Outsourced Army Recruitment

[Penny Farthing]

So rather than those "shops" where you went to join up and become a man. Recruitment has been outsourced to Capita and from application to starting basic training can take as long as 321 days. Its not surprising that up to 48% of applicants are dropping out before the end of this process. Whilst there should be time to think about what you are letting yourself in for the realities for some of the older applicants are that in that time they may have found an alternative live vocation. Another point is traditionally a large proportion of services recruits come from Mickland and in that case we need to be fast responding as they often make high quality service men/women/trannies.don't knows. Time for Baxter Basics .. recruitment shops run by soldiers, sailors and RAF with recruitment run directly by the Army/Navy/RAF .. perhaps we also need to do something similar for the emergency services with joint shops that recruit NHS/Fire and Police directly.

[Mrs Roops]

6 minutes ago, The Bishop of Phlegm said:

So rather than those "shops" where you went to join up and become a man. Recruitment has been outsourced to Capita and from application to starting basic training can take as long as 321 days. Its not surprising that up to 48% of applicants applicants are dropping out before the end of this process. Whilst there should be time to think about what you are letting yourself in for the realities for some of the older applicants are that in that time they may have found an alternative live vocation. Another point is traditionally a large proportion of services recruits come from Mickland and in that case we need to be fast responding as they often make high quality service men/women/trannies.don't knows. Time for Baxter Basics .. recruitment shops run by soldiers, sailors and RAF with recruitment run directly by the Army/Navy/RAF .. perhaps we also need to do something similar for the emergency services with joint shops that recruit NHS/Fire and Police directly.

Its the whole ethos of contracting out services that should be handled by the state. Armed Forces recruitment is one of many state functions that has served the country poorly since out-sourcing contracts have been awarded, ostensibly for reasons of efficiency and cost savings. Outsourcers may well pitch that they can effectively manage an agency at less cost but a 30% profit margin has to be factored in to make the project viable to them. Obviously standards will fall as a result. Witness the disintegration of judicial services such as forensics, court translators and incredibly, the probation service.

[Penny Farthing]

6 minutes ago, Mrs Roops said:

Its the whole ethos of contracting out services that should be handled by the state. Armed Forces recruitment is one of many state functions that has served the country poorly since out-sourcing contracts have been awarded, ostensibly for reasons of efficiency and cost savings. Outsourcers may well pitch that they can effectively manage an agency at less cost but a 30% profit margin has to be factored in to make the project viable to them. Obviously standards will fall as a result. Witness the disintegration of judicial services such as forensics, court translators and incredibly, the probation service.

We also have this matter of the privately run prisons.

[Guest Couldn't give a shit]

40 minutes ago, Mrs Roops said:

Its the whole ethos of contracting out services that should be handled by the state. Armed Forces recruitment is one of many state functions that has served the country poorly since out-sourcing contracts have been awarded, ostensibly for reasons of efficiency and cost savings. Outsourcers may well pitch that they can effectively manage an agency at less cost but a 30% profit margin has to be factored in to make the project viable to them. Obviously standards will fall as a result. Witness the disintegration of judicial services such as forensics, court translators and incredibly, the probation service.

It pains me to say it but for once we are in agreement. With specific reference to the armed forces however, the traditionally rich recruitment pool of young men following Fathers, uncles and elder Brothers etc. into the armed forces is fast drying up due to repeated cutbacks and the despicable treatment of veterans by the MOD which has done absolutely fuck all for those who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan to further the business interests of scumbag companies like Halliburton and BAE.

Why would somebody just leaving school opt for a career in the armed forces after seeing a family member break his bollocks in some third world shithole with wank equipment only then to be told to fuck off back to civvy with nothing but a train ticket at the end of it as the politicians felch the arses of the heathen savages who have spent the last several years trying to kill them. 

It doesn't matter who manages the paperwork, the only way to improve the calibre of recruitment for the armed forces is to make it a career worthy of respect from the public at large again.

 

 

[Guest Queefer]

How the hell have we moved from the world of press ganging and conscription to some cunts paid half a billion to recruit squaddies and still failing.

In the sixties and seventies an adequate supply of cannon fodder were seduced by the idea of "join the army to see the world " and "endless free skiing trips". Recruiting staff got them to sign on the dotted line before they changed their mind - now it takes almost 11 months during which time their tree hugging mates talk them out of it.

New recruitment campaign on Farcebook : 

"Sick of your mates being knifed and shot - join the Army - we'll give you a gun and pay you to kill the cunts. You will be chasing off the Colchester Clunge with a shitty stick " 

 

 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

Some things should never be left to corporate profiteering.  Experienced recruiters and army training sergeants have developed a keen eye for spotting those who can make it and those who would be eaten alive and spit out.  If there is any actual background and character reference checks done by the corporate cunts, I would be shocked.  However, with the exponential growth of utterly useless cunts clogging taxpayer funded council housing, there is an argument to be made in favour of good old fashioned shanghai style recruitment...a bag over the head a light clubbing, and you wake up in a barracks with a group of other bruised and confused cunts about to have your life turned around for you.  I don't care if a corporation does that or the real savvy lads already in uniform.  

[Guest Queefer]

52 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said:

Some things should never be left to corporate profiteering.  Experienced recruiters and army training sergeants have developed a keen eye for spotting those who can make it and those who would be eaten alive and spit out.  If there is any actual background and character reference checks done by the corporate cunts, I would be shocked.  However, with the exponential growth of utterly useless cunts clogging taxpayer funded council housing, there is an argument to be made in favour of good old fashioned shanghai style recruitment...a bag over the head a light clubbing, and you wake up in a barracks with a group of other bruised and confused cunts about to have your life turned around for you.  I don't care if a corporation does that or the real savvy lads already in uniform.  

I entirely agree with every word. My only snowflaking concession is that if any recruits survive their military service they should be treated decently and be permitted to disposess a family of scrounging immigrants of their choice ( at gunpoint when necessary) and live decently. Without sounding like a tree hugger, 1 in 4 homeless in UK are service veterans whereas 4 in 4 immigrants are scrounging cunts.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

1 minute ago, Queefer said:

I entirely agree with every word. My only snowflaking concession is that if any recruits survive their military service they should be treated decently and be permitted to disposess a family of scrounging immigrants of their choice ( at gunpoint when necessary) and live decently. Without sounding like a tree hugger, 1 in 4 homeless in UK are service veterans whereas 4 in 4 immigrants are scrounging cunts.

Agreed.  Put our own first.  Tent cities on jagged rock shores is good enough for the lot of johnny foreigners if they insist on being here.  

[Guest Queefer]

6 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said:

Agreed.  Put our own first.  Tent cities on jagged rock shores is good enough for the lot of johnny foreigners if they insist on being here.  

 

6 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said:

Agreed.  Put our own first.  Tent cities on jagged rock shores is good enough for the lot of johnny foreigners if they insist on being here.  

Well alright if you compassionately insist but only if these rocky shores are seeded with a very generous helping of anti personnel mines and covered by cross firing machine guns.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

1 minute ago, Queefer said:

 

Well alright if you compassionately insist but only if these rocky shores are seeded with a very generous helping of anti personnel mines and covered by cross firing machine guns.

You are a skillful negotiator, Queef! I agree to those terms.

[Guest Queefer]

I gratefully accept your approval of my proposals .May I now resolve this other matter involving 27 Jonny foreigners - I might need 3 days, the invoice for WW2, a list of their fishing boats, a hunter killer submarine and that picture of Donald Tusk and the donkey.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

2 minutes ago, Queefer said:

I gratefully accept your approval of my proposals .May I now resolve this other matter involving 27 Jonny foreigners - I might need 3 days, the invoice for WW2, a list of their fishing boats, a hunter killer submarine and that picture of Donald Tusk and the donkey.

A helicopter gunship might be easier and faster to procure.  

[Guest Couldn't give a shit]

12 minutes ago, Queefer said:

 

Well alright if you compassionately insist but only if these rocky shores are seeded with a very generous helping of anti personnel mines and covered by cross firing machine guns.

I have an alternative proposal. A quota of freeloading scum be put to work clearing sewers and toxic brownfield sites to improve the daily lives of the law abiding population. Afterward they can be given residency status but confined to Liverpool where they can breed with our own freeloading scum but denied the right to own property or vote. I would also suggest that an annual cull be carried out in the city to keep population numbers down. That would help to prevent epidemics of Ebola and famine.

[Guest Queefer]

16 minutes ago, Couldn't give a shit said:

I have an alternative proposal. A quota of freeloading scum be put to work clearing sewers and toxic brownfield sites to improve the daily lives of the law abiding population. Afterward they can be given residency status but confined to Liverpool where they can breed with our own freeloading scum but denied the right to own property or vote. I would also suggest that an annual cull be carried out in the city to keep population numbers down. That would help to prevent epidemics of Ebola and famine.

I think you may be going soft , however  i shall agree in full only but only  if restricted to the Liverpool suburbs of Dingle and Toxteth which must be protected by a 10 metre wall. 

[Guest Couldn't give a shit]

Just now, Queefer said:

I think you may be going soft , however  i shall agree in full only but only  if restricted to the Liverpool suburbs of Dingle and Toxteth which must be protected by a 10 metre wall. 

Your idea has merit but I would urge that the occasional incursion be permitted for delousing and the odd abduction of test subjects for human experimentation.

[ratcum]

I'm off to the bush tucker barbecue at Chester Zoo

[Guest Queefer]

Go for the giraffe drumstick .

 

[Jiggerycock]

Read the opening nom and got as far as 'Capita' and simply gave it the 'thumbs up' on that basis alone.

Crapita are the weed growing out of the turgid pile of dung known as 'Outsourcing' (I did a nom on 'Outsourcing' and these shitehawks were the mongs I had in my minds eye all the time I was typing it out).

[Guest judgetwi]

Outsourcing is simply a government, council, etc inviting their posh, rich mates to help themselves to stick their snouts into the taxpayers trough. Lovely jubbly.

This would explain the recent , failed recruiting drive aimed at poofs, peacefuls and snowflakes. Those wankers don’t want to fight and we don’t want any of them getting their hands on weapons in the first place.

Born in Knightsbridge...... made in the Royal Navy.

Do me a fucking favour.

[Eric Cuntman]

24 minutes ago, judgetwi said:

Outsourcing is simply a government, council, etc inviting their posh, rich mates to help themselves to stick their snouts into the taxpayers trough. Lovely jubbly.

This would explain the recent , failed recruiting drive aimed at poofs, peacefuls and snowflakes. Those wankers don’t want to fight and we don’t want any of them getting their hands on weapons in the first place.

Born in Knightsbridge...... made in the Royal Navy.

Do me a fucking favour.

My secondary source of income is, basically conflict management, where the most important thing is being confident that the cunt at your shoulder has got your back. A career that I'm sure you will be interested to know, began after the epic battle with Leeds United's firm at the Arthur Waite terrace at Selhurst in 1988. Anyway, combat requires trust, and I'm certain that British soldiers are going to be less than comfortable, knowing that some of their 'colleagues' have already been indoctrinated by the enemy.