Jiggerycock Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 There I am, sat in my seat, waiting for some righteous intensity from an artist I've not seen in four years. Can't wait. Oh but hang on, people around me can't sit still for three fucking hours, or haven't got the presence of mind to empty their sub-atomic particle sized bladders before the gig - or if they have then their lager withdrawal trauma kicks in if they go without booze for more than 20 minutes. So everyone on my row gets to do the knees-bent-awkward-shuffle cha-cha every five minutes whilst pinheads who've presumably paid good money for a ticket have to walk out and dick about before returning for more of the same. Then there's the cunts who have to record the whole thing on their smartphones or who have to update their oh-so-critical social media (AKA their marketing of their idealised version of themselves platforms), tap-tapping away, faces glowing with the light shining from their I-Pads with enough brightness to power a solar farm for a year. "Stick it to the man!" - but only if my urinary, digestive and social discourse functions allow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colonelkurtz Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 ... so was it worth the wait or was daniel o'donnell even better than you expected jiggers ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted January 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 8 minutes ago, colonelkurtz said: ... so was it worth the wait or was daniel o'donnell even better than you expected jiggers ? THWOCK! Below the belt that one Sir! There's this insane old biddy who works on the tills in the local Budgen, who basically has her little area turned into some kind of a shrine to that guy, just before Christmas. Pictures, letters and badges of him all over the show. I only know who he is now because I was dumb enough to ask her who he was and she went off into a hyperbolic, cantgetawordinedgeways lecture about him and the number of times she'd met him and how he was now appearing in some sub-ProfB level karaoke or jitterbug competition on the telly and what a Christ-like figure in light entertainment he was. She then tried to give me a Christmas card 'thinking of you and your family this Christmas', I mean how can you deal with someone like that? Gave her the old 'thousand yard stare' and murmured 'No! My family fears outsiders' and walked off. Sorry to change the subject so abruptly into a nom, but I thought this little vignette might counter the monotony of our otherwise boring existence. No? Oh well fuck off then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colonelkurtz Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 "Gave her the old 'thousand yard stare' and murmured 'No! My family fears outsiders' and walked off." .... quality ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 2 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: There I am, sat in my seat, waiting for some righteous intensity from an artist I've not seen in four years. Can't wait. Oh but hang on, people around me can't sit still for three fucking hours, or haven't got the presence of mind to empty their sub-atomic particle sized bladders before the gig - or if they have then their lager withdrawal trauma kicks in if they go without booze for more than 20 minutes. So everyone on my row gets to do the knees-bent-awkward-shuffle cha-cha every five minutes whilst pinheads who've presumably paid good money for a ticket have to walk out and dick about before returning for more of the same. Then there's the cunts who have to record the whole thing on their smartphones or who have to update their oh-so-critical social media (AKA their marketing of their idealised version of themselves platforms), tap-tapping away, faces glowing with the light shining from their I-Pads with enough brightness to power a solar farm for a year. "Stick it to the man!" - but only if my urinary, digestive and social discourse functions allow. Death penalty. No trial, straight to fucking execution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 It's a sign of the fucking times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 2 minutes ago, cuntspotter said: It's a sign of the fucking times. And the times are shite and full of cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 1 minute ago, MikeD said: And the times are shite and full of cunts. ....And poofs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 What type of gig requires you to sit down? It's music for fucks sake, you're not supposed to be sitting down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 With my fucking prostate I need the cunts to put speakers in the karsi I spend so much fucking time pissing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 15 minutes ago, neil298 said: With my fucking prostate I need the cunts to put speakers in the karsi I spend so much fucking time pissing Thought you of all people should know that regular wanking can ease the symptoms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 8 minutes ago, ProfB said: & I get accused of Bad noms - never as bad as this. Behave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 5 minutes ago, ProfB said: OK Spot- but I am very upset at the mo. Berk! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 I think that's the first time I've seen Prof say 'cunt'. There's maybe hope yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 1 hour ago, Alex Noakes said: Thought you of all people should know that regular wanking can ease the symptoms. Fuck me!,I don't do too fucking bad but if it means I've got to up the intensity I'd be spending as much time in the big anyway!,I can't fucking win Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 27 minutes ago, MikeD said: I think that's the first time I've seen Prof say 'cunt'. There's maybe hope yet. Normally she says c**t. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 1 hour ago, ProfB said: CUNT I'll kebab you with a fucking stiletto sandal you ovine shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 11 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: I'll kebab you with a fucking stiletto sandal you ovine shit. Here you go Gyps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 49 minutes ago, Snatch said: Normally she says c**t. She's cracking, we're all going to end up in parts in her freezer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 14 minutes ago, Snatch said: Here you go Gyps. Already got a pair Snatch. But in cerise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 15 minutes ago, Snatch said: Here you go Gyps. Im sure you look very nice in them too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 1 hour ago, MikeD said: She's cracking, we're all going to end up in parts in her freezer. She's not cracking. I've seen her photo, take it from me, you wouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 2 hours ago, Snatch said: Here you go Gyps. THATS MY FUCKING LINE YOU CUNT!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 19, 2016 Report Share Posted January 19, 2016 4 hours ago, MikeD said: I think that's the first time I've seen Prof say 'cunt'. There's maybe hope yet. Doubtful. Sheep is just throwing the toys from her pram that nobody is responding to her dross. If we keep it going, maybe that jug of bleach in the laundry room will be mistaken for apple juice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted January 19, 2016 Report Share Posted January 19, 2016 8 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: Doubtful. Sheep is just throwing the toys from her pram that nobody is responding to her dross. If we keep it going, maybe that jug of bleach in the laundry room will be mistaken for apple juice. I saw that "said no one ever" shite and logged off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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