Guest nobgobbler Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 7 hours ago, Gong Farmer said: I've asked for one these for Xmas. You can have mine. It scares the shit out of me. I have nightmares about shredding my fingers off while trying to unjam the cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 1 hour ago, nobgobbler said: You can have mine. It scares the shit out of me. I have nightmares about shredding my fingers off while trying to unjam the cunt. Oh thanks. I was thinking of using it in the kitchen to shred rollmops. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 18 hours ago, Tata Steely Dan said: A machine that is designed to rip paper up consistently. Nothing complex, just turn my bank statements, billet-doux and evidence of financial mismanagement into ribbons. Basically a machine designed because I'm a lazy cunt that cannot be bothered spending half an hour with a pair of scissors, or forbici as they say in Italy. Instead you spend hunners of money on some grouchy, grumpy machine that fails to deliver the goods. The minute you feed A4 sheets of paper into the slightly-too-narrow the fucking thing overheats and you have to spend 15 minutes with your thumb up your fucking brown eye waiting for the thing thermocouple to cool down. Staples in your pages? No fucking dice. Waxed paper? No fucking dice. Empty the thing and you have to lift the machinery section off a box of paper tagliatelle, with carcinogenic paper dust and papery strips getting all up in your face. You can trace your route to the bins by following the meter-wide trail of paper shreddies through your house. Cunt finds any reason not to shred your paper, then creates a toxic dust-cloud of bullshit when it does. Then you have to dump the paper shreds in your bin and look like a pretentious cunt or, more likely, the wind blows your paper waste all down the fucking street coating the neighbourhood in vivisectioned four year old bank statements and letters from the procurator fiscal. Fuck it. Got through about 3 of them back in the summer, the original one was the only one that survived. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 5 hours ago, Bubba C said: If we're making requests, could you ask the disgusting froggy slime to switch off his life-support machine, please Ape? Seasons greetings Bubba, I hope you are keeping well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 1 hour ago, nobgobbler said: You can have mine. It scares the shit out of me. I have nightmares about shredding my fingers off while trying to unjam the cunt. You no doubt used yours as a lady shave. Your pissflaps probably blunted the cutters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 15 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said: You no doubt used yours as a lady shave. Your pissflaps probably blunted the cutters. lovely avatar Scrotely. I look forward to eating your liver with a tired unfunny reference to Hannibal Lechter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 4 hours ago, Gong Farmer said: Oh thanks. I was thinking of using it in the kitchen to shred rollmops. You could market those. Could be the 2017 shopping channel best seller. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 There's only one thing the BBC does better than excellent programmes and that's congratulating itself on how brill they are. This time around Living Planet gave over a full 10 minutes of each episode to explaining was just about how good it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 4 hours ago, Gong Farmer said: Oh thanks. I was thinking of using it in the kitchen to shred rollmops. Roll-mop herrings are for lower-middle class sods. Smoked salmon or kippers are the gentleman's choice or smoked eel. Faggot. Lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 8 minutes ago, ratcum said: There's only one thing the BBC does better than excellent programmes and that's congratulating itself on how brill they are. This time around Living Planet gave over a full 10 minutes of each episode to explaining was just about how good it is. They've got form for this, the fucking cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 1 hour ago, Punkape said: Roll-mop herrings are for lower-middle class sods. Smoked salmon or kippers are the gentleman's choice or smoked eel. Faggot. Lol. Kippers indeed, true gentlemen only eat Arbroath Smokies you fucking cretin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 5 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: They've got form for this, the fucking cunts. I know I'll get fucked for this, but there's a load of cunts at the BBC Baws and they need fuckin sorting out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 3 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said: Kippers indeed, true gentlemen only eat Arbroath Smokies you fucking cretin. I get mine from Craster in England not some Scottish shit... Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 My Aunty Vi said she used to get all her crabs from Henry Blogg of Cromer. Funny enough, the rancid old cow never cooked any for us kids. And I know for a fact that Henry didn't have a boat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 11 minutes ago, Punkape said: I get mine from Craster in England not some Scottish shit... Fuck off. I think most of us would prefer Craster kippers to shit from Scotland. Mind you, Nicola Sturgeon's plop might be something you'd like to try Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 I've just realised how pleasing it is say 'plop' and will be saying it quite often in the future Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 4 minutes ago, ratcum said: I've just realised how pleasing it is say 'plop' and will be saying it quite often in the future The adjective 'ploppy' also has a pleasant ring to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 23 minutes ago, ratcum said: My Aunty Vi said she used to get all her crabs from Henry Blogg of Cromer. Funny enough, the rancid old cow never cooked any for us kids. And I know for a fact that Henry didn't have a boat. Perhaps he had access to a barnacle encrusted groyne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 19 minutes ago, ratcum said: I think most of us would prefer Craster kippers to shit from Scotland. Mind you, Nicola Sturgeon's plop might be something you'd like to try Fuck off you disgusting fucking oik. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 6 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: The adjective 'ploppy' also has a pleasant ring to it. There is much in what you say Eric but I prefer plop for the finality of its ending. It's almost a punctuation in its own right. Pinter probably did a plop in his plays but a ploppy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 4 minutes ago, Punkape said: Fuck off you disgusting fucking oik. come on, you just know it'll be good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 17 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Perhaps he had access to a barnacle encrusted groyne. plop Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 9 minutes ago, ratcum said: There is much in what you say Eric but I prefer plop for the finality of its ending. It's almost a punctuation in its own right. Pinter probably did a plop in his plays but a ploppy? There was a Mr & Mrs Ploppy in Blackadder. They cared for the prisoners condemned to beheading by Queen Lizzie the 1st Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said: There was a Mr & Mrs Ploppy in Blackadder. They cared for the prisoners condemned to beheading by Queen Lizzie the 1st I know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted December 18, 2016 Report Share Posted December 18, 2016 14 hours ago, Punkape said: Roll-mop herrings are for lower-middle class sods. Smoked salmon or kippers are the gentleman's choice or smoked eel. Faggot. Lol. Smoked eels are a staple here and they're classless. The difference between you Island Monkeys and us filthy foreign continentals is that you eat to live while we live to eat. Now fuck off back to your pie and mash. Ninny. Lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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