Guest DingTheRioja Posted February 19, 2016 Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 1 hour ago, Bubbles said: Fucking dopey as fuck boring cunt You're the kind of person who at work complains about the coffee machine..."fucking bosses, thick cunts cant get a fucking right coffee machine"... you complain about work being too hot and too cold at the same time... You complain that you do everyone elses' work, but don't get the pay for it... You are the type that when Mr Smith, the boss, walks past you tug your forelock, "Yes Mr Smith, lovely day Mr Smith, this new coffee machine is ace Mr Smith".. then when he's out of earshot, you push your shoulders back, puff your chest out, "I told that facking wanker didn't I, I showed him, the facking cahnt"... You are the person who doesn't turn up on Tuesday, no-one really notices, on Wednesday people for some reason feel a little bit happier... Tracey, in Personel, is reading the local papers and notices that someone was run over by a bus on the busy high street, the Police report that despite 4,000 people on the streets, there was not one witness to the "accident"... Tracey smiles a little more, throws the paper in the bin, files her nails, and starts filling out a P60 to send to the next of kin. The company relaxes, just a little bit more.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted February 19, 2016 Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 25 minutes ago, DingTheRioja said: You're the kind of person who at work complains about the coffee machine..."fucking bosses, thick cunts cant get a fucking right coffee machine"... you complain about work being too hot and too cold at the same time... You complain that you do everyone elses' work, but don't get the pay for it... You are the type that when Mr Smith, the boss, walks past you tug your forelock, "Yes Mr Smith, lovely day Mr Smith, this new coffee machine is ace Mr Smith".. then when he's out of earshot, you push your shoulders back, puff your chest out, "I told that facking wanker didn't I, I showed him, the facking cahnt"... You are the person who doesn't turn up on Tuesday, no-one really notices, on Wednesday people for some reason feel a little bit happier... Tracey, in Personel, is reading the local papers and notices that someone was run over by a bus on the busy high street, the Police report that despite 4,000 people on the streets, there was not one witness to the "accident"... Tracey smiles a little more, throws the paper in the bin, files her nails, and starts filling out a P60 to send to the next of kin. The company relaxes, just a little bit more.... I'm going to file this under 'can't be arsed to read in full', or to keep things more succinct (unlike you, you boring cunt), 'Ding posts', and get on with my day. Be sure to keep me abreast of your pathetic nonsensical whinings via a post in your usual sub-standard parlance in your next Union approved factory break. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted February 19, 2016 Report Share Posted February 19, 2016 I guess I hit bullseye there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 You can add to this nom cunts who sit in their car on the drive with the engine running. My gobshite of a neighbour has been doing just that for the past ten minutes, gormlessly fumbling about the dashboard with his fat fucking fingers and endlessly adjusting his mirror. Wherever he's going, I hope he has a horrific car crash. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 7 minutes ago, Decimus said: You can add to this nom cunts who sit in their car on the drive with the engine running. My gobshite of a neighbour has been doing just that for the past ten minutes, gormlessly fumbling about the dashboard with his fat fucking fingers and endlessly adjusting his mirror. Wherever he's going, I hope he has a horrific car crash. I've never experienced the phenomenon of drive-sitting cunts, but I regularly encounter cunts at petrol stations who, after paying for their fuel return to their car, sit there, staring at the controls like it's a fucking spaceship, with no idea how to start and the fucking thing. Many a time has my road-rage red mist descended on these cunts. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 9 minutes ago, Decimus said: You can add to this nom cunts who sit in their car on the drive with the engine running. My gobshite of a neighbour has been doing just that for the past ten minutes, gormlessly fumbling about the dashboard with his fat fucking fingers and endlessly adjusting his mirror. Wherever he's going, I hope he has a horrific car crash. We've got one of those too. A mid-life crisis, weekend-biker with pink pixie boots, you know the sort. He takes the bike out of the garage and sits on it in his drive revving it like a fucking four year old for half an hour, then puts it back in the fucking garage. He doesn't even go anywhere - he must know that he looks like a gormless fucking twat who lacks the skill to keep his arse off the asphalt. If it wasn't for the fact that his wife has a cracking rack and can occasionally be observed through their front windows in a state of undress I'd have burned the cunts out by now, Philpott-stylee. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 On 19/02/2016 at 0:02 PM, DingTheRioja said: You're the kind of person who at work complains about the coffee machine..."fucking bosses, thick cunts cant get a fucking right coffee machine"... you complain about work being too hot and too cold at the same time... You complain that you do everyone elses' work, but don't get the pay for it... You are the type that when Mr Smith, the boss, walks past you tug your forelock, "Yes Mr Smith, lovely day Mr Smith, this new coffee machine is ace Mr Smith".. then when he's out of earshot, you push your shoulders back, puff your chest out, "I told that facking wanker didn't I, I showed him, the facking cahnt"... You are the person who doesn't turn up on Tuesday, no-one really notices, on Wednesday people for some reason feel a little bit happier... Tracey, in Personel, is reading the local papers and notices that someone was run over by a bus on the busy high street, the Police report that despite 4,000 people on the streets, there was not one witness to the "accident"... Tracey smiles a little more, throws the paper in the bin, files her nails, and starts filling out a P60 to send to the next of kin. The company relaxes, just a little bit more.... This sounds like a Morrisey song Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 5 minutes ago, Bubbles said: I've never experienced the phenomenon of drive-sitting cunts, but I regularly encounter cunts at petrol stations who, after paying for their fuel return to their car, sit there, staring at the controls like it's a fucking spaceship, with no idea how to start and the fucking thing. Many a time has my road-rage red mist descended on these cunts. Worthy of a nomination in itself this. Especially at small countryside petrol stations with only a handful of pumps, and no way to exit until they move their useless fucking arse out the way. One day I hope they try putting the fuel in with the engine still running. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 5 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: We've got one of those too. A mid-life crisis, weekend-biker with pink pixie boots, you know the sort. He takes the bike out of the garage and sits on it in his drive revving it like a fucking four year old for half an hour, then puts it back in the fucking garage. He doesn't even go anywhere Is this really true? I've never heard something quite so tragic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 4 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: We've got one of those too. A mid-life crisis, weekend-biker with pink pixie boots, you know the sort. He takes the bike out of the garage and sits on it in his drive revving it like a fucking four year old for half an hour, then puts it back in the fucking garage. He doesn't even go anywhere - he must know that he looks like a gormless fucking twat who lacks the skill to keep his arse off the asphalt. If it wasn't for the fact that his wife has a cracking rack and can occasionally be observed through their front windows in a state of undress I'd have burned the cunts out by now, Philpott-stylee. Out of likes, but this is bang on! The cunt opposite me, (of A-Team van parking like a cunt fame) does exactly that, except he includes his fucking remedial Neanderthal son in this pathetic activity. That fucking cunt is about 40 and still lives at home with mummy and daddy, which doubles, if not triples his levels of cuntness. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 2 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: Worthy of a nomination in itself this. Especially at small countryside petrol stations with only a handful of pumps, and no way to exit until they move their useless fucking arse out the way. One day I hope they try putting the fuel in with the engine still running. In their chops would be the best place, followed by a Bruce Willis 'yippe kayaye' shout as I toss a lit zippo in the their general direction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 1 minute ago, Bill Stickers said: Is this really true? I've never heard something quite so tragic. Would I lie to a bunch of complete strangers on a website? All too true, I'm afraid. Sunday mornings are his favourite, when Mrs Baws is still sleeping off her Saturday night cocktail of gin and semen. She has been known to call him an actual cunt on several occasions, and that's really not one of her favourite words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 24 minutes ago, Decimus said: You can add to this nom cunts who sit in their car on the drive with the engine running. My gobshite of a neighbour has been doing just that for the past ten minutes, gormlessly fumbling about the dashboard with his fat fucking fingers and endlessly adjusting his mirror. Wherever he's going, I hope he has a horrific car crash. I bet he walks round his car polishing bits with his fingers and kicking the tyres. Why do they kick tyres? Wankers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 8 minutes ago, Bubbles said: Out of likes... Slight tangent, sorry, but I ran out of "likes" yesterday too, for the first time in forever. Perhaps the quality levels are finally beginning to creep up on here? Or maybe I was just pissed. I did find out that you can circumvent this by taking back a like you've already awarded (sorry, Proper) and giving it to someone else. I don't know if the original recipient is notified that you've done this, or whether there's a limit on how long you can do it for, but if Jacko ever finds out about this then Decs is all set to crack the million mark. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 What about cunts who pump their tyres up at petrol stations, and then instead of moving the car so I can use it, fuck off into the shop for 10 minutes. Bastards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 3 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: Slight tangent, sorry, but I ran out of "likes" yesterday too, for the first time in forever. Perhaps the quality levels are finally beginning to creep up on here? Or maybe I was just pissed. I did find out that you can circumvent this by taking back a like you've already awarded (sorry, Proper) and giving it to someone else. I don't know if the original recipient is notified that you've done this, or whether there's a limit on how long you can do it for, but if Jacko ever finds out about this then Decs is all set to crack the million mark. Bawsey, that was the most fucking boring thing I'e ever read. For your sake, I hope you've got alcohol poisoning from last night, otherwise I'm worried there's no fucking hope for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 W Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Just now, Snatch said: W W stands for water on the brain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 4 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: What about cunts who pump their tyres up at petrol stations, and then instead of moving the car so I can use it, fuck off into the shop for 10 minutes. Bastards Worse are the cunts that do their shopping in petrol stations instead of going to the supermarket. Petrol stations are for petrol,diesel etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 1 minute ago, Bill Stickers said: Bawsey, that was the most fucking boring thing I'e ever read. For your sake, I hope you've got alcohol poisoning from last night, otherwise I'm worried there's no fucking hope for you. Out of "likes", Bill, sorry. Yes, alcohol recovery is still in progress, but the shameful evidence of my contributions to the Orbital Mechanics thread while still in my cups last night is already burned into the internet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 1 minute ago, Bill Stickers said: W stands for water on the brain. Also stands for Windows Wankers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 10 minutes ago, Snatch said: Worse are the cunts that do their shopping in petrol stations instead of going to the supermarket. Petrol stations are for petrol,diesel etc. Who the fuck does their shopping in a petrol station? Don't they just sell chewing gum, jazz mags and microwave pies? Ding, can you confirm this please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 54 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: This sounds like a Morrisey song Cheeky fucking COW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 36 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: What about cunts who pump their tyres up at petrol stations, and then instead of moving the car so I can use it, fuck off into the shop for 10 minutes. Bastards Nevermind luv... you can top up your lippy in the mirror while your waiting.... (you can add that to the nom as well.... doing, sorry, re-doing, full fucking warpaint in traffic in that tiny mirror is not the best idea in the world...) 18 minutes ago, Bubbles said: Who the fuck does their shopping in a petrol station? Don't they just sell chewing gum, jazz mags and microwave pies? Ding, can you confirm this please? I've only ever bought deisel from a garage for probably the last 12 years, before that, I happened to buy some petrol since I had one of each back then... The garage near me has a mini-market inside, they stopped fixing cars years ago, I never knew you could pay over £1 for a normal Mars Bar, or £2.20 for shitty maxwell house machine coffee... they also do hotdogs... some fat fuck in tranny van bought 2 "coffees", a hotdog, some crisp and a mars bar... cost him nearly a tenner......no fuel... Not seen any pies, only Ginsters and they don't count as fit for human consumption..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 53 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: Slight tangent, sorry, but I ran out of "likes" yesterday too, for the first time in forever. Perhaps the quality levels are finally beginning to creep up on here? Or maybe I was just pissed. I did find out that you can circumvent this by taking back a like you've already awarded (sorry, Proper) and giving it to someone else. I don't know if the original recipient is notified that you've done this, or whether there's a limit on how long you can do it for, but if Jacko ever finds out about this then Decs is all set to crack the million mark. I remember the days when we could like our own posts. Which would explain how Jazz ever got past single figures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 9 minutes ago, Decimus said: I remember the days when we could like our own posts. Which would explain how Jazz ever got past single figures. Do you think we could ever convince Jazz to come back? I do miss him sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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