Distressed look furniture

[Guest Lady Penelope]

This really is the greatest possible crime against civilisation and is pure cuntery, you take a decent item of brown furniture and sandpaper off the paint and varnish and then slap a coat of weak white emulsion on it. Only a cad and bounder would do such an evil thing .. people who do this should be horse-whipped. Good quality brown furniture is never out of fashion.

[Eric Cuntman]

2 hours ago, The Lady Penelope said:

This really is the greatest possible crime against civilisation and is pure cuntery, you take a decent item of brown furniture and sandpaper off the paint and varnish and then slap a coat of weak white emulsion on it. Only a cad and bounder would do such an evil thing .. people who do this should be horse-whipped. Good quality brown furniture is never out of fashion.

I agree wholeheartedly Pen, but this is not an example of decent furniture, it's held together with clout nails and topped with B&Q economy tongue and groove floorboards. I've seen this duck egg blue wash treatment done to an antique Gillows dining table, and the cunt responsible should be nail gunned and claw hammered.

[Eric Cuntman]

The correct finish for oak or mahogany is French polish, I wonder if Eastern Europeans use 'Polish polish'?

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

Is this the racist furniture thread?

[Guest Snatch]

Any furniture that is classed as antique should be taken in the streets and ceremoniously set on fire. Antiques in general are for cunts. 

[Neil]

I went to buy an antique chair once and the cushion had blood all over it,the bloke told me it was a period piece

Mike D for London Mayor

[Witheredscrote]

9 hours ago, The Lady Penelope said:

This really is the greatest possible crime against civilisation and is pure cuntery, you take a decent item of brown furniture and sandpaper off the paint and varnish and then slap a coat of weak white emulsion on it. Only a cad and bounder would do such an evil thing .. people who do this should be horse-whipped. Good quality brown furniture is never out of fashion.

Your dining table would look distressed if I visited. I would slam your head  into it at least 20 times, you annoying waste of oxygen. 

[Guest Lady Penelope]

8 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

Your dining table would look distressed if I visited. I would slam your head  into it at least 20 times, you annoying waste of oxygen. 

Your neck would be beneath the chopper before you have the chance you withered old scrote.

[Guest nobgobbler]

I know someone who does this upcycling shite and she makes a few measly quid at it. I can't help thinking it won't be long before some cunt will be stripping back the duck egg blue and one stroke painting in a vain attempt to reclaim the antiques of yesteryear, minus original patination of course as that was sanded off in 2016. Should be a criminal offence to tamper with antiques, apart from punkape's silver spoon which should be embedded in his arse crack.

[Cap'n Cunt]

My mrs has a kind of 1970's patina about her. I was thinking of sanding her down and giving her a coat of badly-applied emulsion, but thanks to the opinions voiced here I've decided to burn her instead. I'm thinking I could replace her with something cheap and Scandinavian, possibly Helga from Ikea.

[Guest Lady Penelope]

7 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I agree wholeheartedly Pen, but this is not an example of decent furniture, it's held together with clout nails and topped with B&Q economy tongue and groove floorboards. I've seen this duck egg blue wash treatment done to an antique Gillows dining table, and the cunt responsible should be nail gunned and claw hammered.

I was at one of these antique "fairs", there was a gentleman who had two rather sturdy looking "Victorian Gentleman's" drawing room desks .. he told me that they were circa 1880 .. I opened the door of the cupboard beneath one of them and stencilled on the back of the door was "B.R. (M). .. "British Railways, London Midland Region 1950s" I said and I wandered off to the other stalls. When I passed by the said desk a few minute a hand written notice on them read "Mid 20th century Midland Railway Desks".

[Guest Lady Penelope]

9 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said:

My mrs has a kind of 1970's patina about her. I was thinking of sanding her down and giving her a coat of badly-applied emulsion, but thanks to the opinions voiced here I've decided to burn her instead. I'm thinking I could replace her with something cheap and Scandinavian, possibly Helga from Ikea.

I do remember Bob Monkhouse on the Golden Shot who kept talking about "The Viking I am liking" .. it was a blonde bint from Denmark that George Best and bought to the uk and fingered and was now a golden shot girl along with  Anne Aston perhaps she is still a goer.

[camberwell gypsy]

3 hours ago, Cap'n Cunt said:

My mrs has a kind of 1970's patina about her. I was thinking of sanding her down and giving her a coat of badly-applied emulsion, but thanks to the opinions voiced here I've decided to burn her instead. I'm thinking I could replace her with something cheap and Scandinavian, possibly Helga from Ikea.

Punkers has a nice tall boy he's finished with.

[Guest Lady Penelope]

1 minute ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Punkers has a nice tall boy he's finished with.

I have also heard that he has got an old coal scuttle that he keeps up his back passage.

[colonelkurtz]