camberwell gypsy Posted December 18, 2017 Report Share Posted December 18, 2017 2 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: "Die Hard" is a classic! The fact you didn't know his name makes you a bigger tit than I! I bet you stand in front of a mirror pretending to be Alan Rickman. "I will count to three. There won't be a four". "Get me those detonators". "Shoot the glass". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted December 18, 2017 Report Share Posted December 18, 2017 20 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: Christmas Eve night I'm gonna pop open a nice (expensive) merlot, box of quality street and lay on the sofa and watch Die Hard "Mr Tagaki will not be joining us for the rest of his life", and Pulp Fiction. The calm before the storm of Christmas day and family getting in my fucking nerves. Popping open a nice (expensive) Merlot for Christmas indicates a sense of occasion, which suggests you usually slurp on a £3.99 bottle of ALDI pigswill from a trough. And chavs' fave Quality Street is hardly a box of Jess De Bruges truffles worthy of a festive treat. Still, I already know a cheap curry house will easily suffice your needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 18, 2017 Report Share Posted December 18, 2017 9 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: I bet you stand in front of a mirror pretending to be Alan Rickman. "I will count to three. There won't be a four". "Get me those detonators". "Shoot the glass". I don't even own John Phillips! Nor will I go to Savile Row. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 19, 2017 Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 6 hours ago, Fender777 said: They're not cheating, they're better than us, it's that simple. We don't have an explosive batsman at the top of the order like Warner, we don't have a run machine in the middle like Smith, we don't have express pace bowlers like they do and we don't have a spinner who takes his fair share of wickets. There is no cheating and it's not rocket science to work out why England are losing. England prepare wickets to suit our players in our own country so it's nothing new for any country to prepare wickets to suit their own players. I disagree but Anderson should have gone off injured when he got whacked just to spoil and dampen their celebrations. I would have done just to fuck it up for them and not give them the satisfaction of taking all 20 wickets. Horrible convicts. Australia will hold the Urn for at least 10 years now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 19, 2017 Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 On 16/12/2017 at 8:46 AM, Jiggerycock said: Worse than I thought it would be on waking up. Think this will be the last hurrah for some England old-timers. You start off thinking 'Oooh! Stoneman, Vince, Malan, Overton / Ball....the Aussies must be licking their lips'. Turns out the newcomers have contributed something at some point. What have the established players done? Only Anderson's 'five-fer' at Adelaide comes to mind. Broad is too busy being a show pony. Cook has gone and whilst theres still some mileage in Moeen and Root and Bairstow of course, it's time for an overhaul for next summer. I would ring the changes for Melbourne, bring in some of the England Lions. When we turned up out there in 2010 with a team half full of South Africans we left with the Urn because they are fighters and want to win. Need players like that now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted December 19, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2017 16 hours ago, applescruff14 said: I would ring the changes for Melbourne, bring in some of the England Lions. When we turned up out there in 2010 with a team half full of South Africans we left with the Urn because they are fighters and want to win. Need players like that now. 2010/11 ashes series was also won by the contributions from Cook and Anderson....Cook got over 700 runs that series opening the batting, but he had Strauss with him. I miss my tradesman days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 21, 2017 Report Share Posted December 21, 2017 On 19/12/2017 at 9:40 PM, Fender777 said: 2010/11 ashes series was also won by the contributions from Cook and Anderson....Cook got over 700 runs that series opening the batting, but he had Strauss with him. I miss my tradesman days. Comparing any woman to the woman I really want is like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt I met so many cunts in 2009 I wish I had stayed in Australia I miss my tradesman days I'm staring a P45 in the face If England win the Ashes in Australia I have to go to work in my pants Australia are doctoring the wickets 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 21, 2017 Report Share Posted December 21, 2017 On 18/12/2017 at 10:14 PM, Fender777 said: They're not cheating, they're better than us, it's that simple. We don't have an explosive batsman at the top of the order like Warner, we don't have a run machine in the middle like Smith, we don't have express pace bowlers like they do and we don't have a spinner who takes his fair share of wickets. There is no cheating and it's not rocket science to work out why England are losing. England prepare wickets to suit our players in our own country so it's nothing new for any country to prepare wickets to suit their own players. Root was completely pale and slurring his words when he was interviewed after the test, should never have given him the captains job. It didn't work with Flintoff either, never have your star player as captain especially if they are a batsman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 21, 2017 Report Share Posted December 21, 2017 On 03/12/2017 at 7:49 AM, southerncunt said: Good for you mate. Smith is a valuable wicket for sure, but there is a reasonable amount of depth across the side. I hope it is not a whitewash, a close series will be the best thing for cricket overall, but especially for test cricket. High Wycombe in Perth. I was there in 2009. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 21, 2017 Report Share Posted December 21, 2017 9 hours ago, applescruff14 said: Comparing any woman to the woman I really want is like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt I met so many cunts in 2009 I wish I had stayed in Australia I miss my tradesman days I'm staring a P45 in the face If England win the Ashes in Australia I have to go to work in my pants Australia are doctoring the wickets Scruffo, I'd like to be a fly on the wall at your company Chrimbo function. I wager you're the hit of the party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted December 21, 2017 Report Share Posted December 21, 2017 5 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: Scruffo, I'd like to be a fly on the wall at your company Chrimbo function. I wager you're the hit of the party. Comparing his Christmas do to ours would be like comparing... I don't know. If only there was a suitable analogy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted December 21, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 21, 2017 18 hours ago, applescruff14 said: Comparing any woman to the woman I really want is like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt I met so many cunts in 2009 I wish I had stayed in Australia I miss my tradesman days I'm staring a P45 in the face If England win the Ashes in Australia I have to go to work in my pants Australia are doctoring the wickets Don't think you will win her with that attitude. Rolf Harris probably has more chance at the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 22, 2017 Report Share Posted December 22, 2017 14 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: Scruffo, I'd like to be a fly on the wall at your company Chrimbo function. I wager you're the hit of the party. We had ours a fortnight ago, I end up as the taxi as I don't drink alcohol. I'm the quiet one actually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 22, 2017 Report Share Posted December 22, 2017 6 hours ago, Fender777 said: Don't think you will win her with that attitude. Rolf Harris probably has more chance at the moment. No chance of England bowling Australia out for 98 at Melbourne like we did back in 2010, couldn't believe that when I woke up and saw that but its all dead rubber now. The last time we were Down Under, that was the test that we came the closest to actually winning. No sprinkler dance this time either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted December 22, 2017 Report Share Posted December 22, 2017 30 minutes ago, applescruff14 said: No chance of England bowling Australia out for 98 at Melbourne like we did back in 2010, couldn't believe that when I woke up and saw that but its all dead rubber now. The last time we were Down Under, that was the test that we came the closest to actually winning. No sprinkler dance this time either. I went to Melbourne one day last year ..Melbourne Derbyshire that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted December 22, 2017 Report Share Posted December 22, 2017 3 hours ago, applescruff14 said: We had ours a fortnight ago, I end up as the taxi as I don't drink alcohol. I'm the quiet one actually. After dropping all your colleagues off, I bet your face was like seeing Steve Smith in a graveyard late at night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 22, 2017 Report Share Posted December 22, 2017 11 hours ago, applescruff14 said: We had ours a fortnight ago, I end up as the taxi as I don't drink alcohol. I'm the quiet one actually. An opportunity lost, mate. If you have to take the drunks home, you charge by the mile and a flat fee for petrol. Then you take them for a scenic ride....you can make a shite load of money on the sly, and drop the drunken cunts where ever you desire. You're your own boss, and no longer under a cunts control.....well, unless you treat yourself like shit, then you'll always have a boss that's a total cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 23, 2017 Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 12 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: An opportunity lost, mate. If you have to take the drunks home, you charge by the mile and a flat fee for petrol. Then you take them for a scenic ride....you can make a shite load of money on the sly, and drop the drunken cunts where ever you desire. You're your own boss, and no longer under a cunts control.....well, unless you treat yourself like shit, then you'll always have a boss that's a total cunt. One of them took a wee a few yards away from my car. I will be very surprised if there is a 2018 Xmas do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 23, 2017 Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 21 hours ago, nocti said: After dropping all your colleagues off, I bet your face was like seeing Steve Smith in a graveyard late at night. You could say that, I keep seeing that woman's face in my mind. I was never really interested anyway, just humouring her. It's good as I havn't seen her since. Comparing her to the woman I really want is like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 23, 2017 Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 23 hours ago, Lady Penelope said: I went to Melbourne one day last year ..Melbourne Derbyshire that is. Melbourne in Australia has never really appealed to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted December 23, 2017 Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 2 hours ago, applescruff14 said: Melbourne in Australia has never really appealed to me. I have also been over Sydney Bridge many times .. Sydney Bridge in Crewe that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Cunt Standing Posted December 23, 2017 Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 17 hours ago, applescruff14 said: Melbourne in Australia has never really appealed to me. I must disagree, Scruff. Victoria is beautiful, Melbourne the best Australian city, and the MCG when full is a sight to behold. I see Ponting has been playing the traditional Aussie game of bait the Captain with an honest appraisal of Roots’ captaincy, and straight into the psychological bear-trap walks one Jonny Bairstow. I give up on these cunts. Put Alex Ferguson or Dr Steve Peters in charge for fucks sake, or even Bernard and Jonno of Salford City FC. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 23, 2017 Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 2 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said: I must disagree, Scruff. Victoria is beautiful, Melbourne the best Australian city, and the MCG when full is a sight to behold. I see Ponting has been playing the traditional Aussie game of bait the Captain with an honest appraisal of Roots’ captaincy, and straight into the psychological bear-trap walks one Jonny Bairstow. I give up on these cunts. Put Alex Ferguson or Dr Steve Peters in charge for fucks sake, or even Bernard and Jonno of Salford FC. Ponting was spot on with his comments. Roots cheeky chappie routine is all well and good when we're hammering sides at home but he looks fucking clueless when in a full on battle looking down a 5 nil arse fucking. We need some hard men who instead of a gay head but, smashes their teeth down their throat. On the point of Bancroft the wank stain had fucked off to Somerset from my beloved glos, where he did fuck all. See 1000 runs before June along the line of one of our overseas greats Kane Williamson, who was utter shite for the shire, not look at the cunt. Spot on about Victoria. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted December 23, 2017 Report Share Posted December 23, 2017 14 hours ago, applescruff14 said: One of them took a wee a few yards away from my car. I will be very surprised if there is a 2018 Xmas do. As long as there is a company, there will be a do. The question is will you still be with the company and will you be welcome. As for pissing a few yards from your car, you should probaboy be thankful it wasn't done ON your car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 24, 2017 Report Share Posted December 24, 2017 12 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said: I must disagree, Scruff. Victoria is beautiful, Melbourne the best Australian city, and the MCG when full is a sight to behold. I see Ponting has been playing the traditional Aussie game of bait the Captain with an honest appraisal of Roots’ captaincy, and straight into the psychological bear-trap walks one Jonny Bairstow. I give up on these cunts. Put Alex Ferguson or Dr Steve Peters in charge for fucks sake, or even Bernard and Jonno of Salford City FC. Victoria which is Australia's smallest state is bigger than England, Wales and Scotland combined. The MCG would be a lot better for the Ashes if the series was still open which only happened in 2010 in recent times. I agree with Ponting, Root is like a little boy. I knew when he got the job the Ashes were gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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