Eric Cuntman

You tell him Jewdy. 'Its a website'. I mean, somebody would have to be a spectacularly fucking stupid cunt to get all worked up over something said on a website.. 'It's not real life is it?' Imagine if someone got all offended by some made-up rubbish on a silly website, and spent three weeks having a hissy-fit over it! what a stupid cunt they would be, and how we would all laugh at them. Lol.

Neither is horseradish. If it was he wouldn't be able to shove it up his star-fish. Lol

Most methods of suicide are either messy, unreliable or painful. The only sure and painless method is a medium to large calibre bullet, fired through the soft palate at 30 degrees backward from perpendicular. Statistics show that women often choose to shoot themselves in the heart, worried about messing their face up. Risky, if she's not accurate, she will drown in her own blood from the lung she just vented. And possibly suffer the indignity of a passing pervert, shoving his bell end in the entry wound for a blow job off the collapsing lung.

He found an old packing case in his loft. Left to him by his uncle Josef, you know, the one who was a scientist in the 1940s. I think he's been drinking some of the test tubes he found in it.

I can't eat those seashell things. They look like spunky turds.

Eurospacker remake of Get Shorty.

I haven't. I read Trainspotting and looked over the publishers synopsis of the 2 sequels. If I'd read the book, I would have remembered it.

Dreary fucking shit. Everything with that cunt in it, is dreary. He managed to make Total Recall boring. Dogshit actor.

The boxing club scene is one of the best bits of physical comedy I've ever seen. I wonder if they'll ever adapt the Irvine Welsh novel that sees Begbie fuck off to France and pretend to be an avant garde writer. It probably wouldn't work. Unless they write in a scene where he murders every cunt at a dinner party with a Co2 wine bottle opener. fucking hell. I remembered that synopsis badly. He was pretending to be an artist in California. Same fuckin thing.

You lot murdered John Tunstall!

"Raging Spud" @Cuntybaws Will get that one.

I've still got a Hurricane too. Identical to the tempest, with a slightly longer barrel. Despite having competed in 40 yard target events, with a grands worth of rifle and optics, I still get a kick out of plinking tin cans in the garden with it. I had to make symmetrical wooden grips for it though. I'm a leftie, and Webley made them with a thumb ridge for right handed only. Racist cunts.

Exactly. That sort of shit was fun. Picking air gun pellets out of your arse cheek with your mum's eyebrow tweezers, is an essential part of growing up.

It never appealed to me. We had a laugh as kids, playing with crab lines, and having little competitions to see who could get the most pinchy things into their bucket, using a bit of nylon cord with a hook and baited with some bacon. You're either a fishing or a shooting person. I chose the latter, more on the target shooting side of it than game hunting though. But that got boring too, when the middle class tossers started turning up with £3000 worth of space age carbon composite, complete with recoil compensators and balance arms. With the obligatory £1500 Zeiss optics, bolted to the scope rail. No fun if you take it that far.

"Sharknado has it's place". Q Cockfingers: 2015.

While most of our MPs have spent the day on the phone to Brussels, Nigel Farage has been on the phone to Norma Major, asking her if she can remember the drop-length for the curtains at 10 Downing Street. Lol.

Kipper Kommando.

Alright Tolstoy. Keep it simple.

Yes. But as I'm dishonest, that's a lie, and therefore I am innocent.

I was thinking more of the disgusting amount of Nigerian fisting porn that you've collected. Reported for perpetuating the exploitation of gay Africans. Lol

Are the Cheshire police 'gay task force' on their way round to inspect your hard drive again?

That's given me the hornby.

No. I've never been sexually interested in children.

I hope that play-set includes an unladen African swallow.

Mrs Patel who, along with her husband, owns our local corner shop, is always on the phone to someone while she's serving. She doesn't ignore you though, but she doesn't concentrate either. I'm not going to complain when she gives me £16 change from a tenner though.