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The Heatwave


Guest MikeD

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Guest deebom

I fucking detest this time of year. Thousands upon thousands of corpulent diabetic Geordies descend upon my home turf, going into hyperglycaemic rages in tacky gift shops after knocking back their fiftieth Pepsi of the day. As soon as the thermometer goes above 15°c they immediately begin a mass group exercise of public indecent exposure, inflicting their gelatinous sub evolved carcasses on unsuspecting locals. The only humane way to deal with the cunts, is to lower the cost of a package holiday to Tunisia and pray to God that they take the fucking bait. Savages.

Don't they bring scantily clad daughters with them though?

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Guest Gong Farmer

Is it only in the UK that when the temperature rises above twenty five celsius it's headline news? Over here on mainland Europe anything over thirty celsius is still just reported to be a bright and sunny day with no chance of rain. None of this fucking train tracks melting and 'suffering' commuters. FFS! get a fucking grip. 

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Don't they bring scantily clad daughters with them though?

I'm not sure, Bombo. The creatures that they try to pass off as their womenfolk have a vaguely human shape I suppose. But the dead look in their eyes along with the overall impression that they have been moulded from a sewer fatberg, leads me to believe that they are quite possibly an entirely new species.

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Guest DingTheRioja

Don't they bring scantily clad daughters with them though?

I'm not sure, Bombo. The creatures that they try to pass off as their womenfolk have a vaguely human shape I suppose. But the dead look in their eyes along with the overall impression that they have been moulded from a sewer fatberg, leads me to believe that they are quite possibly an entirely new species.

Geordie girls are like the Greeks, all 6' tall, lithe and sexy, dolled up to the nines just to get the milk in...

..then once they hit 25 and have shot out a few sprogs they suddenly lose about 2' in height and gain 10 stone...

 

Unfortunately they also have a tendancy to try and wear the same clothes after the metamorphosis as before... think of butterflies in reverse...

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Guest deebom

I'm not sure, Bombo. The creatures that they try to pass off as their womenfolk have a vaguely human shape I suppose. But the dead look in their eyes along with the overall impression that they have been moulded from a sewer fatberg, leads me to believe that they are quite possibly an entirely new species.

It's life Deci, but not as we know it.

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most people spend 48 weeks of the year moaning their tits off about a miserable,gloomy,damp shithole of a country and then still fucking whinge when we finally get some decent fucking sun.Just waiting for the 'veggies' to start on about "killing the rainforests,melting ice caps blah blah blah",rejoice the fucking sun and heat its fucking brilliant,throw another rainforest on the fire I say,tetchy cunts

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I'm not sure, Bombo. The creatures that they try to pass off as their womenfolk have a vaguely human shape I suppose. But the dead look in their eyes along with the overall impression that they have been moulded from a sewer fatberg, leads me to believe that they are quite possibly an entirely new species.

Did you see that programme with that posh twat going down the sewer as well Dec?

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I'm going to see a mate in hospital shortly. He is diabetic and hasn't been looking after himself. He has an infected foot that won't heal. They have put maggots on to eat the dead flesh..... In this weather...  I'll tell him the bloke in the next bed wants to buy his shoes and that he should give up tap dancing.

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Guest Gong Farmer

Think that's bad a friend of mine who lives in Donegal told me over there they think its summer when it only rains three times a day.

I've never been to Ireland when when it hasn't rained. In fact the last time I was in Ireland I ended up cutting the visit short and high tailing it out of there because of the incessant rain. Fucking place, wet, dreary, damp and innately boring.

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