Cap'n Cunt

This is cruel, disgusting and outrageously offensive. Well done!

Sir Walter Raleigh invented fags, potatoes and bicycles, and he was hard as fuck. If you don't like the smell of tobacco, you're most likely gay.

I think it more likely that Gwyneth shoved things up Chris Martin's arse rather than the other way round, given the suicide-inducing shite that he comes out with. I'd almost go so far as to admit that I'd rather have voles shoved up my bum than listen to Coldplay.

I fucking knew that. I was just making allowances for the uneducated.

There are several things I'd like to stick up Gwyneth Paltrow's ringpiece, including my cock, but until now I'd never considered coffee. After reading this: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/09/gwyneth-paltrow-goop-coffee-enema-colonic-irrigation (I was initially quite disgusted, but then I got a stiffy and had a wank whilst thinking about pumping some Maxwell House up my colon) I'm wondering if Starbucks and Costa will be offering to squirt latte or flat white up your arse rather than serve it in cups, and if so, will you still get one of those little biscuit things?

A prime example of baldism. If he'd had a 'fro he'd still have a job. I must say I don't like his beard, though.

Having ladies on the battlefield is a bad idea. Imagine coming across a fresh female corpse in the heat of battle, perhaps with her clothes blown off. You'd have to stop shooting and have a wank, or perhaps a sneaky finger if it was still warm.

That's a shame. I was hoping he might be aborted.

Don't go there. You'll start a Saville row. I'll get me cigar.

Stanley Milligram was a cunt, too. But on a much smaller scale.

Can admin create a safe space on CC, please? I feel threatened.

If one of my staff was stupid enough to employ a dull, whining skinhead cunt that needed training to mop a fucking floor, I'd sack both of the worthless twats.

I hope they show all the matches live on Eurosport.

Oh yes it is

In my opinion his hammer is unfeasibly large and heavy and would be quite useless for any tasks requiring accurate hammering, such as reupholstering an Edwardian armchair.

Thanks for the heads-up, however my interest in faecal matter is not a 'random placement' thing, this would amount to little more than a dirty protest or perhaps a Tracey Emin installation. My faecal interest is more focused and precise - I procure the services of busty ladies to defecate atop my glass-topped coffee table whilst I masturbate beneath. Did you not attend a public school?

That's a Guinness beer mat, not a passport.

If she had better tits, I'd let her shit on my glass-topped coffee table. But she hasn't, so she can fuck off and get boned by beardy men.

I spect they could get their spunk refunded if they asked.

More to the point, how did it get pregnant? Did the daddy give the mummy one up the shitter, felch his jism back out with a straw and then blow it up mummy's japseye?

Nice tits, but slightly baggy in the chin area, in my opinion.

Do you have any pictorial evidence of lions bumming cheetahs? And would this be lions from the Gay Pride?

I used to be a pharmacist. I would recommend you try KCN. One teaspoonful dissolved in water twice a day.

I'm confused by all this wacist rubbish. What about mimes or clowns who paint their faces white? Are they only wacists if they're black to start with? What about white people who purposefully go out in the summer and get a suntan? And why does a colour tv licence cost more than a black and white one?

I think you may have mistaken me for Hank Marvin, who has spent many years in the Shadows despite his absolutely shite guitar sound, and as far as I am aware he would have little interest in joining a clique. However, if you could get Cliff to join, he may reconsider.