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Jamie Oliver


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Guest Alfie Noakes

He could get Chris Ewbank on his show talking abaht his favourite rethipe of theriously theared thirloin thteak. Fuck me by the time they were finished the whole crew would be in life jackets!

Dont worry, you will get the hang of the quote thing.

I find my only dilemma this morning is which hand rejected me first and how I can pursuade the other to do the deed.

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Guest Drew P Pissflaps
Welcome Charles, in your initial attempt at contributing to this forum i notice that you do have a certain, je ne sais quoi, about you but your grasp of the techy bits of the website seems to have quickly determined your IQ level. May i be the first to enquire if you would like a suck on Judges' dick.
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Guest Alfie Noakes

He could get Chris Ewbank on his show talking abaht his favourite rethipe of theriously theared thirloin thteak. Fuck me by the time they were finished the whole crew would be in life jackets!

I had heard that his favourite tune is "theventy thixth twumbonthe in the big pawade".

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Guest Bill Stickers

He could get Chris Ewbank on his show talking abaht his favourite rethipe of theriously theared thirloin thteak. Fuck me by the time they were finished the whole crew would be in life jackets!

I suggest you embrace those suicidal thoughts you no doubt experience. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I just caught the end of an advert for one of the Oliver-cunts shows, and he used the phrase "wazzy wazzy woo woo" to describe the act of putting something in a blender. I need to think up a suitable phrase to describe the sound a fucking wood chipper might make while ingesting the aforementioned Oliver-cunt, then do it for real and see how close I was.

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I just caught the end of an advert for one of the Oliver-cunts shows, and he used the phrase "wazzy wazzy woo woo" to describe the act of putting something in a blender. I need to think up a suitable phrase to describe the sound a fucking wood chipper might make while ingesting the aforementioned Oliver-cunt, then do it for real and see how close I was.

Brrrrr-tunk-tunk, brrrrr-tunk-tunk, brrrr-ptang!

It goes without saying that this describes the "feet first and still conscious" approach favoured by connoisseurs everywhere, the final "ptang" being the expulsion of the skull. 

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Brrrrr-tunk-tunk, brrrrr-tunk-tunk, brrrr-ptang!

It goes without saying that this describes the "feet first and still conscious" approach favoured by connoisseurs everywhere, the final "ptang" being the expulsion of the skull. 

Feet first is the "pucka" way to do it, that's for sure. I'm not entirely sure about the sound his skull would make though, it's contents being a total vacuum. Some sort of imploding noise I'd imagine. 

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I see this cunt is all over the internet having lost 2 stone,did someone cut his tongue off?

I wonder how he managed. All he probably had was an expensive personal trainer and access to the best health and fitness advice available.

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Feet first is the "pucka" way to do it, that's for sure. I'm not entirely sure about the sound his skull would make though, it's contents being a total vacuum. Some sort of imploding noise I'd imagine. 

If I recall my Batman correctly, that would be a "Thwooop".

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Alfie Noakes

Fuck off Oliver you total spasmodic cunt, if I want sugar in my fizzy drinks then I will choose to have it, who the fuck are you to push for a sugar tax. Educate the cunts of parents who fill their brats with sugar, dont make the rest of us pay for their poor parenting. Fucking officious twatting bellend.

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This cunt is getting ideas way above his fucking station. He's a fucking chef who only got famous because of the brain-dead celebrity, obsessed cunts who make up the majority of the population in this fucking country. He'd do well to remember that and stop his preaching and fucking whining.

But of course he won't, the cunt.

Fuck off Oliver you total spasmodic cunt, if I want sugar in my fizzy drinks then I will choose to have it, who the fuck are you to push for a sugar tax. Educate the cunts of parents who fill their brats with sugar, dont make the rest of us pay for their poor parenting. Fucking officious twatting bellend.

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This fucking spacker is charging a fiver for a bag of pork scratchings and eleven quid for a lemon soda at his breakfast club / butchers  (barbecoa, bread st london) gordon ramsay (another scrote faced flyd) stated "if you are in the st pauls area and you fancy a casual dining (arse reaming) experience you could not do better! Was recently working in building across road and saw a massive ox tongue hanging in the window, for a split second i thought the cunt was going through logo change / brand relaunch - crayon munching cunt.

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I know someone who's been to one of Oliver's restaurants and after paying something like £100 a head for three courses the first thing they did when leaving was go to a McDonalds as they were fucking starving. Rip-off fucking shite for stuck-up cunts.

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Guest Bill Stickers

This fucking spacker is charging a fiver for a bag of pork scratchings and eleven quid for a lemon soda at his breakfast club / butchers  (barbecoa, bread st london) gordon ramsay (another scrote faced flyd) stated "if you are in the st pauls area and you fancy a casual dining (arse reaming) experience you could not do better! Was recently working in building across road and saw a massive ox tongue hanging in the window, for a split second i thought the cunt was going through logo change / brand relaunch - crayon munching cunt.

Oliver is not the spacker, it is the stupid fucking cunts who spend £11 on said lemon soda who need psychiatric evaluation and possibly euthanasia. 

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  • 6 months later...
36 minutes ago, Bubbles said:

This utter fucking swollen-tongued gurn-and-grin to the camera cunt has just described eggs as 'the worlds most democratic protein'. 

What a fucking cunt worthy fucking cunt. 

Well, he is sort of right. High in protein, cheap, versatile and a classless staple food.

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