Decimus Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 The title of this nom says it all. I dread fucking weekends spent at home, because I know that this Pillock will inevitably send my cuntometer through the fucking roof. Every Saturday and Sunday morning always begins the same way. I'll be in bed blissfully asleep, when my reverie is disturbed by the forceful slamming of a car door. Without fail, three more slams will follow in succession as he stalks around his shit motor admiring the faux leather interior. Inevitably, he will then get in the car, turn the motor on, and sit there for ten minutes. Every morning I look out the window and pray that today is the day he has fitted a rubber hose pipe to the exhaust, fed it through his window, and is slowly killing himself. Unfortunately, the sefish prick seems to be uncommonly happy with his continuing existence. He keeps this shit up until he catches someone leaving their house, then apologises for the noise and goes straight in with the "Audi speech". Not being fluent in tedious fucking cuntlish, I've never worked out what he's talking about. But my equally personality devoid neighbour assures me its fucking fascinating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 these may help.all major credit cards accepted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 I had a neighbour once who exhibited exactly the same behaviour with a Nissan Navara, the sad cunt. Constantly out polishing it, opening and closing the doors for no reason, and just fucking looking at it, like it wasn't some Japanese piece of shit and plastic.He never did find out who burned "CUNT" in three-foot high letters into his decking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 It's not the make of car,it's the cunt who drives it.Range Rover drivers being a good example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 It's not the make of car,it's the cunt who drives it.Range Rover drivers being a good example.There was a cunt driving a Saab 9-5 in North Wales last week - a cunt who's just returned home to find a fucking speeding ticket waiting for him. What a stupid fucking cunt he most assuredly is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 My sister the cunt drives an audi and glories in the fact. She turned her nose up at my recently acquired golf despite the fact that they're practically the fucking same, the daft cunt. Anyway Dec, you can always key the cunt and watch the idiot spend all day polishing the scratch out! And shit on it as well for good measure.... you can't polish a turd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Audis and VWs and SEATS and Skodas are all the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 The title of this nom says it all. I dread fucking weekends spent at home, because I know that this Pillock will inevitably send my cuntometer through the fucking roof. Every Saturday and Sunday morning always begins the same way. I'll be in bed blissfully asleep, when my reverie is disturbed by the forceful slamming of a car door. Without fail, three more slams will follow in succession as he stalks around his shit motor admiring the faux leather interior. Inevitably, he will then get in the car, turn the motor on, and sit there for ten minutes. Every morning I look out the window and pray that today is the day he has fitted a rubber hose pipe to the exhaust, fed it through his window, and is slowly killing himself. Unfortunately, the sefish prick seems to be uncommonly happy with his continuing existence. He keeps this shit up until he catches someone leaving their house, then apologises for the noise and goes straight in with the "Audi speech". Not being fluent in tedious fucking cuntlish, I've never worked out what he's talking about. But my equally personality devoid neighbour assures me its fucking fascinating. Do what I did and move to a road filled with bungalows and old biddies. The sound of zimmer frames and breaking bones is easy to tolerate and ignore. Mind you, I do have an old cunt nutter next door, constantly excavating the garden, so perhaps my advice needs to be treated with caution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Decs, that neighbour must be an uber fucking cunt. Only such a cunt would accept faux leather. Here are a couple of ideas to tell him he's a cunt AND send the cuntmobile for repairs. First, gather a few brown field mice and when fuckwit is out doting on his car strike up a chat and set the mice free. The little bastards will chew, nest, breed and cause havoc with the electrical systems. Also a few cans of brake fluid poured over the paint will reduce your neighbor to a bawling, hysterical, broken, empty shell of a cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 The title of this nom says it all. I dread fucking weekends spent at home, because I know that this Pillock will inevitably send my cuntometer through the fucking roof. Every Saturday and Sunday morning always begins the same way. I'll be in bed blissfully asleep, when my reverie is disturbed by the forceful slamming of a car door. Without fail, three more slams will follow in succession as he stalks around his shit motor admiring the faux leather interior. Inevitably, he will then get in the car, turn the motor on, and sit there for ten minutes. Every morning I look out the window and pray that today is the day he has fitted a rubber hose pipe to the exhaust, fed it through his window, and is slowly killing himself. Unfortunately, the sefish prick seems to be uncommonly happy with his continuing existence. He keeps this shit up until he catches someone leaving their house, then apologises for the noise and goes straight in with the "Audi speech". Not being fluent in tedious fucking cuntlish, I've never worked out what he's talking about. But my equally personality devoid neighbour assures me its fucking fascinating. Vorsprung dirch shweincunt as the Germans would say! I had a neighbour once who exhibited exactly the same behaviour with a Nissan Navara, the sad cunt. Constantly out polishing it, opening and closing the doors for no reason, and just fucking looking at it, like it wasn't some Japanese piece of shit and plastic.He never did find out who burned "CUNT" in three-foot high letters into his decking.You're obviously a man not to be trifled with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted August 10, 2015 Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 My sister the cunt drives an audi and glories in the fact. She turned her nose up at my recently acquired golf despite the fact that they're practically the fucking same, the daft cunt. Anyway Dec, you can always key the cunt and watch the idiot spend all day polishing the scratch out! And shit on it as well for good measure.... you can't polish a turd. Audis are the same as VWs, except they cost more to buy and depreciate a fuck load more... that'll teach the cunts!!Decs, that neighbour must be an uber fucking cunt. Only such a cunt would accept faux leather. Here are a couple of ideas to tell him he's a cunt AND send the cuntmobile for repairs. First, gather a few brown field mice and when fuckwit is out doting on his car strike up a chat and set the mice free. The little bastards will chew, nest, breed and cause havoc with the electrical systems. Also a few cans of brake fluid poured over the paint will reduce your neighbor to a bawling, hysterical, broken, empty shell of a cunt. Also, can of treacle (or golden syrup) and road chippings..."honest Officer, I slipped with my shopping and this lorry came by and sprayed the entire bonnet and roof (rather nice and evenly) with chippings from the road works"..I know it works... A mate of mine did it to some cunt who owed him money.. he had to do a full respray of a 5 series... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted August 10, 2015 Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 as if its not enough, some of them also insist on personalized number plates to reinforce the fact that they are uber cunts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted August 10, 2015 Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 Audis are the same as VWs, except they cost more to buy and depreciate a fuck load more... that'll teach the cunts!!Also, can of treacle (or golden syrup) and road chippings..."honest Officer, I slipped with my shopping and this lorry came by and sprayed the entire bonnet and roof (rather nice and evenly) with chippings from the road works"..I know it works... A mate of mine did it to some cunt who owed him money.. he had to do a full respray of a 5 series... One might use a key to scrawl "final warning, stop selling your drugs in this neighbourhood" into the metal and shove a dagger into the walls of his tyres. With the drug remark, his insurance provider won't be fast to dole out a check. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted August 11, 2015 Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 The only Audi worth owning is the RS6 Avant, but with it's chocolate gearbox it's a bit of an unwise buy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted August 12, 2015 Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Decimus has gone silent recently. I reckon old Deci took this cunt on in a fist fight, and got battered. What a cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted August 12, 2015 Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 AUDI's are shitboxes. I had an AUDI A4 years ago, it literually fell apart bang on cue after 170.000 kms. A door handle fell off, the radio gave up the ghost, the airco system went down, the boot lid wouldn't stay open, two front wheels bearings needed replacing, the power steering system started to leak.... I could go on. I'd part exchanged it for a perfectly good BMW 'E36' 320 with 230.000 kms on the clock and have metaphorically kicked myself in the nuts ever since. Own and AUDI? Then you must be a cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted August 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Decimus has gone silent recently. I reckon old Deci took this cunt on in a fist fight, and got battered. What a cunt.I've been held captive for the past week by neo-zionist-bourgeois-black-nationalist-islamic-homosexuals. Manila secured my release by sending them endless Daily Mail cut outs. The monologues of Quentin Letts showed them the error of their ways and taught them to know their place in the world. Now they're all bleached skinned low paid and obedient service sector workers in Pret a Manger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted August 12, 2015 Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Decs, that neighbour must be an uber fucking cunt. Only such a cunt would accept faux leather. Here are a couple of ideas to tell him he's a cunt AND send the cuntmobile for repairs. First, gather a few brown field mice and when fuckwit is out doting on his car strike up a chat and set the mice free. The little bastards will chew, nest, breed and cause havoc with the electrical systems. Also a few cans of brake fluid poured over the paint will reduce your neighbor to a bawling, hysterical, broken, empty shell of a cunt. I'm no expert, but I'm not entirely sure that's legal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted August 12, 2015 Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 I'm no expert, but I'm not entirely sure that's legal?As with any new endeavor risk goes hand in hand with reward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted August 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 I don't seek attention - attention seeks me I hope a fatal road accident seeks you out with similar gusto, you absolute fucking cunt. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted August 12, 2015 Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Nooo, they speed more than any other car owner Not all of them,chavvy cunts tend to speed more than others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted August 12, 2015 Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 I hope a fatal road accident seeks you out with similar gusto, you absolute fucking cunt.he is a cunt....I have no idea what the fuck he is on about and why does he/she refer to himself in the third person. yes most assured he is a twat and should be smited with something heavy and blunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted August 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 he is a cunt....I have no idea what the fuck he is on about and why does he/she refer to himself in the third person. yes most assured he is a twat and should be smited with something heavy and blunt. Don't worry Luke, no one can work out what the fuck it's talking about. We have had world renowned lingual experts analyse the fucking drivel the cuntwipe posts on a regular basis, and not one of them has deciphered what it's trying to convey. However, about two months ago, I got cunted on a potent cocktail of meths, LSD, crack and haribo starmix. In my altered state, I perused the corner and came across an ancient ProfB tome on an old thread. What I read was profound, wise and life changing. Sadly, when I sobered up I instantly forgot what I had read, and I've never been able to replicate how out of my head I was that night. So unfortunately, it's rambling bollocks remains completely indecipherable. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted August 12, 2015 Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 ProfB drives an Audi Quattro A3 sportback - I am soo cool - I even use the gear paddles (sometimes)? What’s not to like?I don't seek attention - attention seeks me the thunder of chirping crickets at this post is deafening Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted August 12, 2015 Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 MS PROFB Do you shave your minge? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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