Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 Seems like I spent a lot of my formative years at garden centres. Horrible places full of old people. The occasional stab at home-counties conservatism, trodden on by wellies and interupted by the stench of splilt tomato food. The worst offenders are the water features. Outdoors away from the desiccating warmth of the patio heaters, the chirrups of the exotic birds in their too-small cages and the crunch of spilled slug pellets underfoot. In the furthest corners of the outdoor areas of these places, past the winking gnomes and the bags of compost quietly seeping their richly earthy innards onto the slats below. The gentle rippling of the water features drowned out only by the perpetual grinding of their electric pumps. A stab at terra sigillata, rendered in russet plastic, perpetually blocked up with rotton leaves and the larvae of our more exotic insects. Cunts to a tee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 17 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Seems like I spent a lot of my formative years at garden centres. Horrible places full of old people. The occasional stab at home-counties conservatism, trodden on by wellies and interupted by the stench of splilt tomato food. The worst offenders are the water features. Outdoors away from the desiccating warmth of the patio heaters, the chirrups of the exotic birds in their too-small cages and the crunch of spilled slug pellets underfoot. In the furthest corners of the outdoor areas of these places, past the winking gnomes and the bags of compost quietly seeping their richly earthy innards onto the slats below. The gentle rippling of the water features drowned out only by the perpetual grinding of their electric pumps. A stab at terra sigillata, rendered in russet plastic, perpetually blocked up with rotton leaves and the larvae of our more exotic insects. Cunts to a tee. Charlie Dimmock has nipples like Scania wheel nuts. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 18 minutes ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Seems like I spent a lot of my formative years at garden centres. Horrible places full of old people. The occasional stab at home-counties conservatism, trodden on by wellies and interupted by the stench of splilt tomato food. The worst offenders are the water features. Outdoors away from the desiccating warmth of the patio heaters, the chirrups of the exotic birds in their too-small cages and the crunch of spilled slug pellets underfoot. In the furthest corners of the outdoor areas of these places, past the winking gnomes and the bags of compost quietly seeping their richly earthy innards onto the slats below. The gentle rippling of the water features drowned out only by the perpetual grinding of their electric pumps. A stab at terra sigillata, rendered in russet plastic, perpetually blocked up with rotton leaves and the larvae of our more exotic insects. Cunts to a tee. I've read more interesting stuff off Jeffrey Archer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 3 minutes ago, Manky said: I've read more interesting stuff off Jeffrey Archer You're from Oop North so can't, and therefore don't, read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 I'm rather disappointed. I thought this was going to be about that woman who used to work at Dobbies, she'd let you piss in her mouth for a quid. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 2 hours ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Seems like I spent a lot of my formative years at garden centres. Horrible places full of old people. The occasional stab at home-counties conservatism, trodden on by wellies and interupted by the stench of splilt tomato food. The worst offenders are the water features. Outdoors away from the desiccating warmth of the patio heaters, the chirrups of the exotic birds in their too-small cages and the crunch of spilled slug pellets underfoot. In the furthest corners of the outdoor areas of these places, past the winking gnomes and the bags of compost quietly seeping their richly earthy innards onto the slats below. The gentle rippling of the water features drowned out only by the perpetual grinding of their electric pumps. A stab at terra sigillata, rendered in russet plastic, perpetually blocked up with rotton leaves and the larvae of our more exotic insects. Cunts to a tee. I know where you mean. It isn't a day out, it's a fuckin shop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 5 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: Charlie Dimmock has nipples like Scania wheel nuts. Presumably these are not the only nuts on their body as I've never heard of this Charlie cunt. It is a man, right? You fucking poof. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 @Punkape has got a "Yellow Rain" water feature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 8 minutes ago, Lady Penelope said: @Punkape has got a "Yellow Rain" water feature. He also has a golden shower in his bathroom, which is a replica of a gents public convenience with glory holes and a queer attendant called Gyles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 6 hours ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: Presumably these are not the only nuts on their body as I've never heard of this Charlie cunt. It is a man, right? You fucking poof. In her day helping Alan Titfart doing that ground force program she was quite a lass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 23 minutes ago, Noakes said: In her day helping Alan Titfart doing that ground force program she was quite a lass. Really? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 16 minutes ago, Punkape said: Really? As you only fancy men how would you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 22 minutes ago, Noakes said: As you only fancy men how would you know? Pleb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 10 hours ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: Presumably these are not the only nuts on their body as I've never heard of this Charlie cunt. It is a man, right? You fucking poof. No, it's a woman that does gardening and shit. Try google. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 19 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: Charlie Dimmock has nipples like Scania wheel nuts. Back in the day when the flame-haired fuck-ugly floozy graced our screens, and made sure to only do the plants and landscaping below knee level to ensure she was always bent over, my old man would say "Fuck me, you could hang soaking wet sheepskin on those." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 18 minutes ago, nocti said: Back in the day when the flame-haired fuck-ugly floozy graced our screens, and made sure to only do the plants and landscaping below knee level to ensure she was always bent over, my old man would say "Fuck me, you could hang soaking wet sheepskin on those." My grandparents generation would have likened them to 'chapel hat pegs'. You're spot on with the observation that she was always trying to show off her tits and arse though, probably trying to catch the eye of the brylcreemed decking enthusiast Tommy Walsh, who is a cunt but not as big a cunt as 'handy Andy', anyone who remembers his recording of 'if I had a hammer' will know what I mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 21 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: My grandparents generation would have likened them to 'chapel hat pegs'. You're spot on with the observation that she was always trying to show off her tits and arse though, probably trying to catch the eye of the brylcreemed decking enthusiast Tommy Walsh, who is a cunt but not as big a cunt as 'handy Andy', anyone who remembers his recording of 'if I had a hammer' will know what I mean. If I had a hammer I would hunt punkape down and smash his fucking skull in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 I'm all-up for a good water feature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 'eavensabove Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 10 minutes ago, Noakes said: If I had a hammer I would hunt punkape down and smash his fucking skull in. Hunt? Have you not tried waiting outside your local public Gents? Sure, he may be inside all day, but. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 19 minutes ago, 'eavensabove said: Hunt? Have you not tried waiting outside your local public Gents? Sure, he may be inside all day, but. Why not paint a gun barrel pink (or brown) and push it through the glory hole, just wait for the slurping noise to begin and squeeze the trigger, job done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 18 hours ago, Cap'n Cunt said: I'm rather disappointed. I thought this was going to be about that woman who used to work at Dobbies, she'd let you piss in her mouth for a quid. Dobbies makes Ikea look like fucking Disneyland. It reminds me of the mall scene from Dawn Of The Dead, only the average age of the zombies is 103. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colonelkurtz Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 15 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: Dobbies makes Ikea look like fucking Disneyland. It reminds me of the mall scene from Dawn Of The Dead, only the average age of the zombies is 103. One of the few places that sell scented candles with an aroma that disguises the smell of stale piss , cabbage and rover 200's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 3 hours ago, Cuntybaws said: Dobbies makes Ikea look like fucking Disneyland. It reminds me of the mall scene from Dawn Of The Dead, only the average age of the zombies is 103. Have you noticed that when you watch the original Romero version, it takes 3 fucking days to get that piped mall Muzak out of your head....da dum dum dum, da dum dum dum, da dum dum dumidumi dum dum dum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tata Steely Dan Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 Where's my wee pal Bubbles? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted February 25, 2017 Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 8 hours ago, Tata Steely Dan said: Where's my wee pal Bubbles? Perhaps he has burst. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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