camberwell gypsy Posted June 14, 2018 Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 Was at my local Sainsbury's this morning and had to text my friend to ask her what wine she wanted. Now I consider myself intelligent enough to walk and text at the same time, so I texted my friend as I was walking. All of a sudden I heard behind be "Oi! Oi love! Stop where you are". I turned round to see some mixed race scruff, with a baseball cap (facing backward) approaching. "You ain't allowed to film in here". I told the thick cunt that I was texting and not filming. "I'm undercover security and I see you filming again I'll throw you out". I told him if he laid a finger on me I'd dump his dead body in the freezer with the choc ices and cornettos. Stupid cunt. Made a complaint with the manager who looked about 15, and fucked off. Next time I'll go to Lidl and do my shop lifting......Er...I mean shopping Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted June 14, 2018 Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 You have friends? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted June 14, 2018 Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 11 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: Was at my local Sainsbury's this morning and had to text my friend to ask her what wine she wanted. Now I consider myself intelligent enough to walk and text at the same time, so I texted my friend as I was walking. All of a sudden I heard behind be "Oi! Oi love! Stop where you are". I turned round to see some mixed race scruff, with a baseball cap (facing backward) approaching. "You ain't allowed to film in here". I told the thick cunt that I was texting and not filming. "I'm undercover security and I see you filming again I'll throw you out". I told him if he laid a finger on me I'd dump his dead body in the freezer with the choc ices and cornettos. Stupid cunt. Made a complaint with the manager who looked about 15, and fucked off. Next time I'll go to Lidl and do my shop lifting......Er...I mean shopping Was it really the phone that aroused his suspicion? Or was it the fact that your gusset smelled like you'd surreptitiously stashed half the shop's Captain Birdseye stock inside your knickers. Lol. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted June 14, 2018 Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 8 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: . Now I consider myself intelligent enough to walk and text at the same time, I also consider you quite capable of carrying out this multi tasking operation, however its when you couple this with blinking that you seem to have trouble maintaining consciousness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted June 14, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 8 minutes ago, Decimus said: Was it really the phone that aroused his suspicion? Or was it the fact that your gusset smelled like you'd surreptitiously stashed half the shop's Captain Birdseye stock inside your knickers. Lol. You wanna see where I hide the cucumber Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted June 14, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 14 minutes ago, Wolfie said: You have friends? I have. And well paid they are too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted June 14, 2018 Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: I have. And well paid they are too. WULLY CAN'T EVEN FIND FRIENDS WHEN HE PAYS THEM. OTHER THAN C WITH Ds Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted June 14, 2018 Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 3 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: You wanna see where I hide the cucumber Between your ears? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted June 14, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 1 hour ago, Wolfie said: Between your ears? Nope. In my Carmen Miranda hat. "I I,I,I,I,I,I, like you very much". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted June 14, 2018 Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 6 hours ago, Decimus said: Was it really the phone that aroused his suspicion? Or was it the fact that your gusset smelled like you'd surreptitiously stashed half the shop's Captain Birdseye stock inside your knickers. Lol. You've stumped me. I can't think of anything made by Birdseye that has the aroma of rubber pants and urine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 13 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: Was at my local Sainsbury's this morning and had to text my friend to ask her what wine she wanted. Now I consider myself intelligent enough to walk and text at the same time, so I texted my friend as I was walking. All of a sudden I heard behind be "Oi! Oi love! Stop where you are". I turned round to see some mixed race scruff, with a baseball cap (facing backward) approaching. "You ain't allowed to film in here". I told the thick cunt that I was texting and not filming. "I'm undercover security and I see you filming again I'll throw you out". I told him if he laid a finger on me I'd dump his dead body in the freezer with the choc ices and cornettos. Stupid cunt. Made a complaint with the manager who looked about 15, and fucked off. Next time I'll go to Lidl and do my shop lifting......Er...I mean shopping Did you pick his pockets as you were leaving? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 6 hours ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: You've stumped me. I can't think of anything made by Birdseye that has the aroma of rubber pants and urine. Try the fish fingers. Fucking marvellous, just like the old days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 27 minutes ago, judgetwi said: Try the fish fingers. Fucking marvellous, just like the old days. The fish fingers smell of rubber pants and urine?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 21 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: You wanna see where I hide the cucumber TBH I do find some of their staff squeemish .. I went to the local Sainsburys caff after my hospital visit and was just telling the woman about the injection in my eye and she kept saying "too much information". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 4 minutes ago, Penelope said: TBH I do find some of their staff squeemish .. I went to the local Sainsburys caff after my hospital visit and was just telling the woman about the injection in my eye and she kept saying "too much information". What she really meant was "I'm on a minimum wage zero-hours contract and I'm not paid enough to listen to the ramblings of a senile hermaphrodite" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 1 minute ago, Cap'n Cunt said: What she really meant was "I'm on a minimum wage zero-hours contract and I'm not paid enough to listen to the ramblings of a senile hermaphrodite" No that would have been if she was speaking to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 1 hour ago, Cap'n Cunt said: What she really meant was "I'm on a minimum wage zero-hours contract and I'm not paid enough to listen to the ramblings of a senile hermaphrodite" If it’s any consolation the rancid old bag must be only weeks away from forgetting her username and password. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 7 minutes ago, William T.D. Stickers said: If it’s any consolation the rancid old bag must be only weeks away from forgetting her username and password. I have just PM you my password in case I forget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DrCunt Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 22 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: You wanna see where I hide the cucumber I'd rather not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 11 minutes ago, William T.D. Stickers said: If it’s any consolation the rancid old bag must be only weeks away from forgetting her username and password. Stubby BSc has also got my number. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted June 15, 2018 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 3 minutes ago, Penelope said: Stubby BSc has also got my number. I haven't 😟 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 21 hours ago, Penelope said: No that would have been if she was speaking to you. I rarely engage in conversation with the lower classes, however I've made an exception in your case. Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 1 minute ago, Cap'n Cunt said: I rarely engage in conversation with the lower classes, however I've made an exception in your case. Fuck off. With you being a lower class spice user it is unlikely that you engage in conversation anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest N/A Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 14 minutes ago, Penelope said: With you being a lower class spice user it is unlikely that you engage in conversation anyway. Reported... rule 47 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 On 6/14/2018 at 1:32 PM, camberwell gypsy said: Was at my local Sainsbury's this morning and had to text my friend to ask her what wine she wanted. Now I consider myself intelligent enough to walk and text at the same time, so I texted my friend as I was walking. All of a sudden I heard behind be "Oi! Oi love! Stop where you are". I turned round to see some mixed race scruff, with a baseball cap (facing backward) approaching. "You ain't allowed to film in here". I told the thick cunt that I was texting and not filming. "I'm undercover security and I see you filming again I'll throw you out". I told him if he laid a finger on me I'd dump his dead body in the freezer with the choc ices and cornettos. Stupid cunt. Made a complaint with the manager who looked about 15, and fucked off. Next time I'll go to Lidl and do my shop lifting......Er...I mean shopping I'm in waitrose at present Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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