Eric Cuntman

Why have you turned into a Macedonian human/sparrow chimera, pagan goddess? Are you mental?

You can extract cannabis oil from weed using a device called a honeybee extractor, it's a tube you fill with weed, empty a can of butane into one end and the oil comes out of the other end. And it mixes down into normal vape liquid afterwards. if you already know this, I apologise for teaching you to suck eggs, if you didn't know, it'll save you a fortune buying the processed cannabis oil.

Who hell that? It's hideous.

'Jobby Jabber', I'm nicking that, have a like by way of royalties.

Reported for being northern.

It wouldn't come as any surprise to learn the whole thing is made up, rainbow propaganda. Get a high profile sphincter jockey to tell the world he's been the victim of a hate crime, and get everyone to feel sorry for all poofters. The LGBT cunts have certainly ridden the wave of simpering left wing influence. That's probably a bollocks theory, but stranger things have happened. These fucking fairies have realised that sympathy has replaced fear as the emotion you need to instill in the masses to attain power.

I think he's referring to cunts who eat too quickly.

Kosher calamari.

Couldn't help it.

An Irish Jew?... ...with dumplings?

And those tender moments back in your med school days, with all those generously donated university cadavers. I suppose you make your own now.

What do the ears look like with the napkin rings removed? I'm guessing a 5 inch loop of bacon rind resting on the shoulder. How utterly fucking goddamned attractive. (P. Anderson, 'Barb Wire')

Drawing the edges of skin together and securing them with a bit of twine, creates a much tighter hole.. errm.. just something I overheard.

If a straight man touches a woman's arse, and she turns round and smacks him in the face, she will be applauded for defending herself in the face of chauvinism and harassment. If a gay man touches a straight mans arse and the straight man reacts the same way as the woman and turns round and whacks the bloke who touched him, he will be labelled a homophobic hate criminal.

Have you ever filled up an oven ready turkey with warm water and fucked it through the neck hole?

And those little sausage rolls that aren't actually sausage rolls, with cheese & onion in the middle. I fuckin' hide them from every other cunt.

18-ish years ago, I lived in a house called Inglenook. it didn't have one.

Every doorman's dream come true. Cunt removal handles.

All black people are racist, especially Uncle Ben. and Rustie Lee.

But look at that cunt holding the magazine like a handle, wears away the mag latch and causes stoppages by misalignment of bolt and the next round. I'm writing to the MOD and having that slapdash wanker posthumously court martialled.

What a coincidence, I managed to avoid the plague.

Are you still driving the Volvo P1800? On Topic. In my experience the majority of police officers are selected for their mid range intelligence (borderline thick). Which makes them politically malleable and compliant with the modern way of policing, which is ignoring actual crime and concentrating on making a profit and protecting all the imported paedophiles so they're free to vote in elections. Fuck the police.

Dame Widow Fwanky is doing panto. He's understudying 'Buttons' for the bloke who was Benny in Crossroads, at the Orchard theatre in Dartford.

You know we only want what's best for you... so we've found you a nice retirement home. You get porridge and stewed prunes every morning, and soup for dinner, so no pesky chewing! And best of all, the telly in the common room is permanently tuned to ITV3, so you will never miss an episode of Midsomer Murders. And you get your very own panic button for when you shit yourself. @camberwell gypsy Will pick you up at 9 am tomorrow. Pack your medication, Tena-pants and a fluffy dressing gown. You won't need proper pants, they've got special rubber ones with drawstrings.

I got loads. ner-ner-na-ner-ner!