Decimus Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Before i begin this tale of woe, despair and rage, i want to make something clear. No doubt some of you smart arses will say public transport is for cunts, and you'd be right. But keep in mind at all times that my fictional Ferrari is in the garage due to seat damage caused by me fucking Keira Knightley like a steam hammer. So anyway, I turn up at the train station this morning and predictably my train has been cancelled. I've got an hour to kill due to living in the middle of fucking knowhere, so I decide to nip to ASDA for a Bacon sarnie and a pack of b&h gold. Living in a modern society, albeit in Norfolk, I'm under the impression that we live in a 24/7 age, apart from the sky fairies day of rest on Sunday. With that in mind, you can imagine my subsequent surprise when stood at the kiosk, I'm suddenly barked at by a wizened crone that they "don't open til 8". I talk slowly in order for the homonculus to be able to comprehend what I'm saying and ask why. " just cos!". Leaving said animal behind, I proceed to the cafe. Surely, what with serving brekkie, they'll be willing to take my money? No such fucking luck. "Don't open til 8" is grunted at me again by the sea hag inhabiting a vast amount of space behind the counter. When challenged as to why a 24/7 shop cannot summon the business acumen to serve food at a time when commuters are on the way to work, all I get is a vacant, toothless stare and a mumble that they will have to talk to their manager and get back to me, but he isn't in until 8. Thoroughly fucked off I left in a dignified rage and took my business elsewhere, namely to a Bangladeshi corner shop for a bag of Frazzles and a can of lilt. Fuck you ASDA, and all who fucking sail in you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 ASDA is for chavs, the poor, desperate people and cunts. Why would you expect a cunts supermarket to be open when you need them? Oh hang on...of course, silly me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 They are part of Yankee Cuntmart group. What do you expect? Brains and customer service? Courtesy? The staff are now being trained on how to make it to the loo and back under an hour, without soiling themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Yes, yes. Thank you both for stating the fucking obvious. ASDA is a scumbags paradise but unfortunately the nearest fucking waitrose is twenty miles away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Yes, yes. Thank you both for stating the fucking obvious. ASDA is a scumbags paradise but unfortunately the nearest fucking waitrose is twenty miles away. Cigarette, mars bar and a can of coke, breakfast of champions. Any corner shop/kiosk will do. Your lilt and frazzles is a close second to this, so why are you moaning? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Before i begin this tale of woe, despair and rage, i want to make something clear. No doubt some of you smart arses will say public transport is for cunts, and you'd be right. But keep in mind at all times that my fictional Ferrari is in the garage due to seat damage caused by me fucking Keira Knightley like a steam hammer (my thanks to Punkape for lending me one of his more believable fairy tales). So anyway, I turn up at the train station this morning and predictably my train has been cancelled. I've got an hour to kill due to living in the middle of fucking knowhere, so I decide to nip to ASDA for a Mohammed offending Bacon sarnie and a pack of b&h gold. Living in a modern society, albeit in Norfolk, I'm under the impression that we live in a 24/7 age, apart from the sky fairies day of rest on Sunday. So you can imagine my surprise when stood at the kiosk, I'm suddenly barked at by a wizened crone that they "don't open til 8". I talk slowly in order for the no mark cunt to be able to comprehend what I'm saying and ask why. " just cos!". Leaving said cunt behind, I proceed to the cafe. Surely, what with serving brekkie, they'll be willing to take my money? No such fucking luck. "Don't open til 8" is grunted at me again by the sea hag inhabiting a vast amount of space behind the counter. When challenged as to why a 24/7 shop cannot summon the business acumen to serve food at a time when commuters are on the way to work, all I get is a vacant, toothless stare and a mumble that they will have to talk to their manager and get back to me, but he isn't in until 8. Thoroughly fucked off I left in a dignified rage and took my business elsewhere, namely to a Bangladeshi corner shop for a bag of Frazzles and a can of lilt. Fuck you ASDA, and all who fucking sail in you. Allow me to make something clear. If any right minded cunt on here has read past the first paragraph of this fucking drivel...... kill yourself. Moronic fucking student. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dr Pandemic Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 ASDA is a mecca for cunts who want a job Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Allow me to make something clear. If any right minded cunt on here has read past the first paragraph of this fucking drivel...... kill yourself. Moronic fucking student. I was wondering how long it would take you to turn up. You still haven't taken my advice I see? Spouting the same tired old shit as usual. You really do need to make more of an effort you tedious fuckwit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 "RAILWAY" Station, PLEASE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 I was wondering how long it would take you to turn up. You still haven't taken my advice I see? Spouting the same tired old shit as usual. You really do need to make more of an effort you tedious fuckwit. Your student wankered humour sends me into a spin. You've sat your sorry arse down, written another pile of humourless shit, read it back to yourself and posted.... for who's entertainment? Prick. Fuck off to facebook with your lame and lifeless shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dr Pandemic Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Your student wankered humour sends me into a spin. You've sat your sorry arse down, written another pile of humourless shit, read it back to yourself and posted.... for who's entertainment? Prick. Fuck off to facebook with your lame and lifeless shit. Have you had your morning wank over that dvd cover of kojak, the complete collection Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Your student wankered humour sends me into a spin. You've sat your sorry arse down, written another pile of humourless shit, read it back to yourself and posted.... for who's entertainment? Prick. Fuck off to facebook with your lame and lifeless shit. Frank, you how much it turns me on when you manage to string more than a couple of sentences together. You must have tried really hard with this one, bless you. Still pretty shit though, your recycled insults lack any originality whatsoever. Shock horror I posted something that pissed me off on a forum entirely designed to do just that, you thick tosser. Go away and think hard about your reply, because if it was as boring and predictable as your last one I won't waste my time responding. Better yet, just fuck off completely you waste of fucking skin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Frank, you how much it turns me on when you manage to string more than a couple of sentences together. You must have tried really hard with this one, bless you. Still pretty shit though, your recycled insults lack any originality whatsoever. Shock horror I posted something that pissed me off on a forum entirely designed to do just that, you thick tosser. Go away and think hard about your reply, because if it was as boring and predictable as your last one I won't waste my time responding. Better yet, just fuck off completely you waste of fucking skin. hey... bud, don't bite so hard. Thicko Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Sorry to butt in on what has turned into a fisting daisy chain (plus ca change), but I rather liked the impassioned rant of the OP.Apart from the obvious comeback of 'well what do you expect from ASDA - a monument to gormlessness if ever there was one', it' sums up the downtrodden plight of the working man in a body of work approaching Difford and Tilbrook standards. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Fancy letting you in the store before 8 though? Presumably it was so you could peruse the aisles and choose a tasty selection of over processed tat first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Before i begin this tale of woe, despair and rage, i want to make something clear. No doubt some of you smart arses will say public transport is for cunts, and you'd be right. But keep in mind at all times that my fictional Ferrari is in the garage due to seat damage caused by me fucking Keira Knightley like a steam hammer (my thanks to Punkape for lending me one of his more believable fairy tales). So anyway, I turn up at the train station this morning and predictably my train has been cancelled. I've got an hour to kill due to living in the middle of fucking knowhere, so I decide to nip to ASDA for a Mohammed offending Bacon sarnie and a pack of b&h gold. Living in a modern society, albeit in Norfolk, I'm under the impression that we live in a 24/7 age, apart from the sky fairies day of rest on Sunday. So you can imagine my surprise when stood at the kiosk, I'm suddenly barked at by a wizened crone that they "don't open til 8". I talk slowly in order for the no mark cunt to be able to comprehend what I'm saying and ask why. " just cos!". Leaving said cunt behind, I proceed to the cafe. Surely, what with serving brekkie, they'll be willing to take my money? No such fucking luck. "Don't open til 8" is grunted at me again by the sea hag inhabiting a vast amount of space behind the counter. When challenged as to why a 24/7 shop cannot summon the business acumen to serve food at a time when commuters are on the way to work, all I get is a vacant, toothless stare and a mumble that they will have to talk to their manager and get back to me, but he isn't in until 8. Thoroughly fucked off I left in a dignified rage and took my business elsewhere, namely to a Bangladeshi corner shop for a bag of Frazzles and a can of lilt. Fuck you ASDA, and all who fucking sail in you. Excellent ranting deciman, 100% predictable responses from non entities frank and Walter Colobus satanas. If all you've got is insults please make them funny and original. Better still, post something yourselves and get banned. Again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 ASDA is a mecca for cunts who want a job Mecca for cunts without jobs as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 I bought a nice dress and sandals from Asda for a wedding last year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 When you've finished with Keira Knightly can I have a go? I'm sure she'd like some variation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Asda is so last year - Tescosis Cheaper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dr Pandemic Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Asda is so last year - Tescosis Cheaper. Bring back Kwiksave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Asda is so last year - Tescosis Cheaper. I am sure I caught tescosis once, it took a short course of anti-biotics and a little rest to sort it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Bring back KwiksaveI remember them. And Goodfellows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted January 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Sorry to butt in on what has turned into a fisting daisy chain (plus ca change), but I rather liked the impassioned rant of the OP.Apart from the obvious comeback of 'well what do you expect from ASDA - a monument to gormlessness if ever there was one', it' sums up the downtrodden plight of the working man in a body of work approaching Difford and Tilbrook standards. Excellent ranting deciman, 100% predictable responses from non entities frank and Walter Colobus satanas. If all you've got is insults please make them funny and original. Better still, post something yourselves and get banned. Again. Thanks lads. It's nice to know at least some people can grasp the point of the site. Frank is a weasely little cunt with nothing to add to any nom, and rarely makes any of his own. I'd expect more from others, but it just goes to show everyone has a pedantic, critical twat hidden inside them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Thanks lads. It's nice to know at least some people can grasp the point of the site. Frank is a weasely little cunt with nothing to add to any nom, and rarely makes any of his own. I'd expect more from others, but it just goes to show everyone has a pedantic, critical twat hidden inside them. Silly sod Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.