Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted December 16, 2016 Report Share Posted December 16, 2016 A machine that is designed to rip paper up consistently. Nothing complex, just turn my bank statements, billet-doux and evidence of financial mismanagement into ribbons. Basically a machine designed because I'm a lazy cunt that cannot be bothered spending half an hour with a pair of scissors, or forbici as they say in Italy. Instead you spend hunners of money on some grouchy, grumpy machine that fails to deliver the goods. The minute you feed A4 sheets of paper into the slightly-too-narrow the fucking thing overheats and you have to spend 15 minutes with your thumb up your fucking brown eye waiting for the thing thermocouple to cool down. Staples in your pages? No fucking dice. Waxed paper? No fucking dice. Empty the thing and you have to lift the machinery section off a box of paper tagliatelle, with carcinogenic paper dust and papery strips getting all up in your face. You can trace your route to the bins by following the meter-wide trail of paper shreddies through your house. Cunt finds any reason not to shred your paper, then creates a toxic dust-cloud of bullshit when it does. Then you have to dump the paper shreds in your bin and look like a pretentious cunt or, more likely, the wind blows your paper waste all down the fucking street coating the neighbourhood in vivisectioned four year old bank statements and letters from the procurator fiscal. Fuck it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted December 16, 2016 Report Share Posted December 16, 2016 I've always hated these cunts, but I never realised it until now. Spot on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted December 16, 2016 Report Share Posted December 16, 2016 1 minute ago, Cuntybaws said: I've always hated these cunts, but I never realised it until now. Spot on. Give me a like then, you parsimonious prod. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted December 16, 2016 Report Share Posted December 16, 2016 1 minute ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Give me a like then... Just this once, then, but that had better not be a fucking euphemism. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted December 16, 2016 Report Share Posted December 16, 2016 1 minute ago, Cuntybaws said: Just this once, then, but that had better not be a fucking euphemism. Nah, proddies are ugly, mean spirited whiners with haletosis, whereas catholics are dim-witted, have too many children and have a Pavlovian response to bells being rung and incense being poofed around. Simple shit. Fuck them both in equal measure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 I've asked for one these for Xmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 I find them useful. In fact I'll print out the fucking novel of a fucking nom then shred the cunt. There's an idea,Admin,can you add s shred button? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 22 minutes ago, Snatch said: I find them useful. In fact I'll print out the fucking novel of a fucking nom then shred the cunt. There's an idea,Admin,can you add s shred button? I would prefer a burn button. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 1 hour ago, Snatch said: I find them useful. In fact I'll print out the fucking novel of a fucking nom then shred the cunt. There's an idea,Admin,can you add s shred button? Never had one, never will. They use electricity. I live in the wide open countryside and burn all my paper, plastic, worn tyres and the occasional dead sheep, thus saving energy and time. Fuck the environment and fuck the Greens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 46 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said: Never had one, never will. They use electricity. I live in the wide open countryside and burn all my paper, plastic, worn tyres and the occasional dead sheep, thus saving energy and time. Fuck the environment and fuck the Greens. You could save a bit more energy by switching off your phone and computer, and shutting the fuck up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 1 hour ago, Ape said: You could save a bit more energy by switching off your phone and computer, and shutting the fuck up. If we're making requests, could you ask the disgusting froggy slime to switch off his life-support machine, please Ape? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 I got two shredders: my Pit bulls ......sorry......Cocker spaniels Killer and psycho. They'll fucking shred anything paper, cardboard, toddlers, plastic. You name it they'll destroy it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 These devices fall well into the you-get-what-you-pay-for category. Set out some extra dish for a good one and you never give it a second thought as you shred your spouses life insurance documents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Batbomb Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 surely much simpler just to threaten your co-workers to never ever fucking dare look at your stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 24 minutes ago, Batbomb said: surely much simpler just to threaten your co-workers to never ever fucking dare look at your stuff That approach didn't work out too well for Pete Townshend or Gary Glitter. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 5 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: That approach didn't work out too well for Pete Townshend or Gary Glitter. Where's the book, Pete? Where's the fucking book? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Batbomb Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 6 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: That approach didn't work out too well for Pete Townshend or Gary Glitter. Safest thing these days is to just draw your own porn... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 1 minute ago, Decimus said: Where's the book, Pete? Where's the fucking book? "Hope I die before I get found out" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 1 minute ago, Batbomb said: Safest thing these days is to just draw your own porn... keith? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 4 minutes ago, Decimus said: Where's the book, Pete? Where's the fucking book? He won't write it because he Won't be Fooled Again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Batbomb Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 1 minute ago, Alfie Noakes said: keith? not keith whoever he is Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 Just now, Batbomb said: not keith whoever he is keith lard drew a lot of dodgy porn and posted it to members. It was gay scat mostly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Batbomb Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 2 minutes ago, Alfie Noakes said: keith lard drew a lot of dodgy porn and posted it to members. It was gay scat mostly. How is gay people playing reggae pornographic ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 1 minute ago, Batbomb said: How is gay people playing reggae pornographic ? Very drole, men in full nappies being spanked with the shit flying everywhere was one of the worst. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Batbomb Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 1 minute ago, Alfie Noakes said: Very drole, men in full nappies being spanked with the shit flying everywhere was one of the worst. How awful. Shutter speed critical that kind of stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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