Cuntybaws Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 I see you and baws have started dressing up in black and hanging around cemeteries. I suppose next you'll both be wearing trench coats and half heartily cutting yourselfs while listening to 'My Chemical Romance'. poofs...I don't love you like I loved you yesterday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 I see you and baws have started dressing up in black and hanging around cemeteries. I suppose next you'll both be wearing trench coats and half heartily cutting yourselfs while listening to 'My Chemical Romance'. poofs...I don't love you like I loved you yesterday. Do you, don't you want me to love you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted September 8, 2015 Report Share Posted September 8, 2015 All I want to do on Sunday is sit in my own filth, drink copious amounts of red wine, and bask in the glory that is sedentary domesticity. What I don't want, is my missus bellowing from the kitchen "put some trousers on, Mum and Dad are popping round for a cuppa." For a start, I hate wearing trousers on a Sunday. My John Thomas spends the entire fucking week cooped up, and I like to give it a day off swinging free in mega loose boxers. Secondly, "popping in" with these two parasites means they'll invite themselves to tea and not fuck off until 10pm. I wouldn't mind so much if I could fuck off into our room, read a book and leave them to it, the couple of cunts aren't my parents after all. But apparently that's "rude" and I have to mingle, specifically with the Father-in Law. Apparently, because he's got a cock and balls and likes football, it is automatically assumed we'll get on like a house on fire. Well, I'd rather set my fucking house on fire and kill myself then have to spend another afternoon with the boring old cunt, trying to decipher his grunts and pretending to give a shit about what he's welded at work this week. Cunts.By behaving in the way you do, which seems civilised, you only encourage the flies. Just be yourself for a change, let your bollocks swing in and out of the shorts, while downing a can of SB or other top notch lager and let nature take it's course. Actually, maybe the he-fly may want his cut of drink, which will prove expensive in the long run, while the she-fly is keen on your nads and wouldn't find your festive display in the least offensive... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted September 8, 2015 Report Share Posted September 8, 2015 By behaving in the way you do, which seems civilised, you only encourage the flies. Just be yourself for a change, let your bollocks swing in and out of the shorts, while downing a can of SB or other top notch lager and let nature take it's course. Actually, maybe the he-fly may want his cut of drink, which will prove expensive in the long run, while the she-fly is keen on your nads and wouldn't find your festive display in the least offensive...Respect to you there wc. I had to stop drinking special brew decades ago, it finally got too vicious for me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted September 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 So here we are again, another beautiful day of rest has been hijacked by my cunt in-laws on the pretext of bringing us some sloes. I've already had to spend the entire weekend listening to my missus go on and on like a speed addled chimpanzee. Because being away for a week obviously means she has got to regale me with updates on EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING THAT HAS HAPPENED to her, the kids, the cat, Jeremy Corbyn, the cunt with the Audi across the road and Danny fucking Dyer in EastEnders. The cunt literally has not taken a breath since I've got back, and I only wish she would show such perfect breath control whilst noshing me off. So now not only have I got tinnitus from her incessant non-stop whining, I'm also going to have to entertain her old man for hours on end. This is a cunt with two words in his vocabulary. "Hmph" and "cheerio". Time to crack open the Spesh, it's the only way through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 So here we are again, another beautiful day of rest has been hijacked by my cunt in-laws on the pretext of bringing us some sloes. I've already had to spend the entire weekend listening to my missus go on and on like a speed addled chimpanzee. Because being away for a week obviously means she has got to regale me with updates on EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING THAT HAS HAPPENED to her, the kids, the cat, Jeremy Corbyn, the cunt with the Audi across the road and Danny fucking Dyer in EastEnders. The cunt literally has not taken a breath since I've got back, and I only wish she would show such perfect breath control whilst noshing me off. So now not only have I got tinnitus from her incessant non-stop whining, I'm also going to have to entertain her old man for hours on end. This is a cunt with two words in his vocabulary. "Hmph" and "cheerio". Time to crack open the Spesh, it's the only way through this.Try hard drugs next time. You or them or both! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 I feel your pain Decs. I have to endure the in laws every fucking day. MsBoms ma is possibly the most stupid person I have ever fucking met. She cant even put the kids Android tablets on charge, she doesn't know how to use a cash machine, she has a 15 year old Nokia mobile, because newer ones are too difficult to learn how to use. This woman is as dim as a snuffed candle.I came home from work the other day and she says to me "I brought sum white bread cos the kids don like braahn." I replied that my kids don't have a problem with brown bread and are perfectly happy with it. So then then she started wittering on about how "Braahn bred as bits and stuff init and kids prefer white don't they?" So I switched off and just waited for her to leave before binning the Warburtons Toastie loaf.Don't even get me started on the the father in law who is Irish Catholic and the single most racist person I have ever met.I see my mum twice a year and she's perfectly nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 Apart from my old father in law who was a real sweetheart, I detest all of my in-laws and avoid the cockroach infestested ballbags. Sunday's the day they decide to go for a ride to the seaside via ours for a free lunch. I really can't be in the same room as them. I've figured out that if I half close the front blind they can't see me sitting in my favourite chair if I just slide down it a bit. So here I am giggling my head off while they're knocking on the front window. I hear my sister in law, aka wonky eyed cunt, say "I'm bursting". haha, that's a result worth dribbling latte down my new blouse for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 Apart from my old father in law who was a real sweetheart, I detest all of my in-laws and avoid the cockroach infestested ballbags. Sunday's the day they decide to go for a ride to the seaside via ours for a free lunch. I really can't be in the same room as them. I've figured out that if I half close the front blind they can't see me sitting in my favourite chair if I just slide down it a bit. So here I am giggling my head off while they're knocking on the front window. I hear my sister in law, aka wonky eyed cunt, say "I'm bursting". haha, that's a result worth dribbling latte down my new blouse for.Where's your husband in all of this, is he hiding as well? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 Where's your husband in all of this, is he hiding as well?He's under the patio. Trevor Jordache style. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 So here we are again, another beautiful day of rest has been hijacked by my cunt in-laws on the pretext of bringing us some sloes. I've already had to spend the entire weekend listening to my missus go on and on like a speed addled chimpanzee. Because being away for a week obviously means she has got to regale me with updates on EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING THAT HAS HAPPENED to her, the kids, the cat, Jeremy Corbyn, the cunt with the Audi across the road and Danny fucking Dyer in EastEnders. The cunt literally has not taken a breath since I've got back, and I only wish she would show such perfect breath control whilst noshing me off. So now not only have I got tinnitus from her incessant non-stop whining, I'm also going to have to entertain her old man for hours on end. This is a cunt with two words in his vocabulary. "Hmph" and "cheerio". Time to crack open the Spesh, it's the only way through this.Sorry to hear it Decs, old bean. Not many punishments exist worse than what you're enduring. May I suggest you keep a private supply of grain alcohol somewhere, so the next time it happens you can drink yourself into a sound sleep not even the non stop gobbing obnoxious in laws can disrupt? The missus will forgive it in time. She might even get the hint to entertain her own and leave you and your John Thomas to swing free every Sunday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 The second best thing I ever did (first being divorcing my philandering bastard of a husband) was telling his family never to darken my door again. I never have to put up with their shit again. They hated the fact that I got half the business (my money that started it in the first place) and the house ( which he was screwing his secretary in). Fucking witches and wankers the lot of 'em. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 I feel your pain Decs. I have to endure the in laws every fucking day. MsBoms ma is possibly the most stupid person I have ever fucking met. She cant even put the kids Android tablets on charge, she doesn't know how to use a cash machine, she has a 15 year old Nokia mobile, because newer ones are too difficult to learn how to use. This woman is as dim as a snuffed candle.I came home from work the other day and she says to me "I brought sum white bread cos the kids don like braahn." I replied that my kids don't have a problem with brown bread and are perfectly happy with it. So then then she started wittering on about how "Braahn bred as bits and stuff init and kids prefer white don't they?" So I switched off and just waited for her to leave before binning the Warburtons Toastie loaf.Don't even get me started on the the father in law who is Irish Catholic and the single most racist person I have ever met.I see my mum twice a year and she's perfectly nice.What a shit pool of genes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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