camberwell gypsy Posted September 13, 2017 Report Share Posted September 13, 2017 Where do you find people that take the piss out of gypsies? In hospital Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted September 13, 2017 Report Share Posted September 13, 2017 40 gypsies turn up at the pearly gates in their caravans and transit vans. St. Peter goes into the gate house and rings up God. "I've got 40 gypsies here who want to come in. Shall I let them in?". God replies "We're over our quota on pikeys this quarter. Tell you what, go back to the pearly gates get them to choose 12 of the most righteous amongst them, and we'll let those 12 come in". A minute later Pete's back on the phone "They've gone". Says Peter "What all 40 of them?" asks God. "No" says Peter "The fucking gates"! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted September 13, 2017 Report Share Posted September 13, 2017 1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said: Where do you find people that take the piss out of gypsies? In hospital Operating their dialysis machines after all the fighting, no doubt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted September 16, 2017 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2017 "Just once," complained my wife, "couldn't you treat me like a princess?" So I pimped her out to an arab and had them both killed. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted September 18, 2017 Report Share Posted September 18, 2017 A nurse is giving a bed bath to a female coma patient. She starts gently washing her vagina. The patients starts to moan. She rubs harder and the patient starts to thrash and bite her lips. The nurse shouts for the doctor and tells him. He goes outside and tells the husband what's happened and suggests that he gives her oral sex to see if it brings her out of the coma. So the husband gets into bed with her and draws the curtains. After a few minutes the heart monitor alarm goes off indicating a flatline. The doctors rushes in and finds her dead. "what happened" asked the doctor and the husband replies "I dunno, I think she choked". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted September 18, 2017 Report Share Posted September 18, 2017 For Fender!!! The judge says to a double-homicide defendant..."You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You b*****d!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten b*****d!" The judge stops and says to George in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?" George stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that a**hole, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted September 18, 2017 Report Share Posted September 18, 2017 A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" "My wife's." ''What happened to her?" "She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her." A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men. "Can I borrow the dog?" The man replied, "Get in line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted September 23, 2017 Author Report Share Posted September 23, 2017 I fucked my missus froggy style last night. It's like doggy style, but you aim an inch higher and watch how high she leaps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 4, 2017 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2017 I used to be great at telling jokes, but nowadays I always seem to punch up the fuckline. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 6, 2017 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2017 I went to see a psychic today, she told me that five years from now I'll have three children. "But I already have four," I replied. She said "I know, leukemia is a bastard." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted March 30, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 I fucking hate Easter. Whoever's responsible for it should be nailed to a cross. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted April 11, 2018 Report Share Posted April 11, 2018 On 30/03/2018 at 8:13 AM, scotty said: I fucking hate Easter. Whoever's responsible for it should be nailed to a cross. I was caught wanking in the showers. The other tourists complained that I had ruined their daytrip to Auschwitz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest White van man Posted April 11, 2018 Report Share Posted April 11, 2018 That new movie Black Panther is a bit far fetched. The only time you see a black man running in a black cape is when he's legged it from the hairdressers without paying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted April 11, 2018 Report Share Posted April 11, 2018 I almost got caught leaving work early. My boss was fucking my wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest White van man Posted April 11, 2018 Report Share Posted April 11, 2018 4 minutes ago, 'eavensabove said: I almost got caught leaving work early. My boss was fucking my wife. I knew i heard the front door. She said i was hearing things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted April 11, 2018 Report Share Posted April 11, 2018 4 minutes ago, White van man said: I knew i heard the front door. She said i was hearing things. She told ME, she'd lost her white stick and felt certain she was being laid by a Dyke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted May 2, 2018 Report Share Posted May 2, 2018 Dozy Dead Pervy Cunt Man's body behind wall of women's toilet in Calgary mall http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-43970883 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted May 2, 2018 Report Share Posted May 2, 2018 @scotty Where the fuck are you? This is YOUR thread, please maintain some order here. You can give Withers a pass, his shower at Auschwitz bit was spot on with the theme of it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest White van man Posted May 2, 2018 Report Share Posted May 2, 2018 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted May 2, 2018 Report Share Posted May 2, 2018 Sickipedia = Wickidpaedo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted May 2, 2018 Report Share Posted May 2, 2018 5 minutes ago, White van man said: I should be so lucky... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted May 2, 2018 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2018 Some yob attacked me down the local park last night with a bat. I was really impressed at how well he'd trained it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 9, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2018 Ratty went to a fancy dress party last night, dressed as Hitler. Everyone thought it was hilarious until they found three dead Jews in the cloakroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted June 10, 2018 Report Share Posted June 10, 2018 I try to avoid making rape jokes, they always seem so forced! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted June 10, 2018 Report Share Posted June 10, 2018 9 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: I try to avoid making rape jokes, they always seem so forced! Fuck you, wiz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.