Traffic Wardens

[Wolfie]

There are few people and their jobs in this world which surpass estate agents in the utter fucking wanker stakes, aside from these shits – nowadays euphemistically known (in the UK) as 'Civil Enforcement Officers'.

They're about as 'civil' as my arsehole after a vindaloo. Whether we like it or not, we all judge before we've had the opportunity to speak face-to-face with someone, which is an irreversible human trait. Whenever I meet someone new I take in the little details; the hair, the shoes, the eyes, and within five seconds have decided whether I like them or not. In normal everyday life it doesn't really matter a great deal if nine times out of ten I'm wrong. But with these jobsworths, it becomes irrelevant.  

I believe it takes a special kind of hard, ruthless, black-eyed soulless cunt to work as a traffic warden, essentially stealing money from hardworking everyday people to hit targets or commissions and fund local councils. And I understand why it has to happen.

That's the theory. But in reality, the vast majority of the time, it's bang out of order. Twice this month – both fairly innocuous – I've been ticketed, once for overunning a paid parking spot by a little more than ten minutes, the other a non-dangerous or obstructive double yellow line in which five minutes wasn't allocated to wait for me to return (near a hosptial for this very reason). On this second occasion, a violent mafia hitman who'd done a stint in Broadmoor would be more capable of making a rational decision than the buffoon as idiotic as the 20-something weasel I had a blazing row with.

I absolutely hate them! Only last night, in the pub, I found myself in the middle of a drunken discussion in which everyone on our table – six people – all vehemently agreed that it takes a special kind of heartless shitcunt to work as a traffic warden. And let's be honest. To work as a warden you must have displayed, at some point in your life, an above-average level of staying power, which, as far as I can determine, is the only worthy quality these utter cunts actually possess.

And guess what? In the rare event I am leader of the Free World, all 'CEOs' will be rounded up, interviewed, and if they cannot justify their actions, will be treated in precisely the same manner as the Chinese and Israeli military in the work camps I intend to implement.

Fucking cunts.

[camberwell gypsy]

I fucking hate these cunts with passion but I still hate these warden cunts who prowl shopping centres waiting to pounce on someone who's child has tossed a sweet wrapper out of their buggy, unbeknown to the parent. Me, several years ago in Bromley. My 18 month grandson dropped one out of his buggy. I was accosted by some fucking bald headed gorilla and what I later found out was actually a female warden. Needless to say it got frosty and the filth were called when I challenged the gorilla to a straightener there and then. 

The filth came and when I told them what had happened they gave the gorilla and his swamp donkey colleague a bollocking. 

Officer Dibble was a cunt

[and]

2 hours ago, Wolfie said:

I believe it takes a special kind of hard, ruthless, black-eyed soulless cunt to work as a traffic warden

Parked in the wrong place again, Wiffles?

2 hours ago, Wolfie said:

In the rare event I am leader of the Free World

Nothing 'rare' about it, it's never going to happen, ever.

 

[Penny Farthing]

22 minutes ago, ZEV said:

Parked in the wrong place again, Wiffles?

Nothing 'rare' about it, it's never going to happen, ever.

 

It has already happened .. in his tiny mind.

[Eric Cuntman]

2 hours ago, Wolfie said:

There are few people and their jobs in this world which surpass estate agents in the utter fucking wanker stakes, aside from these shits – nowadays euphemistically known (in the UK) as 'Civil Enforcement Officers'.

They're about as 'civil' as my arsehole after a vindaloo. Whether we like it or not, we all judge before we've had the opportunity to speak face-to-face with someone, which is an irreversible human trait. Whenever I meet someone new I take in the little details; the hair, the shoes, the eyes, and within five seconds have decided whether I like them or not. In normal everyday life it doesn't really matter a great deal if nine times out of ten I'm wrong. But with these jobsworths, it becomes irrelevant.  

I believe it takes a special kind of hard, ruthless, black-eyed soulless cunt to work as a traffic warden, essentially stealing money from hardworking everyday people to hit targets or commissions and fund local councils. And I understand why it has to happen.

That's the theory. But in reality, the vast majority of the time, it's bang out of order. Twice this month – both fairly innocuous – I've been ticketed, once for overunning a paid parking spot by a little over ten minutes, the other a non-dangerous or obstructive double yellow line in which five minutes wasn't allocated to wait for me to return (near a hosptial for that very reason). On this second occasion, a violent mafia hitman who'd done a stint in Broadmoor would be more capable of making a rational decision than the buffoon as idiotic as the 20-something weasel I had a blazing row with.

I absolutely hate them! Only last night, in the pub, I found myself in the middle of a drunken discussion in which everyone on our table – six people – all vehemently agreed that it takes a special kind of heartless shitcunt to work as a traffic warden. And let's be honest. To work as a warden you must have displayed, at some point on your life, an above-average level of staying power, which, as far as I can determine, is the only worthy trait these utter cunts actually possess.

And guess what? In the rare event I am leader of the Free World, all 'CEOs' will be rounded up, interviewed, and if they cannot justify their actions, will be treated in precisely the same manner as the Chinese and Israeli military in the work camps I intend to implement.

Fucking cunts.

Absolutely. Whenever I’m working as an unlicensed bailiff and evicting poor people with violence, it always cheers me up to discover they used to be a traffic warden. Immoral cunts.

[Cuntybaws]

I sometimes think I'd quite like to be a traffic warden but I'd apply my powers very selectively and only target people who actually deserved it. Cunts who park on the pavement, or in disabled spaces, for example. And Muslims, obviously.

Unlike actual traffic wardens I would also hang around to confront everyone I ticketed in the hope of goading them into doing something they'd really regret. They've probably never met a warden with a flick knife before.

[and]

21 hours ago, Penny Farthing said:

It has already happened .. in his tiny mind.

Delusions of grandeur, look what happened to Napoleon, Adolf, and Phillip, they were all found wanting, in the end.

[Eric Cuntman]

21 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

I sometimes think I'd quite like to be a traffic warden but I'd apply my powers very selectively and only target people who actually deserved it. Cunts who park on the pavement, or in disabled spaces, for example. And Muslims, obviously.

Unlike actual traffic wardens I would also hang around to confront everyone I ticketed in the hope of goading them into doing something they'd really regret. They've probably never met a warden with a flick knife before.

I’d like to resurrect the SPG and be in charge. 

[and]

10 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I’d like to resurrect the SPG and be in charge. 

 

[Cuntybaws]

Rik: "Amazulu"

SPG: "Oh, is that right? Ah'm a Glaswegian"