Guest Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 So, I'm back from my cruise with Mrs W and her mother. We took her mother's car down to Southampton because it's a tank of a thing to fit all the luggage. And who gets to drive this fucking lorry? The only bloke in the cortege of course! So we go forth and have our holiday in the sun. Driving home we get stopped on the M27 out of Southampton by one of these new 'number plate recognition' copper cars. We pull into a service station and yours truly ends up with £300 fine and SIX fucking points on my beautifully clean licence because the silly old bint has forgot to put me on her insurance for the fortnight. And of course it's my fault, being the driver at the time, for not ensuring that she has done so. Despite the fine being paid for me, Westcunty is now on a bit of a downer. And they don't accept five piece drum kits either, Jacko, you cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Not something I will ever have to worry about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Not something I will ever have to worry about. You have no idea what you are going to miss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Go on another cruise and chuck the inlaw overboard.Cruises are for cunts anyway, and you have nobody else to blame but yourself.What's up with Bognor Regis?He only went to the Isle of Wight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 I rather liked my mother in law. She was a game old bird and a good laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 I rather liked my mother in law. She was a game old bird and a good laugh.Luckily Bronski doesn't have one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Cos she realised after 30 years I was a cunt - simple It took her that long? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 And the judge said that by me giving her three children I prevented her from having a career honest! She works now though testing sofas at DHS with her fucking huge fat cunting arse wedged on themDelboy, do as your namesake says. Stick a pony in your pocket (a real 15 stone one) then jump in the Thames. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Decimus - what a cunt name, there's something I like about you - FUCK ALL! Are you a fairy? I'd tell you, but then I'd have you propositioning me all night. Queer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Nah I'm fed up not hard up, try londonm You're fed up? Do you want to tell me about it? Or do you want to do the decent thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 Thank fuck my Gorgon cunt of mother in law died decades ago. Right old slag she was. The movie Jaws was based on her. I fucking hated the surly old whore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 24, 2014 Report Share Posted October 24, 2014 I thought your own insurance would cover you to drive other people's cars, with their consent, for third party cover? Check your insurance. I checked this when I got home. Would you believe it; despite a Fully Comprehensive insurance, there is no third party extension included. I've insurance for two motorcycles, my van, I go halves with my wife on her car insurance, I had travel insurance at the time, house fucking insurance, insurance coming out my arse. And I get the same punishment as some bastard who sets out intentionally to break the law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted October 24, 2014 Report Share Posted October 24, 2014 An ex of mines mother turned out to be a better laugh than the cunt I was going out with, and I told her that as well. Funnily enough, the relationship didn't last long, no pleasing some folk. Fucking lesbian! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted October 24, 2014 Report Share Posted October 24, 2014 I checked this when I got home. Would you believe it; despite a Fully Comprehensive insurance, there is no third party extension included. I've insurance for two motorcycles, my van, I go halves with my wife on her car insurance, I had travel insurance at the time, house fucking insurance, insurance coming out my arse. And I get the same punishment as some bastard who sets out intentionally to break the law. Do what everyone else does, fit some Latvian number plates, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted December 14, 2014 Report Share Posted December 14, 2014 Thank fuck my Gorgon cunt of mother in law died decades ago. Right old slag she was. The movie Jaws was based on her. I fucking hated the surly old whore. I am envious. Mine is still fucking rolling about. So is her cunt of a husband. I have two cunts to get rid of of and the smell in the boot is not getting any nicer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 14, 2014 Report Share Posted December 14, 2014 Decimutt was the pilots dog on the Royston Grange. A very exciting trip for one and all. Now he's mine all mine. Bollocks. I'd outrank you even if I was a dog, if we were measuring by IQ, you leek munching,welsh cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 14, 2014 Report Share Posted December 14, 2014 You are my dawg. Substitute measuring for measured in you previous post and you grammar would make sense. Now heal boy. Stop licking your arsehole and go to bed. Good boy decimutt. If you are obsessed with grammar, technically it is heel, not heal. Fucking thick, plebian cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 14, 2014 Report Share Posted December 14, 2014 She better be nice to me. I am the one who is going to pick her nursing home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted December 16, 2014 Report Share Posted December 16, 2014 I had a photo of Jocky Wilson on my phone that came up when my mother-in-law called. All was well until I left my phone on her kitchen table when going to the shops and she rang me to see if I'd pick up a pint of milk. A dangerous practice that is Drew, but funny. I've got a picture of a pig on my phone for my sister, and Mr Gobbler has a picture of a steaming pile of pig shit on his phone for his brother's wife. She rang one day and I forgot myself, I passed him the phone and he gave me a look as if to say "who is it?" I replied out loud "pile of steaming pig shit". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted December 16, 2014 Report Share Posted December 16, 2014 And they don't accept five piece drum kits either, Jacko, you cunt. First time I've seen this thread Westy - can you remember what the fuck this is all about ? I'm guessing some guitar based shit, and you failing to recognise that the drummer is the engine that holds all that shitty guitar screeching together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 16, 2014 Report Share Posted December 16, 2014 First time I've seen this thread Westy - can you remember what the fuck this is all about ? I'm guessing some guitar based shit, and you failing to recognise that the drummer is the engine that holds all that shitty guitar screeching together. Do keep up, Jacko. You told me I could take a drum kit on the cruise ship after I'd said they wouldn't let me take my guitar. I play bass normally, and trying to keep in time with the drummer cunts I've worked with is like trying to wank with your teeth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted December 17, 2014 Report Share Posted December 17, 2014 Do keep up, Jacko. You told me I could take a drum kit on the cruise ship after I'd said they wouldn't let me take my guitar. I play bass normally, and trying to keep in time with the drummer cunts I've worked with is like trying to wank with your teeth. Vaguely remember. Remember some homebrew based doings, and then its all a blank. Must be the drink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 17, 2014 Report Share Posted December 17, 2014 Good evening everyone I am connected to Cunts via me iPhone 6 plus - BT is a washout. I hope you are all keeping well? Have you finished doing your festive shopping? Stop off for a coffee & relax & chill - maybe even indulge in a cheeky 'warm' mince pie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 17, 2014 Report Share Posted December 17, 2014 Good evening everyone I am connected to Cunts via me iPhone 6 plus - BT is a washout. I hope you are all keeping well? Have you finished doing your festive shopping? Stop off for a coffee & relax & chill - maybe even indulge in a cheeky 'warm' mince pie. I am feeling so warm & loved up today, I want to kiss all member of cunts corner on the lips & wish them a happy on year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted December 17, 2014 Report Share Posted December 17, 2014 Hot flush prof? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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