Jiggerycock Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!' For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this. Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal' Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things! Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit. Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 10 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!' For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this. Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal' Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things! Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit. Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!! Good luck on The Apprentice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Piston Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 11 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!' For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this. Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal' Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things! Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit. Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!! It would hardly be appropriate for me to comment on length here but I fear it may be too intricate an argument for some members; especially since you appear to have used punctuation. Nonetheless, spot on. Good man. I would copy and paste this onto the customer 'service' sites of two utility companies I'm fucking stuck with but I'm not sure how Indian et al based centres would interpret 'mandated anal'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 Its a fucking buzz word that in principle should yield results. eg Amazon outsourcing the delivery of their product to a company that specialises in delivering products. However said companies are either Yodel or DPD and there you have a fucking disaster. (example cleaned up for contributers that don't regularly take prostitutes up the rear) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 1 hour ago, Jiggerycock said: The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!' For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this. Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal' Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things! Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit. Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!! Did Mike Ashley terminate your zero hours contract again? Make sure to check up on PunkApe when you sign on tomorrow - we're all worried about him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 36 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: Did Mike Ashley terminate your zero hours contract again? Make sure to check up on PunkApe when you sign on tomorrow - we're all worried about him. Punkape.exe has been outsourced and replaced by a primitive Grindr based bot. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 59 minutes ago, Decimus said: Punkape.exe has been outsourced and replaced by a primitive Grindr based bot. Fnaar, fnaar, you said "bot". Extra points too for doing so on a thread about mandated anal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 Shouldn't that be Exe. Punkape rather than Punkape being the .exe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 3 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!' For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this. Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal' Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things! Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit. Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!! I feel that your comments are a little unfair as I work for a company which specialises in outsourcing...its called HM Government Westminster PLC. Its a company that will outsource virtually anything as long as there are a few non executive directorships available to those specialists that oversee the outsourcing contract implementation. In fact the only thing they will not outsource are there own positions because they are so skilled and indispensable that no other cunt is capable of fulfilling the requirements. Its not easy filling in all those expense claims for duckhouses. mansions in the country, London penthouses and first class worldwide travel you know, This country is fucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 4 minutes ago, luke swarm said: I feel that your comments are a little unfair as I work for a company which specialises in outsourcing...its called HM Government Westminster PLC. Lukers,I hope your not a fucking Politician? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Piston Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 5 minutes ago, luke swarm said: I feel that your comments are a little unfair as I work for a company which specialises in outsourcing...its called HM Government Westminster PLC. Its a company that will outsource virtually anything as long as there are a few non executive directorships available to those specialists that oversee the outsourcing contract implementation. In fact the only thing they will not outsource are there own positions because they are so skilled and indispensable that no other cunt is capable of fulfilling the requirements. Its not easy filling in all those expense claims for duckhouses. mansions in the country, London penthouses and first class worldwide travel you know, This country is fucked. Or "mandated anal" as the new policy is currently described. Further "quantitative easing" may be required. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 4 minutes ago, Snatch said: Lukers,I hope your not a fucking Politician? Of course not, I am a civil servant who advises local government about diversity and equal opportunities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 5 minutes ago, luke swarm said: Of course not, I am a civil servant who advises local government about diversity and equal opportunities. More of a Bernard than a Sir Humphrey, then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 11 minutes ago, Piston said: Or "mandated anal" as the new policy is currently described. Further "quantitative easing" may be required. ....MAN-DATE.....ANAL....QUANTITIVE EASING This is going to get certain cunts on here frothing at the gash and having uncontrolled spasm activity. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 2 hours ago, Bill Stickers said: Did Mike Ashley terminate your zero hours contract again? Make sure to check up on PunkApe when you sign on tomorrow - we're all worried about him. Not all of us, Bill. I'm actually clinging to hope that he topped himself. I have a bottle of good champagne chilling for if/when the good news hits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 5 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said: Not all of us, Bill. I'm actually clinging to hope that he topped himself. I have a bottle of good champagne chilling for if/when the good news hits. Fucking hell. Don't mention champagne. You'll set that interminable fucking r-tard Ding off again. The silly cunt can't afford it, so he's convinced himself Tesco own-brand Cava is better. Deluded fucking idiot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 11 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: Fucking hell. Don't mention champagne. You'll set that interminable fucking r-tard Ding off again. The silly cunt can't afford it, so he's convinced himself Tesco own-brand Cava is better. Deluded fucking idiot. Even Cava could be useful. Break off the bottom of the bottle and use the sharp edges to disembowel punky and give his near death body to starving feral hogs. They will return him to his original form after a normal period of digestion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 2 hours ago, luke swarm said: I feel that your comments are a little unfair as I work for a company which specialises in outsourcing...its called HM Government Westminster PLC. Now there's a fucking surprise. I wondered how you got enough time to post all your shit on here during 'working' hours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 5 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: Now there's a fucking surprise. I wondered how you got enough time to post all your shit on here during 'working' hours. because cunts like you pay my wages you dopey turd........I assume that a small part of your disability grant is taxed and you pay council tax on your dilapidated subterranean shack. Or I suppose I could be lying about the whole thing you unbelievably stupid cretin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 5 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: The biggest practical joke foisted on society since the Japanese went 'Raw Fish? - Come on! The fuckers will never go for that!' For those of you who have organised your lives so you never have to come into contact with this towering monument to inefficiency (in which case, where do you live? Down a well?), it goes something like this. Company A is really great. Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of their game in every respect. Let's say, 'supplying Prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal' Company B comes along and goes " You know what Company A? You're fucking ace when it comes to prostitutes that are mandated to offer anal. You're Innovative. Entrepreneurial. Efficient. Really on top of your game in every respect, just like Jiggers said in the last paragraph. Who's Jiggers? Fuck off! Don't overcomplicate things! Or rather - Do overcomplicate things by outsourcing your non-core 'prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' business to us. So all your marketing, your booking of sad pathetic pervies, your payment processing, your recruitment of Prostitutes (who are mandated to offer anal), your jizzmoppers, fluffers - all that. Outsource it to us, leaving you to focus on your core business of (altogether now...) 'pimping prostitutes who are mandated to offer anal' In 6 months time, the knocking shop has gone bust because Company B have overcomplicated things, outsourced the outsourcing (probably to China, where they take a dim view of these things but will do it cheap), not understood that all a poor pathetic pervie wants is a simple trip up the Old Dirt road - not a 'wide ranging and over-arching psycho-sexual experience with bleeps and whistles' and that said pervie wants to deal with the knocking shop direct not some middleman who knows shit about shit. Bit too anal / scat heavy? Deal with it you Mother!! Cowdenbeath 1 East Stirling 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted October 6, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 6 minutes ago, Punkape said: Cowdenbeath 1 East Stirling 1 What the fuck is this all about? Young Boys of Bern - 0 vs. Punkape- 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted October 6, 2016 Report Share Posted October 6, 2016 Just now, Punkape said: Cowdenbeath 1 East Stirling 1 There he is! I was worried you might be dead. Well, when I say worried, it was more like hoping if I'm honest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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