Expats who comment on news stories from back 'ome.

[Guest Mr Cunty Fuckwank]

Keeping it short and sweet, all sweaties are cunts.

[Guest Tata Steely Dan]

19 hours ago, ThunderCunt said:

Welcome Danny boy..hope you're going to be a right fucking cuntheaded cuntbrained cuntbreed..if not then do fuck off. but yeah those haggis bashing jock cunts know how to piss up the wrong trees..William Wallace can fuck himself.

William Wallace was Australian. We've all seen the film up here, as a free copy was sent to every school and hospital back when it came out. If William Wallace was around today he would be living out in Sydney, fitting satellite dishes or some shite like that, and reminding folk back home that the sun shines more in Sydney than fucking Bannockburn. Hippie cunt.

 

 

19 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

At least I'm not a ginger fucking cunt, though, that's got to count for something? 

Or a Hibs fan, like the Rev. 

You're not a Celtic fan I hope Steely? That would be most unfortunate. 

 

In a word, naw. As this forum has taught me in my years, months, weeks of lurking, football is the occupation solely of the iron hoof.

Besides I'm from the other, more civilised, coast of Scotland; home of hoors, poofs and junkies. Credit where it is beyond hesitatingly due, The Cellik is probably Scotland's least shite football club, which is about the same as being the most skilled window-licker. Embra has two football teams, but only pondlife and gum-chewing, Pringle Sweater-wearing small-time freemasons bother to support these dreadful teams. The sort of folk that consider corporate hospitality at Tynecastle to be somewhat ritzy. 

Either way, fuck football. Fuck all those twiglet-armed cretin players, with their Hitler Youth haircuts, dreadful tattoos, mankles, man-buns, Cheeky Nandos, Instagram selfies, platinum-white 4X4s and poofy little earrings. Somehow this bad lad's sport is played by the most effete, theatrical, poofy little runts going.

[Cuntybaws]

2 hours ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

Besides I'm from the other, more civilised, coast of Scotland; home of hoors, poofs and junkies.

You're talking to a man with an extensive collection of Trainspotting avatars, which I bring out on occasion when some cunt needs glassed.

Out of interest, if you're an East coast black tar heroin addict then what's with the Tata Steel reference? Those curry munching turncoats are/were based out West, in Cambuslang and Motherwell.

[Guest Tata Steely Dan]

6 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Out of interest, if you're an East coast black tar heroin addict then what's with the Tata Steel reference?

As Eric Cantona once eloquently explained it:  "When seagulls follow the trawler it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea".

[camberwell gypsy]

1 minute ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

As Eric Cantona once eloquently explained it:  "When seagulls follow the trawler it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea".

This Eric Cantona; bit of a cunt was he?

[Guest Tata Steely Dan]

Just now, camberwell gypsy said:

This Eric Cantona; bit of a cunt was he?

He was alright in Cream, but everything after Derek and the Dominoes leaves me cold. 

 

Ginger Baker was a cunt.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

13 hours ago, Bubba C said:

Yacht. 

As you were. 

It's better than fucking "potato". Did YOU know that inside a baked potato is really only mash? Where is that cunt stickers?

[Bubba C]

34 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

It's better than fucking "potato". Did YOU know that inside a baked potato is really only mash? Where is that cunt stickers?

Every day's a school day. I thought it was only mash after cooking? 

Before that it's just, um, boiled, right? 

The beast fucked him off. I think he thinks he owns the place. The beast that is, stickers owns fuck all. 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

7 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

It's better than fucking "potato". Did YOU know that inside a baked potato is really only mash? Where is that cunt stickers?

Potato will be recognised for its genius and genuine contribution in years to come, possibly after my lifetime. If I wasn't a staunch republican I feel a posthumous knighthood fairly likely.

[Guest Bill Stickers]

On 27 July 2016 at 10:37 PM, Tata Steely Dan said:

Being a venerable porridge muncher, I sometimes read 'The Scotsman' online. Perhaps this is my first mistake. Recently it has been hot in Scotland. Sure as the sunrise, every article about the hot weather seems to have drawn out the same people from under their collective rocks. Expats. Any time the temperature in Arbroath (avoid) or Auchtermuchty (avoid) sidles into the upper 20s, Janis McPherson from Woogawagga (only ten hours of rugged desert driving from Canberra) has to chime in: "Its been that warm here for the last six weeks".

Nobody gives a fuck. The thing about local news is that it only relates to a certain geographical area. When it gets down to minus fifteen here then that is news! The fact that you routinely have to urinate on your jeep's tires to get the car rolling in the morning, because you moved to some shithole in Alberta, has nothing to do with the news. Yet every fucking time a weather-related story is posted some grotesque, saggy ex-pat woman has to make the same dull, pointless comments. I can only assume that the last vestige of home-sickness somehow took root, so these people maintain a perverse interest in the affairs of a country you fecked off from decades previously. You still feel a pang for a country you haven't paid any taxes in since the Thatcher years. Cretins.

Either that or cleaning poisonous spiders out the gutters of an old folks' home in Adelaide is no better that scrubbing urinals in Homebase in Greenock. 

"You think that's hot, here in Alice Springs it's hotter than that at night. My husband got a puncture out by the radar station and nearly died of heatstroke, lol".

Kill yourself. 

A great nom. This kind of cuntish behaviour also extends to real life. When travelling in Australia a few years ago, the amount of time I was cornered by some pissed northern English expat cunt in a bar who would whittle on about how much he hated Blighty, only to then ask if I had any English newspapers or if Manchester city centre still looked the same as it did in 1987.

Tragic, self deceiving cunts.

[Decimus]

4 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said:

or if Manchester city centre still looked the same as it did in 1987

As @Manky will tell you, it was extensively redecorated and improved in 1996.

[Guest Manky]

7 minutes ago, Decimus said:

As @Manky will tell you, it was extensively redecorated and improved in 1996.

You are not fucking kidding. Only down side is lots of good pubs gone but that isn't down to the bomb. Any expat cunt annoying any other cunt abroad won't be me. I have my hands full annoying people here.

[Guest Bill Stickers]

@witheredscrote, your thoughts on being a self loathing expat please.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

9 hours ago, Bubba C said:

Every day's a school day. I thought it was only mash after cooking? 

Before that it's just, um, boiled, right? 

The beast fucked him off. I think he thinks he owns the place. The beast that is, stickers owns fuck all. 

You'll have to ask stickers himself on these niche matters, he is something of a tuber consultant now, you should make an appointment and he can come over, survey your potato, and provide a statement of condition, recommended remedial actions, and a valuation for insurance reinstatement purposes, should something out of your hands notwithstanding and act of God happen to your potato. Sticking my neck out, I always thought a potato first had to be cooked - by any means the owner deigned appropriate, but the key element for it to become "mash" , was the mashing act itself.

stickers, I'm out of my depth here and in danger of making a Cunt of myself - could you step in and set us right?

 

 

[Bubba C]

33 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

You'll have to ask stickers himself on these niche matters, he is something of a tuber consultant now, you should make an appointment and he can come over, survey your potato, and provide a statement of condition, recommended remedial actions, and a valuation for insurance reinstatement purposes, should something out of your hands notwithstanding and act of God happen to your potato. Sticking my neck out, I always thought a potato first had to be cooked - by any means the owner deigned appropriate, but the key element for it to become "mash" , was the mashing act itself.

stickers, I'm out of my depth here and in danger of making a Cunt of myself - could you step in and set us right?

 

 

You lost me at "potato". 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

1 hour ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

You'll have to ask stickers himself on these niche matters, he is something of a tuber consultant now, you should make an appointment and he can come over, survey your potato, and provide a statement of condition, recommended remedial actions, and a valuation for insurance reinstatement purposes, should something out of your hands notwithstanding and act of God happen to your potato. Sticking my neck out, I always thought a potato first had to be cooked - by any means the owner deigned appropriate, but the key element for it to become "mash" , was the mashing act itself.

stickers, I'm out of my depth here and in danger of making a Cunt of myself - could you step in and set us right?

My advice is don't chew potatoes. Choke on them instead.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

2 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

You'll have to ask stickers himself on these niche matters, he is something of a tuber consultant now, you should make an appointment and he can come over, survey your potato, and provide a statement of condition, recommended remedial actions, and a valuation for insurance reinstatement purposes, should something out of your hands notwithstanding and act of God happen to your potato. Sticking my neck out, I always thought a potato first had to be cooked - by any means the owner deigned appropriate, but the key element for it to become "mash" , was the mashing act itself.

stickers, I'm out of my depth here and in danger of making a Cunt of myself - could you step in and set us right?

 

 

1 hour ago, Bubba C said:

You lost me at "potato". 

You lost me at "ask stickers".

 

[Bubba C]

29 minutes ago, DingTheRioja said:

You lost me at "ask stickers".

 

Shit up ding, this doesn't concern you. 

[Guest Snatch]

Tata,you keep going on about Australia. I reckon you have been declined admission at some point in the past. Send a pm to Apple,he'll be interested to hear about Australia.

The rest of us don't give a fuck.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

6 hours ago, DingTheRioja said:

You lost me at "ask stickers".

 

Silence, you shambles.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

6 hours ago, Bubba C said:

Shit up ding, this doesn't concern you. 

Nothing on earth concerns you, but you still butt your nose in, now fuck off back up Decs' arse.

7 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

Silence, you shambles.

Shambles? It's a bit touristy down there, especially now the kiddiewinks have broken up.

 

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

1 hour ago, DingTheRioja said:

Nothing on earth concerns you, but you still butt your nose in, now fuck off back up Decs' arse.

Shambles? It's a bit touristy down there, especially now the kiddiewinks have broken up.

 

What

[Guest DingTheRioja]

18 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

What

The Shambles.

If you lived in a civilised part of the world, you would have got the connection.

[Guest Tata Steely Dan]

6 hours ago, Snatch said:

Tata,you keep going on about Australia. I reckon you have been declined admission at some point in the past.

I think I've mentioned it twice. Three times if you include this post.

Not declined admission as I never applied. I did go to a corporate event last year that shared a venue with some sort of pro-emigration event. All these chavs and their future Sheilas queuing up because they heard that Australia has a shortage of joiners. If you are going to move abroad, go whole hog. Move somewhere where they don't speak English and eat boiled yak brains for dinner. Australia seems a lot like a hotter, duller version of a 1970s racist Dad's dream society. 

No, I'm more hacked off because I know a good number of people who've moved there. Simple as that. 

 A bunch of folk that scraped a 2:1 in some irrelevant subject at university, did some demeaning, poor-paying job for a couple of years that had nothing to do with their qualifications and offered no chance of career development, and then finally decided that moving to a cultureless, burning-hot racist shithole on the other side of the world is somehow the solution to all their various problems. That sort of naivety, and the idea that these over-privileged, under-worked and under-stimulated halfwits would somehow discover an inner work ethic by doing menial work, seems laughable really.

Lastly, don't get me started on Australians themselves. They are right up there with Glaswegians* in terms of totally over-compensating for various inferiority complexes by being brash, loud and prone to over-sharing personal information. If you have to yell "I'm such a great guy, I can talk to anybody and I make friends all the time, I'm the life and soul of any party" to complete strangers everywhere you go then you are probably a cunt. Rupert Murdoch and Nick Kyrgios are just two examples of Australians who take great delight in trying to shit all over British customs and traditions, probably because they both come from a place with neither customs or traditions. If both were genuinely happy with their existences then they wouldn't bother. Murdoch has made it his life's goal to meddle with UK politics and Kyrgios seems to think he will be the guy who changes Wimbledon by verbally abusing everybody, including the fucking ball boys. No fucking class. 

* Us Edinbuggers get a lot of stick for being unfriendly, but the difference is we are actually sure of ourselves, whereas Glaswegians are one dropped plate away from an existential crisis.

[Earl of Punkape]

2 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said:

I think I've mentioned it twice. Three times if you include this post.

Not declined admission as I never applied. I did go to a corporate event last year that shared a venue with some sort of pro-emigration event. All these chavs and their future Sheilas queuing up because they heard that Australia has a shortage of joiners. If you are going to move abroad, go whole hog. Move somewhere where they don't speak English and eat boiled yak brains for dinner. Australia seems a lot like a hotter, duller version of a 1970s racist Dad's dream society. 

No, I'm more hacked off because I know a good number of people who've moved there. Simple as that. 

 A bunch of folk that scraped a 2:1 in some irrelevant subject at university, did some demeaning, poor-paying job for a couple of years that had nothing to do with their qualifications and offered no chance of career development, and then finally decided that moving to a cultureless, burning-hot racist shithole on the other side of the world is somehow the solution to all their various problems. That sort of naivety, and the idea that these over-privileged, under-worked and under-stimulated halfwits would somehow discover an inner work ethic by doing menial work, seems laughable really.

Lastly, don't get me started on Australians themselves. They are right up there with Glaswegians* in terms of totally over-compensating for various inferiority complexes by being brash, loud and prone to over-sharing personal information. If you have to yell "I'm such a great guy, I can talk to anybody and I make friends all the time, I'm the life and soul of any party" to complete strangers everywhere you go then you are probably a cunt. Rupert Murdoch and Nick Kyrgios are just two examples of Australians who take great delight in trying to shit all over British customs and traditions, probably because they both come from a place with neither customs or traditions. If both were genuinely happy with their existences then they wouldn't bother. Murdoch has made it his life's goal to meddle with UK politics and Kyrgios seems to think he will be the guy who changes Wimbledon by verbally abusing everybody, including the fucking ball boys. No fucking class. 

* Us Edinbuggers get a lot of stick for being unfriendly, but the difference is we are actually sure of ourselves, whereas Glaswegians are one dropped plate away from an existential crisis.

 

People who are no longer gay, are rebuked by gays for no longer being gay. Gays always accuse their accusers of being gay.

David Makepiece-Cayley.