Cap'n Cunt

The problem with blokes that have 'had their cocks turned inside out' is that they don't act like real women. They flounce around in high heels and makeup carrying stupid little dogs in a handbag. They don't want to scrub your toilet or cook your breakfast. And women with cocks sewn onto them? Really? Is that a thing? If so, that's just weird. Where do they get the cocks, from dead men?

Bradford.

"Food media is predominantly generated by white people for white people....." Well yeah, that's fucking obvious - black people haven't had anything to eat since the 1970's if you believe them adverts on the telly.

I'd love to see Jimmy Carr crawling naked over broken glass. Unfunny plastic-faced cunt.

No-one called me a feminist when I got me knob out in Asda today. It's one rule for lezzers and another for convicted sex offenders.

"Your clothes, give them to me this time next week" That was my TV serial rapist impression.

I think you'd look good in a hearse.

I don't think he'd be ecstatic about being locked in a confined space with you, either. I hope it's Bono out of U2 that's going, and Sting out of Trudie Styler. And I hope the whole fucking thing runs out of diesel and crashes into the ISS. That'd teach that smug cunt Tim Peake.

About 50 years too late. His sixth-form socialist crap might have impressed a few gullible twats in the 1960's. The sooner this outdated hippo-shagging cunt dies, the better.

Someday, someone might. Probably an old person with no sense of smell and very low self esteem. If you're lucky, it might even be a woman.

Last week it was Blair whining on about how shit it will be when we leave the EU. This week it's that other fucking twat, Major. Next week, I imagine Cameron will reappear spouting a load of shite. As I understand it, the taxpayer funds a security detail for these fuckers. Why? They're EX Prime Ministers. If someone bludgeoned any or all of them to death, it wouldn't matter a fuck to the general population. If they're so unpopular that someone wants to off them after they've left office, then perhaps they should have been better at their job and not pissed people off. In my perfect world, as soon as a Prime Minister loses his job, he or she should be publicly hanged, flogged or fisted, according to how badly people think they did as PM. I imagine a kind of X-Factor voting system, but without that fucking prick Simon Cowell being involved. It'd stop all these talentless wannabee politician cunts from applying to run the country, and only really dedicated people would enter the political sphere (and, obviousy, people that might enjoy being fisted in public).

I've never seen a cunt on a dating site, washed or unwashed. You do get the odd fat bird showing a bit of cleavage, but only to take your eye away from their many chins.

Australia would be good. Preferably somewhere deep in the outback where they have no internet.

No. I just hate the shitty beards. FFS, many true Englishmen throughout history have disported beards of epic proportions. Get a grip, sandmonkeys - facial hair that resembles pubes makes you look like the cunts you are.

Pay your fucking rent. Then you wouldn't keep getting evicted.

It'd be a shit centipede with only 8 legs. It'd be an octopede.

I imagine it being a Gollum-esque thing that smells of piss and sits there stroking it's ring (piece).

Yes, but what if it is actually a real person? Hard to believe, but possible. I can imagine it now, hunched over it's Pentium 2 squinting at the screen in the gloom, wearing it's threadbare Barbour, searching for spares for a 1973 Range Rover on eBay.

E-cigs are for poofs. Capstan Full Strength for me...nicotine-stained fingers, a good phlegm-rattling cough in the mornings, lung cancer and an early grave. Sorted.

First they came for Punkape And I did not speak out Because I was not a bummer Then they came for Ding And I did not speak out Because I was not a multi-quoter Then they came for that Welsh_Cunt And I did not speak out Because I never liked the cunt anyway.

On the plus side, you can still ride a camel or a donkey through London without being charged. Although parking is a bit of an issue.

I'm rather disappointed. I thought this was going to be about that woman who used to work at Dobbies, she'd let you piss in her mouth for a quid.

I fucking hate transsexuals. They're fucking pointless. BUT - at least they have the decency to make it public, as opposed to skulking round the dimly-lit toilets of a municipal golf club hoping that their rancid, baggy arsehole might be mistaken for a lady's front-bottom. Lol

Well. I'd move house if I were you.