Guest Gurt Posted April 3, 2016 Report Share Posted April 3, 2016 Mrs Gurt's retarded parents had to visit today for another totally unnecessary social call and instead of a nice bottle of wine or some decent ales they brought with them some alcohol free lager. When my shite approximation-of-a-human-being father in law asked me what I thought I nearly head butted him and broke the bottle round his face. Anyone who would ever consider bringing this piss-water round someone else's house should have their bollocks used as ammo in a spud gun till there's nothing left Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 Such opportunities for total honesty between in laws are scarce, Gurt. You should have unloaded on the cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 Sufficient grounds for divorce in my book unless she starts to swallow. I have to say Gurt, I always suspected that you would have got yourself one of those same sex marriages. Well done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 Unless your father in law is muslim, kill him, actually if he is a Muslim also kill him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 8 hours ago, Gurt said: Mrs Gurt's retarded parents had to visit today for another totally unnecessary social call and instead of a nice bottle of wine or some decent ales they brought with them some alcohol free lager. When my shite approximation-of-a-human-being father in law asked me what I thought I nearly head butted him and broke the bottle round his face. Anyone who would ever consider bringing this piss-water round someone else's house should have their bollocks used as ammo in a spud gun till there's nothing left Return the compliment...when you go round to there's...take some Carlsberg or Carling......its even worse than that Alcofree crap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 Luckily, all the alcohol free beer seems to be lager. Not a problem for real men who drink bitter, ( and ride bikes). If all lager was alcohol free, maybe lager drinkers would be less inclined to get pissed, get their back doors kicked in and turn homosexualist. Women don't count, they do the shopping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 6 hours ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: Sufficient grounds for divorce in my book unless she starts to swallow. I have to say Gurt, I always suspected that you would have got yourself one of those same sex marriages. Well done. How dare you!... I'll have you know that Mrs Gurt is definitely a female of some sort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 The problem with alcohol free lager nowadays, paradoxically, is that it has got too good. Becks Blue tastes much the same as usual becks. On the face of it, that should be a good thing. But when you try to curb your alcohol intake, a gulp of this stuff tells your mouth to prepare your system for a welcome influx of alcohol. Which doesn't arrive. So you end in a frenzied bout of ever more of the pisswater before you finally realise what's happening and grab the brandy. Best avoided. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 2 hours ago, scotty said: The problem with alcohol free lager nowadays, paradoxically, is that it has got too good. Becks Blue tastes much the same as usual becks. On the face of it, that should be a good thing. But when you try to curb your alcohol intake, a gulp of this stuff tells your mouth to prepare your system for a welcome influx of alcohol. Which doesn't arrive. So you end in a frenzied bout of ever more of the pisswater before you finally realise what's happening and grab the brandy. Best avoided. A bit like licking your sisters fanny then- it tastes the same, but it's not right Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 7 minutes ago, Gurt said: A bit like licking your sisters fanny then- it tastes the same, but it's not right Gurt, I was enjoying your triumphant return until this sub-par offering. You were keeping up with the heavy hitters but you've really let yourself down here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 2 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: Gurt, I was enjoying your triumphant return until this sub-par offering. You were keeping up with the heavy hitters but you've really let yourself down here. A generous critique of Gurt's contributions, Bill. This cunt shall never dine at the top table. Always the bridesmaid, never the cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 4 hours ago, Bill Stickers said: Gurt, I was enjoying your triumphant return until this sub-par offering. You were keeping up with the heavy hitters but you've really let yourself down here. Bill, I'm not so sure, this seems on quick appraisal, fairly decent. Good man Gurt, keep flange-lapping big sis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 6 hours ago, scotty said: The problem with alcohol free lager nowadays, paradoxically, is that it has got too good. Becks Blue tastes much the same as usual becks. On the face of it, that should be a good thing. But when you try to curb your alcohol intake, a gulp of this stuff tells your mouth to prepare your system for a welcome influx of alcohol. Which doesn't arrive. So you end in a frenzied bout of ever more of the pisswater before you finally realise what's happening and grab the brandy. Best avoided. Funny you say so, I concur. At the risk of rugby slagging , I do host 6 nation house boozing, though only because it is accepted by x mates missus's that one brings the kids and also get trolleyed. Some cunt left 8 of these becks fakes in the fridge and I'd downed 7 before I noticed. Grounds for a suing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 6 hours ago, Gurt said: A bit like licking your sisters fanny then- it tastes the same, but it's not right I wouldn't know Gurt . I haven't got a sister . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 16 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: I wouldn't know Gurt . I haven't got a sister . Your mum then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 1 hour ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Your mum then. He has not seen her since she dropped him off at the cunt orphanage so unlikely Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 3 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Funny you say so, I concur. At the risk of rugby slagging , I do host 6 nation house boozing, though only because it is accepted by x mates missus's that one brings the kids and also get trolleyed. Some cunt left 8 of these becks fakes in the fridge and I'd downed 7 before I noticed. Grounds for a suing! They actually said a similar thing about artificial sweeteners recently, qc. There was a news article suggesting that diabetics shouldn't eat anything with aspartame in it, because the body would interpret it as sugar and put your insulin production into overdrive. Cue a diabetic coma. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 1 hour ago, scotty said: They actually said a similar thing about artificial sweeteners recently, qc. There was a news article suggesting that diabetics shouldn't eat anything with aspartame in it, because the body would interpret it as sugar and put your insulin production into overdrive. Cue a diabetic coma. Hmm, yeah I saw that. Its all shite, fake healthy butter , zero fat shit- all has some weird shit in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 58 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Hmm, yeah I saw that. Its all shite, fake healthy butter , zero fat shit- all has some weird shit in it. Yep, real butter on your bacon sarnie, proper sugar in your tea.... Flora should only be used for greasing the axle of Austin A40s' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick_B Posted April 4, 2016 Report Share Posted April 4, 2016 3 hours ago, scotty said: They actually said a similar thing about artificial sweeteners recently, qc. There was a news article suggesting that diabetics shouldn't eat anything with aspartame in it, because the body would interpret it as sugar and put your insulin production into overdrive. Cue a diabetic coma. You haven't provided a link to the news article, but in my opinion it's bollox. There's no way the body can"interpret it as sugar". In any case the expression "diabetic coma" is ambiguous. In theory very high blood sugar levels could lead to unconsciousness, but the vast majority of diabetics becoming unconscious are those on medication or especially insulin who have developed very low blood glucose, a condition called hypoglycaemia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 On Sunday, April 03, 2016 at 10:32 PM, Gurt said: Mrs Gurt's retarded parents had to visit today for another totally unnecessary social call and instead of a nice bottle of wine or some decent ales they brought with them some alcohol free lager. When my shite approximation-of-a-human-being father in law asked me what I thought I nearly head butted him and broke the bottle round his face. Anyone who would ever consider bringing this piss-water round someone else's house should have their bollocks used as ammo in a spud gun till there's nothing left You seem to like saying disgusting things about other peoples' parents. I wonder why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 2 hours ago, judgetwi said: You seem to like saying disgusting things about other peoples' parents. I wonder why. Because the seedless wanker will never be a parent himself. Just an educated presumption. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gurt Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 Two scything remarks there. Well done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 I will not stand for bullying and Judge and Drew are fucking idiots. Gurt, I know you're a pathetic excuse for a human, but are you alright? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted April 5, 2016 Report Share Posted April 5, 2016 9 hours ago, Rick_B said: You haven't provided a link to the news article, but in my opinion it's bollox. There's no way the body can"interpret it as sugar". In any case the expression "diabetic coma" is ambiguous. In theory very high blood sugar levels could lead to unconsciousness, but the vast majority of diabetics becoming unconscious are those on medication or especially insulin who have developed very low blood glucose, a condition called hypoglycaemia. I wish you were unconscious in hospital. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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