Eric Cuntman

My neighbours '84 Land Rover needs 2 patches welded on the chassis for its MOT, and I've told him that I'll do it. Unfortunately I don't know anyone rich enough to own an 'arcy-sparky metal sticker'. What a conundrum.

Karaoke Klefticab... where is it frank? Useless cunt.

And he has cup-holders on his 'Qualcast Private Jet'.

I think I'll go for a drive in my 'Friction Torque Propelled Tarmac Negotiator'.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Have you got any further with uploading the photos yet, following the instructions kindly provided by @Mrs Roops? And where can one purchase a 4500psi 'domestic water blaster'? you're going to say that you meant 'pressure washer'. Aren't you.

Oh... just one of those 4500psi 'water blasters' that we all use to wash crockery... that explains it. You fucking stupid fucking cunt.

Yes, you definitely said it was YOU that had it serviced... but you don't own a jet boat? Or does your car propel itself with water pressure? Idiot.

Why would you have work done on a boat that you do not own? Or are you just talking fucking bollocks again?

It's a pity the nonce didn't rape her corpse in 'Hard Candy'.

It will only put out 4100psi when travelling on heavy water.

Killing all the poofs, darkies and Muslims should cover it.

I've put Harold on 'double secret probation'.

If you can't be polite then fuck off you stupid fucking cunt. I'm losing patience with you. I won't warn you again.

Lewis Hamilton has also tested positive for 75% white DNA. But he doesn't shout about that. Racist little cunt.

I was thinking.. slags and curry.

Unfortunately, it seems that they're about 80% correct.

One of his billionaire chums like Bill Gates will probably give him a 'cerebral interface' helmet. Like what Clint Eastwood had in 'Firefox'.

Publicity stunt. Another member of the super rich elite reinforcing the population control dogma with another "It could happen to anyone" story. Same as Wingnut Charlie and Boris. Load of bullshit.

Perhaps there aren't any pictures to upload because he made it all up.

Deep fried sprouts.

This only applies to photos that exist. So not much help to Pants-Boy.

He's been dead for a year, dum-dum.

I fucking knew you would try and explain your absence with some bullshit about your fifth holiday this month. I take it your benefits have been paid in and you've persuaded them to reconnect your broadband. Or didn't they have technology at the exclusive resort you imagine you stayed at? (expect back-up story about camping out and hunting bears like a tough brute alpha male. Hence no wi-fi.)

Except Dame Edna. That is funny. Plus he levelled up the scales with Les Patterson.