Guest Wizardsleeve Posted June 22, 2016 Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 What's long and hard and makes women groan? An ironing board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted June 22, 2016 Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 What's long and hard and makes women groan? A broom handle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 22, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 What's long and hard and makes women groan? Not me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted June 22, 2016 Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 What's short and soft and makes a woman sigh? Wizardsleeve's infantile maggot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted June 22, 2016 Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 What's long, stiff and makes everyone sigh? Dings' posts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted June 22, 2016 Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 3 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: What's long and hard and makes women groan? A long queue outside the bingo 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted June 22, 2016 Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 1 hour ago, Bubbles said: What's long, stiff and makes everyone sigh? Ding's posts. ....with orgasmic pleasure... Dings' post. * Correct apostrophe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 The referendum is over. The enormity of it is only just starting to hit me. We won't be allowed into the Eurovision Song Contest any more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 The effects of the Leave vote are already hitting us. I've been to seven shops this evening, and they've all run out of French champagne. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted June 24, 2016 Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 I've just finished reading a book about Stockholm Syndrome. The first few chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Whats the difference between racism and Asians? Racism has many faces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 On 19 June 2016 at 0:27 PM, scotty said: I finished going down on my girlfriend, and she snuggled up to to me. "Tell me," she whispered shyly, "what do I taste like down there?" I thought for a moment. "Do you remember that holiday in the Bahamas, when we got up at midnight and went for a moonlit swim?" I asked. "Well, that's what you taste of...beautiful, warm, crystal clear seawater....." "Oh, what a lovely thing to say," she sniffled. "...that somebody's pissed in," I said. And shat in, the fucking dirty slag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 1 hour ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: And shat in, the fucking dirty slag Quince, this is just a shot in the dark, but do you have any German ancestry at all? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 As I packed my bags and left the house, my wife screamed "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard." I said "Oh, so now you want me to stay?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 My wife left a note on the fridge saying "It's no good, it's just not working. I'm staying at my mums place for a while." I opened it, the light came on and the beers were ice cold, so fuck knows what she was on about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 I remember going to an Old Firm game and being amazed by the sheer amount of clapping going on. Then I realised I was in Scotland, and they were all just trying to find a vein. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 I was in the supermarket queue and the cashier asked the Polish couple in front if they wanted any help packing their bags. I said "fucking hell, we only voted two days ago, give them a chance." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CaptainCuntoff Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 Been trying to find a shit Web site full of shit jokes by a load of cunts...........et voila Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 I'll never forget my sons first words to me. "I don't give a fuck if you need a kidney, where the hell have you been for the last thirty years?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 Only three percent of British women are naturally blonde. This is from a survey conducted by myself on the escalators at Kings Cross. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 On 25 June 2016 at 3:24 PM, scotty said: Quince, this is just a shot in the dark, but do you have any German ancestry at all? I don't think so. I think they were from Melrose or something. I am convinced I'm superior to Jews though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 19 minutes ago, scotty said: Only three percent of British women are naturally blonde. This is from a survey conducted by myself on the escalators at Kings Cross. Were you actually able to find enough specimens escaped from the primate exhibit to conduct such a scientific assessment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 37 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: Were you actually able to find enough specimens escaped from the primate exhibit to conduct such a scientific assessment? Yes Wiz, but I also discovered that a mirror on your shoe can actually get you arrested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 I was approached by a prostitute in Portsmouth who asked if I wanted a fuck. "I would, but I've only got a fiver" I said. Luckily, she had change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 1 hour ago, CaptainCuntoff said: Been trying to find a shit Web site full of shit jokes by a load of cunts...........et voila Feel free to add a few. We're on a mission here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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