Guest Wizardsleeve Posted September 25, 2015 Report Share Posted September 25, 2015 These bastards are a special kind of cuntbreed. Every day or two, they can be seen in their garden, with a metal ruler making sure the height of their grass does not exceed 41/2 inches, and that the tracks from the last mowing are still crisp and easily seen. They typically have a normal size garden, but own a commercial riding mower with zero turn radius capability, and multi speed transmission, an air ride seat with premium sound and enclosed cabin attachment option. When the grass exceeds it height limit, the cunt is suited up in F1 racing suit, and take an hour to cut with the monstrosity machine what would take a normal average cunt 20 minutes with a push mower. They manicure and groom the paver foot paths with professional sheers and said rules, and not a blade is out of place. These obsessive cunts should be strapped to a tree and faced with several high fragmentation devices that shred human flesh with the ease of a hot knife through soft butter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted September 25, 2015 Report Share Posted September 25, 2015 How do you know when someone has a ride on mower?Don't worry, the cunt will tell you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted September 25, 2015 Report Share Posted September 25, 2015 I deal with a bloke who spent the whole of spring bank holiday this year surgically removing each and every daisy from his lawn, cutting out every stem roots and all, by hand, using something that sounds like a cross between an apple corer and a miniature trowel.With someone that obsessive / compulsive, you can do nothing but laugh straight in their stupid face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 These bastards are a special kind of cuntbreed. Every day or two, they can be seen in their garden, with a metal ruler making sure the height of their grass does not exceed 41/2 inches, and that the tracks from the last mowing are still crisp and easily seen. 4 and 1/2 inches? The only gardens i have seen with that length of grass tend to be full of bits of old cars and bikes. I think you meant 4 and 1/2 mill. You were probably confused because you were playing with your stiff little winkle at the time. An easy mistake to make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 4 and 1/2 inches? The only gardens i have seen with that length of grass tend to be full of bits of old cars and bikes. I think you meant 4 and 1/2 mill. You were probably confused because you were playing with your stiff little winkle at the time. An easy mistake to make.Hilarious. Just how do you consistently come up with such comedy gold? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Hilarious. Just how do you consistently come up with such comedy gold?He's actually a time traveller from 1964. It'd explain his woefully inept grasp of technology, his appalling innuendo laden, carryonesque sense of humour, and his belief that a Doner Kebab is exotic haute cuisine. It also explains his deeply repressed homosexuality, as buggery would have earnt him a spell in the big house in his era. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 4 and 1/2 inches? The only gardens i have seen with that length of grass tend to be full of bits of old cars and bikes. I think you meant 4 and 1/2 mill. You were probably confused because you were playing with your stiff little winkle at the time. An easy mistake to make.you and your imagination, shame its always busy with winkles... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 4 and 1/2 inches? The only gardens i have seen with that length of grass tend to be full of bits of old cars and bikes. I think you meant 4 and 1/2 mill. You were probably confused because you were playing with your stiff little winkle at the time. An easy mistake to make.Is this why brony kept asking you to suck his dick? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Is this why brony kept asking you to suck his dick?Keith asked everyone to suck his dick. It was a kind of scattergun approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Keith asked everyone to suck his dick. It was a kind of scattergun approach. I thought we had something special... what a slimy cunt! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 I can get a bit obsessive about my grass. Particularly when I've rolled the last one and need to get some more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 I have to disagree with the nomination. Perhaps it makes under normal circumstances, but it does not apply to mine.Living next to a fucking excavator, who totally destroyed the garden, the house and even the pavement; with a pile of shit, hoarded garbage, rats living in rolls of underlay stretching across the fuckwit's-made sinkholes, a rotten selection of "cars" etc. etc. I can't quite agree.I would welcome your obsessive tractor fucking rider with open arms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 4 and 1/2 inches? The only gardens i have seen with that length of grass tend to be full of bits of old cars and bikes. I think you meant 4 and 1/2 mill. You were probably confused because you were playing with your stiff little winkle at the time. An easy mistake to make.You're an expert on small willies then, judge. I meant the 4.5", because the cunt brays on and on about it, much like you when Stavros has put too much white sauce on your thrice weekly aorta clogging kebab. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Someone genuinely asked my father how to sort out an issue with his lawn... when my dad asked him what the issue was, since the lawn was a perfect billiard table looking specimen, it turned out he didn't like the wormcasts spoiling the look....Have I raised the bar..?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Keith asked everyone to suck his dick. It was a kind of scattergun approach. He never asked me but I guess I bat for the ladies team. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Someone genuinely asked my father how to sort out an issue with his lawn... when my dad asked him what the issue was, since the lawn was a perfect billiard table looking specimen, it turned out he didn't like the wormcasts spoiling the look....Have I raised the bar..??Sadly not. While visiting friends living in Ipswich, I've witnessed a much stranger behaviour with extra accessories. A guy next door had empty cans loosely supported by sticks in the ground, jingling in the wind. Apparently to keep moles away. The nutter would also come out and shout/grunt/whistle every fucking time a cat dared to cross his lawn. Really fucking out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 Sadly not. While visiting friends living in Ipswich, I've witnessed a much stranger behaviour with extra accessories. A guy next door had empty cans loosely supported by sticks in the ground, jingling in the wind. Apparently to keep moles away. The nutter would also come out and shout/grunt/whistle every fucking time a cat dared to cross his lawn. Really fucking out there.I do that.. ..but thats because I hate cats, the cunts shit everywhere and it fucking stinks... I nicked a tennisball from the club down the road purely for ammunition against these little bastards... the owners are apparently "not responsible" legally for cats... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 I don't have a garden which is ok as I fucking hate gardening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 wormcastsRacist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 I do that.. ..but thats because I hate cats, the cunts shit everywhere and it fucking stinks... I nicked a tennisball from the club down the road purely for ammunition against these little bastards... the owners are apparently "not responsible" legally for cats...I can recommend a good psychiatrist... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted September 28, 2015 Report Share Posted September 28, 2015 I can recommend a good psychiatrist...I have one already, he's called BSA Airsporter, he also has as his assistant Ms Ox Spring.. they do for me nicely thank you very much... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted September 29, 2015 Report Share Posted September 29, 2015 There's nothing like hopping over the garden fence to pour parafin over the neighbour's lawn in the dead of night. Also leave a bit over for his fish pond water feature. Fucking water features trickling all fucking night keeping me awake, fucking selfish cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted September 29, 2015 Report Share Posted September 29, 2015 Your neighbours must be Dutch, Gongs. That's a good enough reason in itself to fuck their lawn up. It'll stop them smoking it at the very least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted September 30, 2015 Report Share Posted September 30, 2015 Your neighbours must be Dutch, Gongs. That's a good enough reason in itself to fuck their lawn up. It'll stop them smoking it at the very least.If only the neighbours did grow a smokeable breed of grass, it would have some intrinsic value worth the effort of meticulous upkeep. I could forgive that. But the cunts that go out with precision sewing sheers to manicure the lawn so each side of the footpath is to exacting height, is pure cuntitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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