Eric Cuntman

Oh look. It's had a skinful and got all big and tough again.

Fuck any cunt that lines Cowell's faggoty pockets.

Wankmags?

That was a mash up of 1984 and Equilibrium if ever I saw one.

Me an' Jewdy had so much fun.

Pointless. Why waste my moment of glory on a bunch of cunts who will be 'honour killed' when they get home anyway. I might suicide bomb a chicken shop. They won't fucking well be expecting that!

Jesus fucking Christ. I give them cinema tickets and they turn up at the ice rink. I give up.

It's Saturday night. Don't get all fucking deep. Just get back to me when you've looked at the photo of Jewdy I just PMd you. I tried to upload it, but it got removed. What a fucking miserable looking cunt eh?

Listen. If and when I kill myself. It's going to be fucking spectacular. Obviously it won't happen until I'm finished with all this shit. But I promise you Billy, it'll be memorable. I haven't quite decided on poofs or peacefuls as collateral yet, but expect a big fucking bang!

Soft cunt ain't I?

I would quite like to waterboard them for a bit, and then slash them up with a rusty Stanley, and throw battery acid on them. Then I would like to nail them up to boards. Like a Caravaggio. But I'm a bit old fashioned.

I want them fings.

I envy him. I wish I could buy happiness in a blue bottle, for 99p a litre.

What the fuck is wrong with those people. They sniff little girls pants, they eat raw fish (just dirty), they wank over cartoon animals and they can't play snooker because their eyes are too small. Not to mention that they have a history of abject stupidity. Like when they trained pilots to crash into @Salty Piss Flap's grandads boat, when they could have just dropped a bomb and used the plane and pilot again. Fuckery.

You know that Japanese people will wank over this? They like anything that has eyes like the things in Mulder's nightmares. twisted little bow-legged cunts.

We used to have Colt 45 available pretty much everywhere. It seems to have become rare recently. I assume because our market for American beer has been carpet bombed by Ant- shower Boosh and their flavourless dishwater. Colt 45 is proper beer that actually tastes of something.

G-g-gotta go t' Greggs an' get pastehs fo' babbeh.

Yer F-f-f-f-fuckin... b-b-bas.. b-b.. cunt!

Don't mind him Salty. He's a miserable cunt. If you ever visit England, you can come and stay with me. So long as you don't start trying to clean your arse in my bathroom sink. And you bring a few cans of Pabst Colt 45 with you.

Calm down. It's only a website, it's not real life is it. Roops is absolutely right. The spectacle of you disappearing up your own arse in a foaming tantrum of hypocrisy, just never stops being funny. Don't go changing.

Yes, stood or sat up straight. What sort of slovenly cunt would shoot themselves in the brain, whilst reclined on a Lay-Z-Boy?

You tell him Jewdy. 'Its a website'. I mean, somebody would have to be a spectacularly fucking stupid cunt to get all worked up over something said on a website.. 'It's not real life is it?' Imagine if someone got all offended by some made-up rubbish on a silly website, and spent three weeks having a hissy-fit over it! what a stupid cunt they would be, and how we would all laugh at them. Lol.

Neither is horseradish. If it was he wouldn't be able to shove it up his star-fish. Lol

Most methods of suicide are either messy, unreliable or painful. The only sure and painless method is a medium to large calibre bullet, fired through the soft palate at 30 degrees backward from perpendicular. Statistics show that women often choose to shoot themselves in the heart, worried about messing their face up. Risky, if she's not accurate, she will drown in her own blood from the lung she just vented. And possibly suffer the indignity of a passing pervert, shoving his bell end in the entry wound for a blow job off the collapsing lung.

He found an old packing case in his loft. Left to him by his uncle Josef, you know, the one who was a scientist in the 1940s. I think he's been drinking some of the test tubes he found in it.