Decimus Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Why is it that some people cannot fucking resist approaching complete strangers and engaing them in inane conversation, whilst continuously touching and eye fucking them?I was a victim of personal space rape today in my local Sainsburys. Whilst innocently browsing through a selection of aubergines, I became aware of a sinister presence encroaching within my two feet exclusion zone. Next thing I know, I'm being enthusiastically pawed at by the wizened claw of a geriatric shelf stacker. It then proceeded to prattle on about the advantages of a five a day diet, all whilst continuing to latch its Werther's clenching paw on my arm. Apparently, the stupid cunt also found it necessary to bellow its drivel at me from a distance of 30 cm's from my face. After it eventually tired of groping me, it swanned off with a whistle and a smile, leaving me feeling dirty and in need of a hosing down. Sadly this individual is one of many who do not appreciate fucking boundaries. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 People that are overly tactile should all be had up on an assault charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 A recent study showed that waitresses/waiters can increase tips considerably using a few tactics. These inlcude getting down to eye level, either by crouching or sitting next to the customer as they order, and also by making slight physical contact, e.g. tapping the customers' shoulders. This study seems to have done the rounds among waiting staff.Now I've told you this, I guarantee you will notice it when you eat out. A trip to a restaurant is now a confusing and frightening affair for people like old Farmer Gong, batting off the advances of overly-keen twats "with haircuts", whose lack of life direction means they have a dire need to improve their minimum wage basic salary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 A recent study showed that waitresses/waiters can increase tips considerably using a few tactics. These inlcude getting down to eye level, either by crouching or sitting next to the customer as they order, and also by making slight physical contact, e.g. tapping the customers' shoulders. This study seems to have done the rounds among waiting staff.Now I've told you this, I guarantee you will notice it when you eat out. A trip to a restaurant is now a confusing and frightening affair for people like old Farmer Gong, batting off the advances of overly-keen twats "with haircuts", whose lack of life direction means they have a dire need to improve their minimum wage basic salary. A few years ago on a visit to the UK...... I was entering a supermarket where standing outside was a little old lady collecting for some animal charity. I proceeded to put a bit of spare shrapnel in her collection box that I had jangling around in pocket. All very well and good until she went to give me a sticker, she handed it to as I opposed to actually sticking it on me. I said to her in jest to stick in on my forehead. her reply was "I'm not allowed to do that as it could be construed to be an assault that can carry a considerable prison sentence." My initial thought was something along the lines of "what the fuck has happened to this country where a little old lady could end up in prison for putting a sticker on someone's lapel?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Gong, do you live in the UK m8? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Gong, do you live in the UK m8?No. I haven't lived in the UK for more than twenty five years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 No. I haven't lived in the UK for more than twenty fives years.Cheers for clearing that up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted July 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Gong, do you live in the UK m8?No. I haven't lived in the UK for more than twenty five years.I live in Norfolk. It's the UK, but like it was 25 years ago. You'd think nothing had changed, Gongers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 I live in Norfolk. It's the UK, but like it was 25 years ago. You'd think nothing had changed, Gongers.A bloke I work with returned from a week in Norfolk yesterday, and had nothing but great things to say, especially regarding beer; which is what caught my attention most as he's a bit of a boring cunt. Nice microbreweries knocking about apparently. I'm rather ashamed to admit that other than very quick flashes of insides of offices and B&Bs, I haven't had a good dig round myself. I intend to change that very shortly, especially now I've got the nipper in tow. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted July 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 A bloke I work with returned from a week in Norfolk yesterday, and had nothing but great things to say, especially regarding beer; which is what caught my attention most as he's a bit of a boring cunt. Nice microbreweries knocking about apparently. I'm rather ashamed to admit that other than very quick flashes of insides of offices and B&Bs, I haven't had a good dig round myself. I intend to change that very shortly, especially now I've got the nipper in tow. Joking aside, its a lovely county. The broads is a fantastic day out when the weather is good and there are plenty of pubs tucked away that you can pull the boat into. Great coast line as well and the majority of towns and villages are laid back and quaint. Don't bother crossing the border to Suffolk though, it's shite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colonelkurtz Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 east anglia is ok ... i reckon all that " six fingers / being your dads uncles aunt / the place being stuck in 1975 " etc.etc is just crafty bollocks put out by the local yonners to deter london twats and twatesses moving there and buying up property Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Shut the cunting fuck up about cunting fucking Norfolk. Get some fucking mountains, then we'll talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted July 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Shut the cunting fuck up about cunting fucking Norfolk. Get some fucking mountains, then we'll talk.I don't overly approve of mountains, they're tres Welsh and one step away from sheep shagging. I'll stick to my cousins, thanks. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 It's already full of cunts, we don't need anymore thanks so the lot of you can fuck off somewhere else,try essex ,most of you cunts will blend in perfectly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 I don't overly approve of mountains, they're tres Welsh and one step away from sheep shagging. I'll stick to my cousins, thanks.If you don't have mountains, deranged German co-pilots will have no choice but to aim for Yarmouth instead. (Actually, I think I just lost this one...) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 No. I haven't lived in the UK for more than twenty five years.Good man. Another one left the sinking ship HMS Great Britain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 I live in Norfolk. It's the UK, but like it was 25 years ago. You'd think nothing had changed, Gongers.Norfolk the place has kept pace with modern society its just the interbred, backward cunts that live there that drag it down the `U` bend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted July 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Norfolk the place has kept pace with modern society its just the interbred, backward cunts that live there that drag it down the `U` bend.And where the fuck do you come from? Besides the cunt of a woman who should be visciously beaten to death for not aborting you in the first trimester? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 If they ever held the first stage of the Tour de France in Norfolk how will the King of the mountains be sorted out? A speed bump? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted July 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 If they ever held the first stage of the Tour de France in Norfolk how will the King of the mountains be sorted out? A speed bump? He would be sorted by being burnt in a wickerman, for the crime of travelling upon a supernatural, metal, two wheeled steed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 And where the fuck do you come from? Besides the cunt of a woman who should be visciously beaten to death for not aborting you in the first trimester?I live in Norfolk too. Judging by your response i would say you have been outted as one of the interbred, backward cunts to which my previous post referred. He would be sorted by being burnt in a wickerman, for the crime of travelling upon a supernatural, metal, two wheeled steed.Competition bikes were made of metal 25 years ago. Nowadays its all carbon fibre. Get with the times you interbred, backward cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted July 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 I Iive in Norfolk too. Judging by your response i would say you have been outted as one of the interbred, backward cunts to which my previous post referred. And judging by your profile, you are a rare example of intellectual excellency within our educationally deprived, shallow gene pool deriven county. Afterall, only the rarest type of genius would be capable of spelling the name of the town that he lived in incorrectly. "Grate" Yarmouth, eh? Stupid fucking pleb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 29, 2015 Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 Sometimes a lovely trip to Stoke, Boro, or perhaps Nottingham or Hull are just what the soul craves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted July 29, 2015 Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 Shut the cunting fuck up about cunting fucking Norfolk. Get some fucking mountains, then we'll talk.mountains are over rated Bawsy. Nothing more than giant shit slides if you believe the 6 o'clock news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted July 29, 2015 Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 A few years ago on a visit to the UK...... I was entering a supermarket where standing outside was a little old lady collecting for some animal charity. I proceeded to put a bit of spare shrapnel in her collection box that I had jangling around in pocket. All very well and good until she went to give me a sticker, she handed it to as I opposed to actually sticking it on me. I said to her in jest to stick in on my forehead. her reply was "I'm not allowed to do that as it could be construed to be an assault that can carry a considerable prison sentence." My initial thought was something along the lines of "what the fuck has happened to this country where a little old lady could end up in prison for putting a sticker on someone's lapel?" in my experience it's always some ugly bloke stinking of stale sweat who lunges in towards the tit area with the stupid sticker. I can't stand these space invaders anywhere near me let alone some stranger touching me. Unless you are Ian Somerhalder or Gary Barlow FUCK OFF. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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