scotty Posted October 7, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2016 1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said: That reminds me of when I was a student nurse. This elderly patient called me over and through his oxygen mask asked "Are my testicles black". So I lifted his gown and took his cock in one hand and balls in the other and took a look. "No they're fine". With this he took the mask off and said "That was very nice but are my test results back"? The only operation I've needed so far was to have my compacted wisdom teeth removed under a GA. While I was coming to in recovery and only semi conscious a nurse was checking on me and asked how I felt. I said "terrible, but did my vasectomy go ok, and why does my mouth hurt?" It took her a horrified moment to realise I was joking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted October 7, 2016 Report Share Posted October 7, 2016 2 minutes ago, scotty said: The only operation I've needed so far was to have my compacted wisdom teeth removed under a GA. When I came to in recovery a nurse was checking on me and asked how I felt. I said "terrible, but did my vasectomy go ok, and why does my mouth hurt?" It took her a horrified moment to realise I was joking. she stabbed you in the eye after that chortlesom episode no doubt 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 7, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2016 Just now, mothra said: she stabbed you in the eye after that chortlesom episode no doubt Well ratty, she ended up marrying me so she can't have been too upset by it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted October 7, 2016 Report Share Posted October 7, 2016 14 minutes ago, scotty said: Well ratty, she ended up marrying me so she can't have been too upset by it. I wouldn't have Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2016 10 hours ago, mothra said: I wouldn't have ...and I wouldn't have asked you. I don't have enough house room for all your, ahem, memorabilia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted October 8, 2016 Report Share Posted October 8, 2016 1 hour ago, scotty said: ...and I wouldn't have asked you. I don't have enough house room for all your, ahem, memorabilia. The tank stays outside and all the daggers are firmly fixed to Mr. Bloom next door Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2016 I had my vasectomy last week. Now, whenever I come, a little flag pops out of my cock saying "Bang". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2016 I've just bought something in Poundland, then saw the exact same thing in the 99p shop. Gutted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted October 11, 2016 Report Share Posted October 11, 2016 What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong walked ON the moon, and Michael Jackson had sex with kids. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Yesterday was a good day. 10/10. MikeD-RIP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 On 11/10/2016 at 9:52 PM, Bubba C said: What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong walked ON the moon, and Michael Jackson had sex with kids. I've worked out the reason for paedophilia. Sexy kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 I used to think my parents were worried when they watched me crossing the road. But then I found out about the bet. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 On 07/10/2016 at 11:37 PM, scotty said: Well ratty, she ended up marrying me so she can't have been too upset by it. I wasn't aware that dentists employed people with learning difficulties Scotty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 I would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2016 The waiting room was full when the doctor came in and switched on his microphone. "Could everyone with an appointment say 'ah'?" he said. So we all did. "That's good, now take a deeper breath and repeat it," he told us. "aaaah," we replied. "Just once more, try to make it as long as you can.." The others started going "aaaaaaah" while I raised my hand. "Is this really necessary?" I asked. "I've only got a sprained ankle." "Surgery opens in five minutes," he replied. "I'm recording the soundtrack for the kitten clips on You've Been Framed." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2016 Some cunt broke into my house and stole my PlayStation. I'm inconsolable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 16, 2016 Report Share Posted October 16, 2016 Welsh girls marry Pakistanis to better themselves Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ahriman Posted October 17, 2016 Report Share Posted October 17, 2016 What's the difference between a woman and a toilet? A toilet doesn't call the police when you burst into its room and take a shit down its hole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted October 17, 2016 Report Share Posted October 17, 2016 Jobs that no longer exist: 1. Steve 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 Bubbles came into my clinic. "I keep getting 'Delilah' going through my head, and I've even started singing it out loud. Is that normal?" he asked. I replied "It's not unusual." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 How do you make your wife or gf scream during sex? Call her and tell her about it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me, "If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either." "Fucking great," I thought, "first day in here and I'm already married." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 14 minutes ago, Bubba C said: On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me, "If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either." "Fucking great," I thought, "first day in here and I'm already married." Not bad Bubba,you made me chuckle instead of reach,keep up the good work you ladies front bottom Fuck off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 2 hours ago, neil298 said: Not bad Bubba,you made me chuckle instead of reach,keep up the good work you ladies front bottom Fuck off Reading between the lines, are you saying you want to suck my dick? You fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2016 On 18/10/2016 at 9:58 AM, Bubba C said: On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me, "If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either." "Fucking great," I thought, "first day in here and I'm already married." Neatly done, bubbles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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