Decimus Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 So, I've just decided to take my daily 3:30 shit to kill half an hour until I can fuck off home. I've been looking forward to this moment since 2pm. It's my favourite part of the working day, I have a sneaky puff on my e-cig, maybe a quick shufty if I'm feeling amorous, and a quick browse on the corner to read the latest excerpts from the annals of northern racist Manky. I drop my cheap, nylon kecks round my ankles and settle in for what I imagine will be a 2 pounder, only to be suddenly and violently assailed by the eye burning aroma of unwashed, sweaty genitalia. Some dirty cunt has absolutely stank the fucking cubicle out to the point that if I close my eyes, I could easily imagine that I'm in a Gouda factory in Brighton, with The Judge squatting over my nostrils after he's had a gruelling, sweat inducing buggering. I appear to be one of the only cunts in the building to wash his cock in the sink every morning. Dirty cunts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 4 minutes ago, Decimus said: So, I've just decided to take my daily 3:30 shit to kill half an hour until I can fuck off home. I've been looking forward to this moment since 2pm. It's my favourite part of the working day, I have a sneaky puff on my e-cig, maybe a quick shufty if I'm feeling amorous, and a quick browse on the corner to read the latest excerpts from the annals of northern racist Manky. I drop my cheap, nylon kecks round my ankles and settle in for what I imagine will be a 2 pounder, only to be suddenly and violently assailed by the eye burning aroma of unwashed, sweaty genitalia. Some dirty cunt has absolutely stank the fucking cubicle out to the point that if I close my eyes, I could easily imagine that I'm in a Gouda factory in Brighton, with The Judge squatting over my nostrils after he's had a gruelling, sweat inducing buggering. I appear to be one of the only cunts in the building to wash his cock in the sink every morning. Dirty cunts. Erm....you see what I'm getting at here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 You literally think your own shit don't stink, don't you? Fucking arrogant deluded cunt. When you pull your foreskin back it looks like its been in an alpine blizzard. I hope e-cigs turn out to cause serious health implications further down the line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 3 minutes ago, MikeD said: Erm....you see what I'm getting at here? It's like taking a shit, Mike. It doesn't matter if it stinks of cat food and could strip paint off of the walls, if it' your own it doesn't seem to stink. That's how I know it's not the accumlated sweat of my own mighty package. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 6 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: I hope e-cigs turn out to cause serious health implications further down the line. I fucking certainly hope so, the thought of living past sixty and logging on to here to discuss our mutual prostate issues via PM is enough to make me pine for throat cancer. Hopefully, any future prostate issues you develop will be of the non-treatable terminal nature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 5 minutes ago, Decimus said: I fucking certainly hope so, the thought of living past sixty and logging on to here to discuss our mutual prostate issues via PM is enough to make me pine for throat cancer. Hopefully, any future prostate issues you develop will be of the non-treatable terminal nature. You have immediate issues with your prostate. Most notably, the huge cock that keeps smashing into the fucking thing every night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 A schoolboy error and easily avoided.....do as I do...a quick recce at all the empty traps and things to particularly look for are: piss on the seat piss on the floor and poor attempt at clean up with yellow soaked bog roll left on floor a strong intense aroma of internal human gas emissions in concentration....I say human because some humans are fucking animals. Bismarks in the pan....some cunts apparently cannot work out the flush function. Bog roll quantity check and the absolute worse....shit stains on seat and the wall. Never....never use a trap between two occupied traps....it is common dump etiquette not to intrude on others personal dump space. Follow this simple and easy check to ensure a happy and peaceful evacuation.....Disabled toilets are usually quite good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 4 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: You have immediate issues with your prostate. Most notably, t he huge cock that keeps smashing into the fucking thing every night. Agreed, although I wouldn't go as far as to describe your four incher as huge. I don't know why you have to be quite so rough. And you're a stingy fucker with the reach arounds as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 2 minutes ago, luke swarm said: piss on the seat piss on the floor and poor attempt at clean up with yellow soaked bog roll left on floor a strong intense aroma of internal human gas emissions in concentration....I say human because some humans are fucking animals. Bismarks in the pan....some cunts apparently cannot work out the flush function. and the absolute worse....shit stains on seat and the wall. You're such a perverse cunt that I'm unsure whether these are the qualities you seek out in a cubicle, or try to avoid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 4 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: You're such a perverse cunt that I'm unsure whether these are the qualities you seek out in a cubicle, or try to avoid. really....not like you to be unsure.....been a long week has it, never mind the weekends here and you can get ready for a spot of relaxing cottaging with young Decimus, but be courteous and generous with the reach arounds, I understand he is unhappy with being shortchanged but is too polite to mention it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 Typical un-British toiletry habits. Lazy, workshy skiving cunt. Yes, I mean you Decimus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ahriman Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 2 hours ago, luke swarm said: A schoolboy error and easily avoided.....do as I do...a quick recce at all the empty traps and things to particularly look for are: piss on the seat piss on the floor and poor attempt at clean up with yellow soaked bog roll left on floor a strong intense aroma of internal human gas emissions in concentration....I say human because some humans are fucking animals. Bismarks in the pan....some cunts apparently cannot work out the flush function. Bog roll quantity check and the absolute worse....shit stains on seat and the wall. Never....never use a trap between two occupied traps....it is common dump etiquette not to intrude on others personal dump space. Follow this simple and easy check to ensure a happy and peaceful evacuation.....Disabled toilets are usually quite good. That's nothing, you should see the state of the mens... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 Toilet humour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 4 hours ago, Decimus said: It's like taking a shit, Mike. It doesn't matter if it stinks of cat food and could strip paint off of the walls, if it' your own it doesn't seem to stink. That's how I know it's not the accumlated sweat of my own mighty package. I'll take your word for it. But just incase, wash your knackers you smelly bastard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted June 16, 2017 Report Share Posted June 16, 2017 (edited) Look and learn. This is one of the old classics, when noms were great. Look who contributed to it. R. I. P. Decimus, Bill, Swarm, MikeD, I miss you three. You have left a void. Edited June 16, 2017 by Witheredscrote pre Bubba excellence, 'not one fuck off or idiot' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 16, 2017 Report Share Posted June 16, 2017 1 hour ago, Witheredscrote said: Look and learn. This is one of the old classics, when noms were great. Look who contributed to it. R. I. P. Decimus, Bill, Swarm, MikeD, I miss you three. You have left a void. What happened to Luke? He hasn't popped up for months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest King_Cunt Posted June 16, 2017 Report Share Posted June 16, 2017 On 04/12/2015 at 3:45 PM, Decimus said: So, I've just decided to take my daily 3:30 shit to kill half an hour until I can fuck off home. I've been looking forward to this moment since 2pm. It's my favourite part of the working day, I have a sneaky puff on my e-cig, maybe a quick shufty if I'm feeling amorous, and a quick browse on the corner to read the latest excerpts from the annals of northern racist Manky. I drop my cheap, nylon kecks round my ankles and settle in for what I imagine will be a 2 pounder, only to be suddenly and violently assailed by the eye burning aroma of unwashed, sweaty genitalia. Some dirty cunt has absolutely stank the fucking cubicle out to the point that if I close my eyes, I could easily imagine that I'm in a Gouda factory in Brighton, with The Judge squatting over my nostrils after he's had a gruelling, sweat inducing buggering. I appear to be one of the only cunts in the building to wash his cock in the sink every morning. Dirty cunts. I use the managing directors toilet, there's pot pourri, quilted arse wipe, plus the company WI-FI is good in there...I've avoided the staff toilets for some time mainly due to the fact that someone always seems to do a Guinness shit in there.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted June 16, 2017 Report Share Posted June 16, 2017 4 hours ago, Witheredscrote said: Look and learn. This is one of the old classics, when noms were great. Look who contributed to it. R. I. P. Decimus, Bill, Swarm, MikeD, I miss you three. You have left a void. Yes, it would seem the unrest didn't start until Blubba the Grass joined. Coincidence? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 16, 2017 Report Share Posted June 16, 2017 1 hour ago, King_Cunt said: I use the managing directors toilet, there's pot pourri, quilted arse wipe, plus the company WI-FI is good in there...I've avoided the staff toilets for some time mainly due to the fact that someone always seems to do a Guinness shit in there.. I remember Guinness shits, it's as though someone has converted your arse into a liquorice dispenser while you were asleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted June 16, 2017 Report Share Posted June 16, 2017 9 hours ago, Witheredscrote said: Look and learn. This is one of the old classics, when noms were great. Look who contributed to it. R. I. P. Decimus, Bill, Swarm, MikeD, I miss you three. You have left a void. Excellent work Withers. I was curious who would locate and resurrect a gem such as this. Decs obviously was a man of standing in his organization to have access to both smelly minge AND bollocks. That combination is usually reserved for the unisex bogs of management. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted June 16, 2017 Report Share Posted June 16, 2017 17 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: Excellent work Withers. I was curious who would locate and resurrect a gem such as this. Decs obviously was a man of standing in his organization to have access to both smelly minge AND bollocks. That combination is usually reserved for the unisex bogs of management. I miss the web footed fen monkey, time for an olive branch from the mods I think, that goes for cockfingers 'an all. Or perhaps they're still here?? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted June 16, 2017 Report Share Posted June 16, 2017 1 minute ago, Stubby Pecker said: I miss the web footed fen monkey, time for an olive branch from the mods I think, that goes for cockfingers 'an all. Or perhaps they're still here?? It would be interesting to have them back. Fuck knows Pen is an anchor around the neck of the Corner, and she's doing her bit to throw the place off the cliff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted June 16, 2017 Report Share Posted June 16, 2017 2 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: It would be interesting to have them back. Fuck knows Pen is an anchor around the neck of the Corner, and she's doing her bit to throw the place off the cliff. True, but the senile old cow has been here longer than most so privilege of rank. The silly mare occasionally plucks out a nugget that isn't a steaming turd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted June 17, 2017 Report Share Posted June 17, 2017 13 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said: I miss the web footed fen monkey, time for an olive branch from the mods I think, that goes for cockfingers 'an all. Or perhaps they're still here?? It would of been ok if they didn't have this little school yard clique of theirs. Every thread turned into a Ding slagging off thread that got just as tedious,if not more tedious,than Punkers golfing aids shite. Decs was famous for his meltdowns which was his in undoing in the end, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted June 17, 2017 Report Share Posted June 17, 2017 11 hours ago, Snatch said: It would of been ok if they didn't have this little school yard clique of theirs. Every thread turned into a Ding slagging off thread that got just as tedious,if not more tedious,than Punkers golfing aids shite. Decs was famous for his meltdowns which was his in undoing in the end, Agreed, the anti ding rhetoric was tiresome and I called the cunts out on it more than once, to be fair to ding he never took a backward step the stubborn yorkie cunt. How was the cooler; walking like John Wayne or settle a few vendettas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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