Outsourcing

[Jiggerycock]

The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!'

For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this.

Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal'

Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things!

Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal'

In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit.

Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!!

[camberwell gypsy]

10 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said:

The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!'

For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this.

Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal'

Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things!

Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal'

In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit.

Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!!

Good luck on The Apprentice.

[Guest Piston]

11 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said:

The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!'

For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this.

Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal'

Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things!

Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal'

In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit.

Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!!

It would hardly be appropriate for me to comment on length here  but I fear it may be too intricate an argument for some members; especially since you appear to have used punctuation.

Nonetheless, spot on. Good man.

I would copy and paste this onto the customer 'service' sites of two utility companies I'm fucking stuck with but I'm not sure how Indian et al based centres would interpret 'mandated anal'.

 

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

Its a fucking buzz word that in principle should yield results. eg Amazon outsourcing the delivery of their product to a company that specialises in delivering products. However said companies are either Yodel or DPD and there you have a fucking disaster. 

(example cleaned up for contributers that don't regularly take prostitutes up the rear)

[Guest Bill Stickers]

1 hour ago, Jiggerycock said:

The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!'

For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this.

Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal'

Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things!

Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal'

In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit.

Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!!

Did Mike Ashley terminate your zero hours contract again? 

Make sure to check up on PunkApe when you sign on tomorrow - we're all worried about him. 

[Decimus]

36 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said:

Did Mike Ashley terminate your zero hours contract again? 

Make sure to check up on PunkApe when you sign on tomorrow - we're all worried about him. 

Punkape.exe has been outsourced and replaced by a primitive Grindr based bot.

[Cuntybaws]

59 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Punkape.exe has been outsourced and replaced by a primitive Grindr based bot.

Fnaar, fnaar, you said "bot".

Extra points too for doing so on a thread about mandated anal.

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

Shouldn't that be Exe. Punkape rather than Punkape being the .exe 

[Guest luke swarm]

3 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!'

For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this.

Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal'

Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things!

Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal'

In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit.

Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!!

I feel that your comments are a little unfair as I work for a company which specialises in outsourcing...its called HM Government Westminster PLC.

Its a company that will outsource virtually anything as long as there are a few non executive directorships available to those specialists that oversee the outsourcing contract implementation. In fact the only thing they will not outsource are there own positions because they are so skilled and indispensable that no other cunt is capable of fulfilling the requirements.

Its not easy filling in all those expense claims for duckhouses. mansions in the country, London penthouses and first class worldwide travel you know,  This country is fucked.

[Guest Snatch]

4 minutes ago, luke swarm said:

I feel that your comments are a little unfair as I work for a company which specialises in outsourcing...its called HM Government Westminster PLC.

Lukers,I hope your not a fucking Politician?

[Guest Piston]

5 minutes ago, luke swarm said:

I feel that your comments are a little unfair as I work for a company which specialises in outsourcing...its called HM Government Westminster PLC.

Its a company that will outsource virtually anything as long as there are a few non executive directorships available to those specialists that oversee the outsourcing contract implementation. In fact the only thing they will not outsource are there own positions because they are so skilled and indispensable that no other cunt is capable of fulfilling the requirements.

Its not easy filling in all those expense claims for duckhouses. mansions in the country, London penthouses and first class worldwide travel you know,  This country is fucked.

Or "mandated anal" as the new policy is currently described.

Further "quantitative easing" may be required.

[Guest luke swarm]

4 minutes ago, Snatch said:

Lukers,I hope your not a fucking Politician?

Of course not, I am a civil servant who advises local government about diversity and equal opportunities.

[Cuntybaws]

5 minutes ago, luke swarm said:

Of course not, I am a civil servant who advises local government about diversity and equal opportunities.

More of a Bernard than a Sir Humphrey, then?

[Guest luke swarm]

11 minutes ago, Piston said:

Or "mandated anal" as the new policy is currently described.

Further "quantitative easing" may be required.

....MAN-DATE.....ANAL....QUANTITIVE EASING

This is going to get certain cunts on here frothing at the gash and having uncontrolled spasm activity.  

 

.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

2 hours ago, Bill Stickers said:

Did Mike Ashley terminate your zero hours contract again? 

Make sure to check up on PunkApe when you sign on tomorrow - we're all worried about him. 

Not all of us, Bill. I'm actually clinging to hope that he topped himself. I have a bottle of good champagne chilling for if/when the good news hits. 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

5 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said:

Not all of us, Bill. I'm actually clinging to hope that he topped himself. I have a bottle of good champagne chilling for if/when the good news hits. 

Fucking hell. Don't mention champagne. You'll set that interminable fucking r-tard Ding off again. The silly cunt can't afford it, so he's convinced himself Tesco own-brand Cava is better. Deluded fucking idiot.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

11 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said:

Fucking hell. Don't mention champagne. You'll set that interminable fucking r-tard Ding off again. The silly cunt can't afford it, so he's convinced himself Tesco own-brand Cava is better. Deluded fucking idiot.

Even Cava could be useful. Break off the bottom of the bottle and use the sharp edges to disembowel punky and give his near death body to starving feral hogs. They will return him to his original form after a normal period of digestion. 

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

2 hours ago, luke swarm said:

I feel that your comments are a little unfair as I work for a company which specialises in outsourcing...its called HM Government Westminster PLC.

Now there's a fucking surprise. I wondered how you got enough time to post all your shit on here during 'working' hours.

[Guest luke swarm]

5 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said:

Now there's a fucking surprise. I wondered how you got enough time to post all your shit on here during 'working' hours.

because cunts like you pay my wages you dopey turd........I assume that a small part of your disability grant is taxed and you pay council tax on your dilapidated subterranean shack. 

 

Or I suppose I could be lying about the whole thing you unbelievably stupid cretin.

[Earl of Punkape]

5 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!'

For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this.

Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal'

Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things!

Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal'

In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit.

Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!!

Cowdenbeath 1  East Stirling 1

[Jiggerycock]

6 minutes ago, Punkape said:

Cowdenbeath 1  East Stirling 1

What the fuck is this all about?

Young Boys of Bern - 0 vs. Punkape- 6

[Ape™️]

Just now, Punkape said:

Cowdenbeath 1  East Stirling 1

There he is! I was worried you might be dead. Well, when I say worried, it was more like hoping if I'm honest.