Private parking "enforcement officers" who can't even note down a registration number correctly, the utter cunts.

[Guest Bill Stickers]

I received a rather ludicrous fine of £100 some time ago for parking in a deserted car park. However, I gleefully realised that the registration had been written down wrong on the ticket. I thought nothing more of it, assuming they would realise their glaring error, and not bother trying to intimidate me for money. If you're going to be money grabbing cunts, at least do it with some attention to detail for fucks sake.

Instead, I  received a rather strongly worded letter from them in the post. Needless to say, I have sent them one back:

Dear Conkai Security Limited,

On the 8^th of June, 2015, I received a letter in the post from your organisation, demanding payment of £100.

I attach to this email a scan of a document I found erroneously attached to my car windshield, on the 3^rd of March, 2015.  

The specified vehicle registration on the ticket is Yxxx xxx. There is clearly some confusion on your part, as my car registration is Kxxx xxx. I suggest you contact the owner of the aforementioned vehicle, in order to retrieve the money you assert is owed.

As I am sure you are aware, the Protection of Freedoms Act (2012), Schedule 4, Section 56, ‘Recovery of Unpaid Parking Charges’, Paragraph 7 (2, a) states that for a private parking charge to be legally enforceable, “the notice must specify the vehicle.”

Any further communication from Conkai Security Limited to myself on this matter will be regarded as unsolicited harassment. This letter is therefore also to inform Conkai Security Limited that any additional telephone calls, emails or letters relating to this issue will be charged at a flat fee of £100 per communication.

If however, payment is received from Conkai Security Limited within 28 days, a reduced charge of £60 will be accepted as full and final settlement. Failure to make payment within 28 days of initiating any communication will result in the full charge of £100 being applied, plus any additional costs incurred through debt recovery and/or court action.

Sunniest regards,

As if I'm going to disclose my name on this forum.

 

[and]

You should've realised, it isn't just 'private parking enforcement officers' that are cunts, ALL parking "enforcement officers" are cunts, try to get it right next time, there's a good chap.

[Guest Bill Stickers]

​Is that a personalised number plate, Bill?

​Personalised number plate!? What kind of cunt do you think I am?

Personalised number plates are the reserve of small town gippos, inner-city rudeboys and junior bankers that think by spending a few bob on a set of letters and numbers, they will fool everyone into thinking they have the wealth and gravitas of an Arab Sheik.

[Guest nobgobbler]

Nice one. It's about time somebody got one over on the cunts. 

[Guest nobgobbler]

[Guest yariman]

​Personalised number plate!? What kind of cunt do you think I am?

Personalised number plates are the reserve of small town gippos, inner-city rudeboys and junior bankers that think by spending a few bob on a set of letters and numbers, they will fool everyone into thinking they have the wealth and gravitas of an Arab Sheik.

​Stickers, you could have saved yourself the indignation, ballache, whatever, by being a pleb cunt like me and catching the bus everywhere.

[Guest Bill Stickers]

​Stickers, you could have saved yourself the indignation, ballache, whatever, by being a pleb cunt like me and catching the bus everywhere.

​I think I'd rather attend Michael Barrymore's pool party, while inexplicably missing my trousers and with lead weights attached to my ankles.

[Decimus]

​Stickers, you could have saved yourself the indignation, ballache, whatever, by being a pleb cunt like me and catching the bus everywhere.

I thought you were a northern traditionalist Yariman, you disappoint me. First of all, what the fuck are you doing out of the house? Has your other half had an accident down t'pit, thus allowing you to flaunt yourself around town without a fucking care in the world? Secondly, you're enabling this flighty and floozy behaviour by travelling on a bus? Time was when a she-northerner wouldn't travel anywhere, lest it be on a pit pony, sat backwards, bare breasted and with a scolds tongue bridle in her mouth. 

[Cuntybaws]

 

As if I'm going to disclose my name on this forum.

​I know a double bluff when I see one. Bill!

[Guest MikeD]

​I know a double bluff when I see one. Bill!

​I know, what kind of stupid cunt would even use their first name on here?

Oh fuck, hang on......

[camberwell gypsy]

​Personalised number plate!? What kind of cunt do you think I am?

Personalised number plates are the reserve of small town gippos, inner-city rudeboys and junior bankers that think by spending a few bob on a set of letters and numbers, they will fool everyone into thinking they have the wealth and gravitas of an Arab Sheik.

So does my plate 1luv69 make me a cunt then? Or just a small town gippo?

[Guest Bill Stickers]

So does my plate 1luv69 make me a cunt then? Or just a small town gippo?

​Well your certainly not a junior banker are you?

[camberwell gypsy]

​Well your certainly not a junior banker are you?

I thumbed a few bills in my time!

[Guest deebom]

I'm banned from the local park for thumbing bills.

[scotty]

I received a rather ludicrous fine of £100 some time ago for parking in a deserted car park. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's not a 'fine' bill, it's an invoice. If you disagree with it, just fucking ignore it, you didn't need to reply to them at all.  The only people who can issue legally enforceable fines are police or local authorities.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

I had a few of those, it's decent paper for lighting fires with you know...

..and anything that offers a "discount for paying early" automatically means it's null and void, they cannot "enforce" anything, even if they had any grounds to enforce anything at all, such as you buying a parking ticket which has "terms" on it... if they put any of that shitty black & white boxing like police tape, then they can be had for impersonation as well...

[camberwell gypsy]

I'm banned from the local park for thumbing bills.

Bills or balls deebom?

[scotty]

Bills or balls deebom?

Ed Balls really shouldn't be quite so pro-european. After all, his name in German is Herr E Balls.

[Cuntybaws]

Ed Balls really shouldn't be quite so pro-european. After all, his name in German is Herr E Balls.

​Or in Spanish, Senor Balls.

[scotty]

​Or in Spanish, Senor Balls.

 I'm perplexed as to why Yvette Cooper kept her maiden name when she married him. Very poor form imho.

 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

It's not a 'fine' bill, it's an invoice. If you disagree with it, just fucking ignore it, you didn't need to reply to them at all.  The only people who can issue legally enforceable fines are police or local authorities.

​Hey Scotty,

I'm fully aware of all this - but if you ignore them you don't get to have any fun with them. I sent my letter recorded signed for, so I know they have received it. If they contact me again, as per the T & Cs laid out in my reply, I will be invoicing them £100.

[camberwell gypsy]

​Or in Spanish, Senor Balls.

In Japanese Balls San

[scotty]

In Japanese Balls San

..or in Thai, Ping-pong Balls.

 

[Guest deebom]

Bills or balls deebom?

​Bills. Duck everywhere fear me.

[nocti]

​Duck everywhere fear me.

I can fucking imagine that, Dee.