Garrulous Gym Goers

[Guest Bill Stickers]

I'm in the gym, not a social club, you socially stunted cunt. And more importantly, I have no fucking idea who you are. 

Gyms are bad enough without self-awareness free fuckwits like you clogging up the machines.

Clues that a gym is not a place for hanging around, engaging in social pleasantries:

• Large swathes of it smell of stale sweat and feet.
• Nobody is making eye contact
• The kind of euro-trance nobody in the entire world likes is being blared a few decibels too loud.

Kindly fuck off back to the other side of the changing room, or resume loudly grunting on one of those weird sponge mats in the corner if you have to.

If you really can't restrain your gabby fucking gob, make conversation with some other sweaty, unfortunate soul. Bore them with your wildly inaccurate understandings of weight-lifting techniques, dietary nutrition and cardiovascular bollocks.

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

Was it really the orange bikini that made your arse 'look' fat? Or is it more the fact IT IS fat which is why it looks fat?

Don't just take my word for it though as I am sure our other forum members may have an opinion on the size of your arse because I don't profess to be ny kind of fashion guru which may be contrary to what you may have heard.

Edited August 19, 2015 by Drew P Pissflaps
typing whilst wanking

[Neil]

Gyms are full of cunts,fat cunts,fit cunts,posey cunts,I only went once cos my mate said they had got a new machine in,fucking great it was,full of crisps,twix's,coke,crunchies etc

[cuntspotter]

Sounds like Asda's changing/fitting rooms - I tried on some Colleen Roo garb (orange bikini) the other day, it made me arse look fat, & there was an odd smell - someone's diet wasn't agreeing with them - or me

that was probably me.

[Hokey Gingers]

Try a course of charcoal tablets Spotters or attach double sided sticky tape to an odour eater. I think its working as no one has said anything.

 

 

[Guest nobgobbler]

Try a course of charcoal tablets Spotters or attach double sided sticky tape to an odour eater. I think its working as no one has said anything.

 

 

or eat dog biscuits, Mr Gobbler swears by em. I really ought to tell him he stinks like dog shit.

[scotty]

I'm in the gym, not a social club, you socially stunted cunt. And more importantly, I have no fucking idea who you are. 

Gyms are bad enough without self-awareness free fuckwits like you clogging up the machines.

Clues that a gym is not a place for hanging around, engaging in social pleasantries:

• Large swathes of it smell of stale sweat and feet.
• Nobody is making eye contact
• The kind of euro-trance nobody in the entire world likes is being blared a few decibels too loud.

Kindly fuck off back to the other side of the changing room, or resume loudly grunting on one of those weird sponge mats in the corner if you have to.

If you really can't restrain your gabby fucking gob, make conversation with some other sweaty, unfortunate soul. Bore them with your wildly inaccurate understandings of weight-lifting techniques, dietary nutrition and cardiovascular bollocks.

So what the fuck are you doing there, bill? It's not compulsory. Do what I do, piss it away down the pub. 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

Sounds like Asda's changing/fitting rooms - I tried on some Colleen Roo garb (orange bikini) the other day, it made me arse look fat, & there was an odd smell - someone's diet wasn't agreeing with them - or me

You have a fat arse and an unshaven minge, you had no business whatsoever trying on bikinis.  Get yourself sorted out.  I shall refrain from hypothesizing about the foul odour present.  

Edited August 20, 2015 by Wizardsleeve

[Guest deebom]

Going to the gym is gay. So gay, it's like painting yourself pink and buying a Cliff Richard album. Poofs.

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

So what the fuck are you doing there, bill? It's not compulsory. Do what I do, piss it away down the pub. 

perhaps the gym is actually an exercise yard and her majesty has decided it is compulsory for Bill to be there?

[Guest Bill Stickers]

So what the fuck are you doing there, bill? It's not compulsory. Do what I do, piss it away down the pub. 

I'm not running in the street. And I don't want diabetes like you.

[Hokey Gingers]

Gym goers are amoung the dullest most unimaginative fuckers you`ll ever meet in this life, and that goes for both sexes i`m afraid to say. I suppose in the age of the selfie and the attention seeker it`s fucking fantastic telling all your workmates about how great you are and even a lowly arsehole like you can feel like a Kardasian for 10 minutes. However in fifty years time a bunch of faintly familiar strangers will congregate around your bed with one thought foremost on their minds. "Would you ever just fucking die you old bastard, we`re missing the rollerblading to be here."   

[Jiggerycock]

I 'gym'  (introducing another verb there to our fantastic language).

I enjoy it because it guarantees a degree of solitude, it involves effort and long-term commitment and I feel better and look better than 90% of my generation, swigging their Caramel Machiatto's (with extra caramel) and generally carrying themselves with all the grace and pride of a gored robot.

I AM a holier-than-thou body fascist and the pissant little naysayers can take their potshots, but know this: I fucking despise you corpulent cunts, with zero willpower.

Controlled by bacon sandwiches, lard and your own inertia, you trot out your pat little excuses about why you've e completely given up on any pride in your appearance, whilst scoffing your way to type 2 diabetes, a coronary and having a roadie to come round and help you take a shit from whatever fat-fold is filling up with cheese and bum-gravy today.

Fuck you, and suck my huge vascular bundle cock, maggots!

Edited August 20, 2015 by Jiggerycock

[nocti]

I hate fat lazy cunts just as much as I hate fitness freak fuckwits who inexplicably have a universal habit of speaking several decibels louder than your average joe. If you love the gym so much, fuck off there now and give your tongue some time off you egotistical sack of pig spunk.

I genuinely saw some meat-head in a wife beater park in a disabled spot in Sainsbury's car park a couple of months ago, then nonchalantly waltz into the store like he's Dean fucking Gaffney. If he's so obsessed with keeping fit, shouldn't he have parked in the furthest spot away? Cuntscab. 

[Jiggerycock]

I hate fat lazy cunts just as much as I hate fitness freak fuckwits who inexplicably have a universal habit of speaking several decibels louder than your average joe. If you love the gym so much, fuck off there now and give your tongue some time off you egotistical sack of pig spunk.

I genuinely saw some meat-head in a wife beater park in a disabled spot in Sainsbury's car park a couple of months ago, then nonchalantly waltz into the store like he's Dean fucking Gaffney. If he's so obsessed with keeping fit, shouldn't he have parked in the furthest spot away? Cuntscab. 

Yeah there are those types.

Spend 10 minutes preparing to do their 1 repetition maximum bench press (with a 'technique' that'll leave their backs more fucked than Katie Price's creamy way), before going off to check out their 'guns' in the mirrors.

Either that or the pec deck is treated as their own personal fiefdom as they sit there, doing slightly less than fuck all, waiting for the stars to align and the karma to be right, before doing 10 seconds of exercise, prior to another 5 minutes of siting around, discussing last night's telly.

[nocti]

Yeah there are those types.

Spend 10 minutes preparing to do their 1 repetition maximum bench press (with a 'technique' that'll leave their backs more fucked than Katie Price's creamy way), before going off to check out their 'guns' in the mirrors.

Either that or the pec deck is treated as their own personal fiefdom as they sit there, doing slightly less than fuck all, waiting for the stars to align and the karma to be right, before doing 10 seconds of exercise, prior to another 5 minutes of siting around, discussing last night's telly.

Not to mention the cunts that say how they're "natural alphas" and claim to be superior in some Darwinian sense, all whilst downing protein shakes, calorie-stuffed chocolate bars and more often than not some kind of steroid. It's nice to know that if I ever experience a mid-life crisis, there's a shortcut to looking like a complete and utter fucking cunt, instead of having to chip the effort in.

 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

Not to mention the cunts that say how they're "natural alphas" and claim to be superior in some Darwinian sense, all whilst downing protein shakes, calorie-stuffed chocolate bars and more often than not some kind of steroid. It's nice to know that if I ever experience a mid-life crisis, there's a shortcut to looking like a complete and utter fucking cunt, instead of having to chip the effort in.

I think most of the corner is hoping your midlife crisis will involve a motorbike, and a reckless attitude towards taking lessons.

[Guest luke swarm]

I 'gym'  (introducing another verb there to our fantastic language).

I enjoy it because it guarantees a degree of solitude, it involves effort and long-term commitment and I feel better and look better than 90% of my generation, swigging their Caramel Machiatto's (with extra caramel) and generally carrying themselves with all the grace and pride of a gored robot.

I AM a holier-than-thou body fascist and the pissant little naysayers can take their potshots, but know this: I fucking despise you corpulent cunts, with zero willpower.

Controlled by bacon sandwiches, lard and your own inertia, you trot out your pat little excuses about why you've e completely given up on any pride in your appearance, whilst scoffing your way to type 2 diabetes, a coronary and having a roadie to come round and help you take a shit from whatever fat-fold is filling up with cheese and bum-gravy today.

Fuck you, and suck my huge vascular bundle cock, maggots!

Eddie is alright once you get to know him Jiggers.

Don't use the gym much these days but pretty much the same situation in the local swimming pool which I use regular....its fucking lane swimming but a load of geriatric cunts congregate at each end to discuss council rates and other such shite.....No amount of deliberate splashing or glaring will shift them. Some of the cunts even try to swim widths under the lane ropes. Imbeciles    

[Jiggerycock]

Not to mention the cunts that say how they're "natural alphas" and claim to be superior in some Darwinian sense, all whilst downing protein shakes, calorie-stuffed chocolate bars and more often than not some kind of steroid. It's nice to know that if I ever experience a mid-life crisis, there's a shortcut to looking like a complete and utter fucking cunt, instead of having to chip the effort in.

 

Some blokes actually come out with that claptrap?

I'm prepared to believe it, despite having only your word for it, on the basis that there's no end to the fuckwittery of mankind. Just when you think you've reached the Jedward / Heat Magazine / Zlatan Ibrahimovic triptych of deep-fried cuntyness, something like this socks you in the jaw from leftfield and you have to completely reset the parameters.

Natural Alphas (or those who claim to be) are usually the most insecure, boring, show-off wristers that ever drew breath - and no amount of bicep curls (I just  bet they use the biggest dumbells in the gym, keep their forearms locked at 90 degrees and hurl their upper torso's backwards and forwards, convinced they're stronger than Godzilla) will make a lick of difference to this assertion.

Edited August 20, 2015 by Jiggerycock

[Guest Bill Stickers]

use the biggest dumbells in the gym, keep their forearms locked at 90 degrees and hurl their upper torso's backwards and forwards

So that's not how your supposed to be doing it? I wonder why it looks like I have rickets.

That's the last time I take advice from someone who looks like Popeye.

[nocti]

I think most of the corner is hoping your midlife crisis will involve a motorbike, and a reckless attitude towards taking lessons.

If the remainder of my existence on this mortal coil involves having to read more of this shit Bill, then so am I. You fucking cunt!

Some blokes actually come out with that claptrap?

I'm prepared to believe it, despite having only your word for it, on the basis that there's no end to the fuckwittery of mankind. Just when you think you've reached the Jedward / Heat Magazine / Zlatan Ibrahimovic triptych of deep-fried cuntyness, something like this socks you in the jaw from leftfield and you have to completely reset the parameters.

Natural Alphas (or those who claim to be) are usually the most insecure, boring, show-off wristers that ever drew breath - and no amount of bicep curls (I just  bet they use the biggest dumbells in the gym, keep their forearms locked at 90 degrees and hurl their upper torso's backwards and forwards, convinced they're stronger than Godzilla) will make a lick of difference to this assertion.

Jig you raw-egg necking bastard, you're on the internet, take everything with a pinch of salt. Rest assured, however, that I indeed have been unfortunate enough to meet such cunts. 

Admittedly, more the fool am I for diving cock first into the profession I did when I was a young fuckwit. It's completely rife with the bastards.

[Jiggerycock]

If the remainder of my existence on this mortal coil involves having to read more of this shit Bill, then so am I. You fucking cunt!

Jig you raw-egg necking bastard, you're on the internet, take everything with a pinch of salt. Rest assured, however, that I indeed have been unfortunate enough to meet such cunts. 

Admittedly, more the fool am I for diving cock first into the profession I did when I was a young fuckwit. It's completely rife with the bastards.

I would take it with a pinch of salt, however that may lead to water retention issues, marring my otherwise ripped physique and Christ-like obliques.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

I don't believe any cunt here will dispute the importance of keeping fit, it's something we all must do to live a satisfying and, if I may, long life. However, one doesn't necessarily have to pay for gym memberships to stay healthy and strong. Investing in some home equipment then learning how to do the exercises correctly will cut these gym obsessed, oblivious to humanity micro cock cunts right out of the day. Sadly, the swimming pool situation can only be resolved by grabbing the old cunts ankles and drowning them. 

[Guest DingTheRioja]

I'm not running in the street. And I don't want diabetes like you.

Go to Bradford, you'll soon be fucking running mate... and fast..

1. I 'gym'  (introducing another verb there to our fantastic language).
2. I enjoy it because it guarantees a degree of solitude, it involves effort and long-term commitment and I feel better and look better than 90% of my generation, swigging their Caramel Machiatto's (with extra caramel) and generally carrying themselves with all the grace and pride of a gored robot.
3. I AM a holier-than-thou body fascist and the pissant little naysayers can take their potshots, but know this: I fucking despise you corpulent cunts, with zero willpower.
4. Controlled by bacon sandwiches, lard and your own inertia, you trot out your pat little excuses about why you've e completely given up on any pride in your appearance, whilst scoffing your way to type 2 diabetes, a coronary and having a roadie to come round and help you take a shit from whatever fat-fold is filling up with cheese and bum-gravy today.
5. Fuck you, and suck my huge vascular bundle cock, maggots!
6. I would take it with a pinch of salt, however that may lead to water retention issues, marring my otherwise ripped physique and Christ-like obliques.

1. "I gym" = "you Cunt".
2. Bollocks, no such thing as "solitude" in a gym, it's all posing cunts pretending to ignore everyone else yet secretly wanting "approval" and a quick shag from that fit blonde who actually does ignore everyone because she IS better than any of you..  Coffee is black. And I'm a 6' blonde haired blue eyed Vikingr who everyone fancies, even the bloke down the road with the fit wife does.
3. Feelings mutual, but I'm not corpulant, and I have will power, except when it comes to....
4. Ah, fuck.. you got me on the bacon sandwiches.. however I will outlive most of you cunts and still look better in the grave... my wifes' gran had a bacon butty every morning and lived until she was 94, my gran lived to 97 on bacon and sausage for breakfast....
5. You mis-typed that, you meant "suck my huge bundle maggots for a cock, "
6. Salt makes everything taste better, especially seasalt on caramel. Christ was a half starved weedy cunt who stunk of fish.

[scotty]

I'm not running in the street. And I don't want diabetes like you.

I'm not diabetic mate, and if anything I'm underweight. You don't need a gym for that, just a halfway sensible diet and a couple of daily walks with the dog. If you knew what I have to shift around in my work you'd laugh your bollocks off, then cringe and clutch at your back.