Wolfie

With such success, it makes you wonder how he ended up living in a caravan flogging Chinese stained-glass figurines. Does it have the name of the modest individual who 'factually contributed Bowie's entire discography'?

Norfolk's very own Big Mac-whale hybrid unsurprisingly reveals himself to be more Michelin Man than Michelin Star.

The tasteful ornaments have probably been sitting behind yellowing lace curtains in some old biddy's piss-soaked council bungalow for decades, before Age Concern carried out a death clearance. Either that or Jizz is a bailiff, though one has to assume he's way too much of a pussy, in addition to being mentally unstable, to do such a job.

Hardly surprising when you consider most drinks are being held with an irregular amount of fingers.

Does your large circle of friends who own dogs and have children also think you behave like a whingeing old fanny whose mental state has gone full-circle back to its teenage years?

This is a good clip. It's old, but it demonstrates Putin's perspective. And he cunts serial BBC bumwipe John Simpson, who I loathe with every cell in my body.

Apparently it's OK to bomb Syria, killing thousands of innocents in the process,, but to take a fraction of total casualties via chemical weaponry is just not acceptable. The US and UK have known about its use for decades, yet decide to broadcast the point in the wake of the Salisbury nerve agent shenanigans.

The more I see these pictures, the more I'm convinced you live by yourself in a static home. Take the horrifically poor join on the top-right photo's faux-wood window sill, for example. Is this the home of someone who portrays themself to have worked successfully in the music industry, so much so they were headhunted to contribute David Bowie's entire discography for an international book? And what the fuck has the note to Bill got to do with ornaments which look as though a charity shop paid someone to take them away?

Sure. That's why you didn't bother responding to it.

While very likely innocuous, well-done for unwittingly establishing a direct link between this site and the eyes of the Met Police, which I'm sure will go down a treat if they spot comments from libellous dickheads such as MC or IKTC. In addition to being among the most remedial people here, you really are a thick fucking anus.

Fucking Christ. Each time I've logged in during the past week, since your self-effacing messiah complex return, I've been greeted by a peanut-encrusted turd that just won't flush.

This is interesting, especially as previously visited websites tag your browser with tracking cookies to advertise their products.

I think we've found Henry Vincent's accomplice.

You ought to feel privileged to be in the company of such esteemed music industry royalty.

Ask Roops. She knows everything.

Since Khan's appointment, violent crime has soared, terrorist attacks have continued, and as the feeling of unease grows, the criticism he's receiving seems wholly justified.

Sure. Do you play? I'm keen on landing two in the same bed, and going upstairs for a finish in the lipstick.

He was more than capable of bull, double five.

Did he attempt to bribe them with KFC bargain buckets to cry for the camera?

In fact, where is Rick? It pains me to think it but I have a growing feeling he's popped his clogs in some Vegas hotel room, bottle of half-empty Wild Turkey by his side, nostrils lined with caked powder, having had his face mutilated by the bumcheeks of a hooker who looks like Diane Abbott.

Go easy on Roops, Bill. She hasn't had Rick to back her up recently.

Despite my rather rude comment above, Jazz, welcome back. We've been waiting for you. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say please do us all a favour and rid the site of Albert. And, when you've done that, give yourself a pat on the back and retire yourself. Thanks.

Good. That'll give me the opportunity to piss in the lager and try out my new cyanide pills.

You don't have to listen to Badly Drawn Boy tonight, Gyps. You can soothe your ears with whatever you wish; I suspect you're only about 10-15 years my senior, so the song below hopefully ticks the box. I'm cooking another curry (king prawn) and I wondered if you'd like to join me. I've got a fridge full of ice-cold Cobra beers, too (and white wine for backup). I can overlook the fact you're probably a little bit hairy. Let me know xx

Oh God.