Guest deebom Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 Just a small thing, but it irritates me. People who press the buttons in the lift for no reason other than they cant not press them. I'm in the lift, someone gets in and rather than wait the whole 3 seconds for the doors to shut, they have to press the door close button? They do it on every floor? Some cunts even press it as soon as the doors are fully open, causing people entering to have a mild scuffle as the the doors try to shut on them. We have 8 lifts at work, so you might press the button to call one, and the lift furthest away may come first. Sometimes, because of these fucking cunts, by the time you have strolled over to the lift, the doors have closed because the didgy tosswaffle inside has pressed the door close button. So you have to call another. Some cunts even press the button to the floor they are going to every time the lift stops... But they're just OCD loonies who probably kill cats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 2 minutes ago, deebom said: Just a small thing, but it irritates me. People who press the buttons in the lift for no reason other than they cant not press them. I'm in the lift, someone gets in and rather than wait the whole 3 seconds for the doors to shut, they have to press the door close button? They do it on every floor? Some cunts even press it as soon as the doors are fully open, causing people entering to have a mild scuffle as the the doors try to shut on them. We have 8 lifts at work, so you might press the button to call one, and the lift furthest away may come first. Sometimes, because of these fucking cunts, by the time you have strolled over to the lift, the doors have closed because the didgy tosswaffle inside has pressed the door close button. So you have to call another. Some cunts even press the button to the floor they are going to every time the lift stops... But they're just OCD loonies who probably kill cats. You're developing a general all round psychosis. Are you still taking illegal drugs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 I actually did a post like this one. The action that gets my goat is when you are waiting for the lift. Its obvious that the button had been pushed because its glowing red, yet you bet your life the next 2 cunts that enter the building push the button again, like they have special Harry Potter like powers that makes the lift fucking speed up, bypassing all the other floors, thus coming just to pick them up. Same with waiting at road crossings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 Leaving a ring burner of a fart just before exit and smiling sweetly at the people entering the lift, then hearing the screams of the occupants as they pray for release makes the day move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 49 minutes ago, deebom said: Just a small thing, but it irritates me. People who press the buttons in the lift for no reason other than they cant not press them. I'm in the lift, someone gets in and rather than wait the whole 3 seconds for the doors to shut, they have to press the door close button? They do it on every floor? Some cunts even press it as soon as the doors are fully open, causing people entering to have a mild scuffle as the the doors try to shut on them. We have 8 lifts at work, so you might press the button to call one, and the lift furthest away may come first. Sometimes, because of these fucking cunts, by the time you have strolled over to the lift, the doors have closed because the didgy tosswaffle inside has pressed the door close button. So you have to call another. Some cunts even press the button to the floor they are going to every time the lift stops... But they're just OCD loonies who probably kill cats. I've discovered that you can prevent people pressing the button if you manage to press it first........................................................ ....................................with your erect cock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 52 minutes ago, deebom said: Just a small thing, but it irritates me. People who press the buttons in the lift for no reason other than they cant not press them. I'm in the lift, someone gets in and rather than wait the whole 3 seconds for the doors to shut, they have to press the door close button? They do it on every floor? Some cunts even press it as soon as the doors are fully open, causing people entering to have a mild scuffle as the the doors try to shut on them. We have 8 lifts at work, so you might press the button to call one, and the lift furthest away may come first. Sometimes, because of these fucking cunts, by the time you have strolled over to the lift, the doors have closed because the didgy tosswaffle inside has pressed the door close button. So you have to call another. Some cunts even press the button to the floor they are going to every time the lift stops... But they're just OCD loonies who probably kill cats. Go outside with an old beef McCoys packet, scoop up a dog shite, go back inside, get in the lift and rub it in your eyes and hair. As well as being hilarious, you'll have the lift to yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 1 hour ago, deebom said: Just a small thing, but it irritates me. People who press the buttons in the lift for no reason other than they cant not press them. I'm in the lift, someone gets in and rather than wait the whole 3 seconds for the doors to shut, they have to press the door close button? They do it on every floor? Some cunts even press it as soon as the doors are fully open, causing people entering to have a mild scuffle as the the doors try to shut on them. We have 8 lifts at work, so you might press the button to call one, and the lift furthest away may come first. Sometimes, because of these fucking cunts, by the time you have strolled over to the lift, the doors have closed because the didgy tosswaffle inside has pressed the door close button. So you have to call another. Some cunts even press the button to the floor they are going to every time the lift stops... But they're just OCD loonies who probably kill cats. I do it, just to have the lift to myself. I can spot a cunt approaching, and I will beat the door close button with a fucking hammer to avoid sharing the lift. Might very well be a cunt, but it's a cunt we're all guilty of perpetrating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 12, 2016 Report Share Posted January 12, 2016 10 hours ago, Punkape said: You're developing a general all round psychosis. Are you still taking illegal drugs? I'm hoping that he is. I'm also hoping that he is a technological genius capable of tracing your IP back to your address. Nothing would please me more than Deebs turning up at your halfway house, smacked off his fucking tits on LSD and speed, with a knife in one hand, and a message from the pixie king in the other, which demands that he skins you alive and then piss on your bloody, mutilated, syphilis ridden corpse after. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted January 12, 2016 Report Share Posted January 12, 2016 Your sick fantasy succinctly portrays a complete moral vacuum and nihilistic depravity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 12, 2016 Report Share Posted January 12, 2016 Just now, Punkape said: Your sick fantasy succinctly portrays a complete moral vacuum and nihilistic depravity. That's about the only true thing you've ever said on here. Spot on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted January 12, 2016 Report Share Posted January 12, 2016 I thought this nom was going to be about ironing shirts. Now that really is a cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted January 12, 2016 Report Share Posted January 12, 2016 16 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Go outside with an old beef McCoys packet, scoop up a dog shite, go back inside, get in the lift and rub it in your eyes and hair. As well as being hilarious, you'll have the lift to yourself. You been reading the Viz Top Tips again? You do know that they are not supposed to be acted upon in real life? 2 hours ago, Punkape said: Your sick fantasy succinctly portrays a complete moral vacuum and nihilistic depravity. Where did you copy and paste that from? 1 hour ago, nobgobbler said: I thought this nom was going to be about ironing shirts. Now that really is a cunt. Back to the housework you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted January 12, 2016 Report Share Posted January 12, 2016 28 minutes ago, DingTheDoggie!! said: You been reading the Viz Top Tips again? You do know that they are not supposed to be acted upon in real life? Where did you copy and paste that from? Back to the housework you... I don't mind if other cunts act on the advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colonelkurtz Posted January 13, 2016 Report Share Posted January 13, 2016 a maintenance engineer once told me that most modern lift control system processors incorporate a ntca [not that cunt again] detector that increases the waiting time with each successive prod of the landing call button. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted January 13, 2016 Report Share Posted January 13, 2016 23 minutes ago, colonelkurtz said: a maintenance engineer once told me that most modern lift control system processors incorporate a ntca [not that cunt again] detector that increases the waiting time with each successive prod of the landing call button. Are you fucking well spying through my webcam????????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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