Wolfie

Being black and from the streets, there's none better than you to judge all things rap.

It's the only time they become undrawn.

Neil hasn't used Kleenex for decades. His TV screen must resemble a plasterer's radio.

Which route of study did you take, Punkers? Harrow-Cambridge? Eton-Oxford? Ramsbottom Metropolitan-Wrexham?

I bet Boris knows how to book himself a train ticket.

I am surprised, I must say. A trio of wooden spoons for the dickhead commune. And what's with the 'j'accuse' French connotation? Are you trying to forge an air of portrayed sophistication, Madame?

Brilliant. I hope your friend taking the photo entered you into The Guardian's monthly dog-owner picture competition. Actually, I suspect you read The Guardian just once a year, so perhaps not.

Do staff from your local McDonald's make their way home past your gaff, Alf? I suppose the Down's syndrome made it easy for you distinguish him.

Knowing you, it comes with lipstick and blond wig.

I therefore assume your current mental state (chiefly your teenage humour and IQ of around 65) is a result of the clergy-borne faggotry placed upon you. Is this how you became a 'backdoor specialist'?

Did/does your mother hate you, Albert?

Charles de Gaulle – 'The better I get to know people, the more I find myself loving dogs.' You represent a perfect example of this.

Careful Bill. If you continue to get the upper hand, Rick might step in.

I'm enjoying this immensely. Bill presently has Roops up against the wall with her Primark stockings & suspenders awry – though a distracting flash of the ginger gash will buy her time to land a jab-cross-hook combo. I'll put money on it.

No. Has it fulfilled your expectations?

I bet you'd have presented her with a well-intentioned pearl necklace for Anglo-Irish relations though, wouldn't you?

Sexy, bright, feisty, violent, unique: a dying breed in a part of the world in which people have become too fucking scared to say how they feel. An angelic voice, too.

Could it be that our performances in the Eurovision Song Contest are actually fucking shite, and nothing more?

I don't for one second believe Corbyn's NHS pledges will catapult him ahead in the polls. What do you deem sanity to be at the next election, Wvm?

This of course signals CCG misplacement of funding. What we do know is the May government's £337m winter cash boost has been used to service debt after decades of previous fuck-ups, which certainly hasn't helped the NHS. If money is not just the main problem, therefore, why do you think the crises is obviously getting worse under Hunt's stewardship?

Granted, but surely Corbyn's commitment to healthcare would enable considerably more funding for a desperate NHS – which you must agree is in pretty dire need. The Hunt-era statistics speak for themselves.

No, it doesn't have 'to be said', because you keep on saying it. Dogs have 95% of the qualities we humans aspire to develop as we get older: loyalty, love, commitment. I fuckin' hate you, you evidently thick, tabloid-reading, verbose backwoods oaf. Shut your fucking teeth-lined anus.

Cricket, granted, though I suspect she's very well qualified to outdo most in the anal or bukkake department, based on her previous writings.

I sincerely hope not. This place wouldn't be the same without her, in spite of ending up with egg on her face during our latest difference of opinion. To be thrown into the cooler for vehemently putting one's point across, rather than the usual reasons, would very much undermine the rationale of the mods' modus operandi.