The Rt Hon Gavin Williamson MP

[Guest judgetwi]

On 10/06/2020 at 00:04, Last Cunt Standing said:

This cunt has been on the radar for years, but look at him now, arguing that 2m is not 2m and floundering about like a newly landed Tuna. Even by modern standards he’s an epic fail of a man. Keep an eye on the cunt, that’s all I’m saying.

Fireplace Salesman of the year, 2007. Aim high. 

I hate this cunt. Fake, fraud, arrogant bullshitter. He’s thick as shit and needs an electric soldering iron shoved up his pathetic arse.

I’m not too keen on this Gavin bloke either.

[Last Cunt Standing]

9 hours ago, judgetwi said:

I hate this cunt. Fake, fraud, arrogant bullshitter. He’s thick as shit and needs an electric soldering iron shoved up his pathetic arse.

Keep flirting with me like this Judy and eventually I’ll succumb. Perhaps you know of a good Greek Restaurant? At least then I can can sample the Retsina while you moan about wheelchair access, youth crime and kebabs while picking the maggots from your leg ulcer.

This riveting evening will of course have to wait until The Plague is over. Pencil me in for 2025. I do hope you hold out till then. 

[Stubby Pecker]

16 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Fucking hate Kent. 

I've no real issues with any of the counties- the yorkies can be twatish and its always nice to get one over on the likes of surrey and notts who are "parasites" nicking the best players from the less affluent sides and playing them in the their 2nd teams. I do, however, hate the kolpak style players- half the South African national team and the rest jack it in for a comfy life and huge pay check in county cricket. I could really come off the long run on this topic but fear the puntership would call me a right boring cunt.

[Last Cunt Standing]

13 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said:

I've no real issues with any of the counties- the yorkies can be twatish and its always nice to get one over on the likes of surrey and notts who are "parasites" nicking the best players from the less affluent sides and playing them in the their 2nd teams. I do, however, hate the kolpak style players- half the South African national team and the rest jack it in for a comfy life and huge pay check in county cricket. I could really come off the long run on this topic but fear the puntership would call me a right boring cunt.

Is it possible to get a huge pay check in County Cricket? IPL, maybe. 

[camberwell gypsy]

29 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Is it possible to get a huge pay check in County Cricket? IPL, maybe. 

The top players earn their sovs in the limited overs leagues. 

 

 

[Stubby Pecker]

On 13/06/2020 at 01:03, Last Cunt Standing said:

Is it possible to get a huge pay check in County Cricket? IPL, maybe. 

The average County Cricketer earns more than a South African international- their board is cash strapped and like most things in the rainbow nation corrupt to buggery. I can understand the likes of Kyle Abbott and Duanne Olivier jacking in test cricket at their peak for a settled family life in the UK of safety and financial security and it no doubt makes the county game stronger, but some counties really take the piss by filling their teams with Safas- Hantsvaal the prime example.

[King Billy]

On 13/06/2020 at 01:03, Last Cunt Standing said:

Is it possible to get a huge pay check in County Cricket? IPL, maybe. 

is this big enough?

[cuntspotter]

On 11/02/2019 at 21:31, Last Cunt Standing said:

I told you before this stupid little cunt was dangerous. 

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/feb/11/gavin-williamson-defence-policy-uk

He’s now happily sending off our aircraft carrier to protect international waters in the South China Sea and making all sorts of bellicose fart noises about “projecting hard power” and “standing up to rogue nations”. Listen hard enough and you’ll hear laughter in The Kremlin. They are still googling him in Beijing, so give it a day before they piss themselves. 

I know in Goveland we are all apparently sick of experts, but fuck me, this guy is setting new incompetence Pb’s weekly. Who does he think he is? The combined might of our defenestrated Armed Forces would be lucky to stop traffic on the M5. Apparently at one recent meeting he suggested arming Gibraltar residents with paintball guns to shoot at the regular Spanish Navy harassment operation, to collective eye rolling from the gold braid gang. 

Be it Grayling, Javid or Williamson, this is the standard of British leaders these days, and it’s genuinely quite scary. 

What has happened to us?

What happened? The country voted Tory..... after the most inept labour post Brexit election campaign that could possibly have been mounted.

[Guest judgetwi]

On 17/06/2020 at 07:35, cuntspotter said:

What happened? The country voted Tory..... after the most inept labour post Brexit election campaign that could possibly have been mounted.

Well done Mr Spotter. Blame it on the electoral campaign, blame it on Corbyn, who two years before was being lauded at Glastonbury (or Glasto as you would call it) Blame it on Putin, blame it on Trump. Let’s face it ........ it couldn’t possibly be that the working class actually looked at what you libtard,  middle class wankers were offering and said.....”fuck off, I don’t want that shit.” 

Oh no, they must have been conned the dumb cunts. Because you couldn’t possibly be wrong could you? And you will never understand that the more you insult us and tell us how to think the more we are determined to resist your media driven arse bollocks.

You’re full of shit Mr Spotter.

[Guest judgetwi]

On 12/06/2020 at 09:52, Last Cunt Standing said:

Keep flirting with me like this Judy and eventually I’ll succumb. Perhaps you know of a good Greek Restaurant? At least then I can can sample the Retsina while you moan about wheelchair access, youth crime and kebabs while picking the maggots from your leg ulcer.

This riveting evening will of course have to wait until The Plague is over. Pencil me in for 2025. I do hope you hold out till then. 

I don’t know any “good Greek restaurants” Bertie but i’ve never been to Greece. I’m sure they must have quite a few of them over there but I don’t know why the fuck you are asking me. The only “can can” I remember is those birds who used to do it at the end of “Sunday Night at the London Palladium”. I think that’s when I had my first erection. You remember erections don’t you Bertie? They probably had a different name for them at your public school. I don’t know what Retsina is to be honest but I can tell you that kebabs vary greatly in quality. In my experience it depends who is running the show. The best kebabs come from the Cypriots, preferably Greek but , I have to be honest, I am prejudiced against the Abduls. That’s because of certain experiences with the cunts i’ve had in the past which are  none of your fucking business, so don’t bother asking wanker.

2025? I doubt if i’ll be alive Bertie Boy but, if I am I hope I will have better things to do than eat Kebabs and drink this Retsina piss with a fake, fraud, bullshitting, boring, up his own arse, two bob poseur wanker like you.

You never know though. We live in unusual times. 😁

[Last Cunt Standing]

6 hours ago, judgetwi said:

I don’t know any “good Greek restaurants” Bertie but i’ve never been to Greece. I’m sure they must have quite a few of them over there but I don’t know why the fuck you are asking me. The only “can can” I remember is those birds who used to do it at the end of “Sunday Night at the London Palladium”. I think that’s when I had my first erection. You remember erections don’t you Bertie? They probably had a different name for them at your public school. I don’t know what Retsina is to be honest but I can tell you that kebabs vary greatly in quality. In my experience it depends who is running the show. The best kebabs come from the Cypriots, preferably Greek but , I have to be honest, I am prejudiced against the Abduls. That’s because of certain experiences with the cunts i’ve had in the past which are  none of your fucking business, so don’t bother asking wanker.

2025? I doubt if i’ll be alive Bertie Boy but, if I am I hope I will have better things to do than eat Kebabs and drink this Retsina piss with a fake, fraud, bullshitting, boring, up his own arse, two bob poseur wanker like you.

You never know though. We live in unusual times. 😁

Aw. I love you too Judith. I don’t even care it took nine days for you to reply, I know how busy you are, what with the fourteen needles of Lantus to get through a day, the tax to pay on your spagchariot, and all those yards of tinfoil you need to line your bedsit. That’s before we get to the hours you must spend on hold to LBC between visits to the Kebab shop. With only a few years left, I’m touched you’d find the time to engage me in yet more beautifully constructed prose, albeit a touch spittle-flecked and half-mad for my taste. You are at least usually consistent in your misanthropy and vitriol Judy, I’ll give you that. But don’t kid yourself, you know damn well Greek Restaurants and you go way back. I imagine as a younger man you’d often be found sniffing round Stavros’ back door hoping he’d slip you something. This bad experience with the Arabs - it didn’t involve you peeping out of an upstairs window by any chance did it?

[Eric Cuntman]

5 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Aw. I love you too Judith. I don’t even care it took nine days for you to reply, I know how busy you are, what with the fourteen needles of Lantus to get through a day, the tax to pay on your spagchariot, and all those yards of tinfoil you need to line your bedsit. That’s before we get to the hours you must spend on hold to LBC between visits to the Kebab shop. With only a few years left, I’m touched you’d find the time to engage me in yet more beautifully constructed prose, albeit a touch spittle-flecked and half-mad for my taste. You are at least usually consistent in your misanthropy and vitriol Judy, I’ll give you that. But don’t kid yourself, you know damn well Greek Restaurants and you go way back. I imagine as a younger man you’d often be found sniffing round Stavros’ back door hoping he’d slip you something. This bad experience with the Arabs - it didn’t involve you peeping out of an upstairs window by any chance did it?

I see what you did there. The fuse is lit.

[camberwell gypsy]

On 15/06/2020 at 11:07, King Billy said:

is this big enough?

Is that guy on the right, the painter and decorator? 

[Last Cunt Standing]

2 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Is that guy on the right, the painter and decorator? 

I’ve no idea, but the guy on the left is a spud farmer.

[camberwell gypsy]

1 minute ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’ve no idea, but the guy on the left is a spud farmer.

He should captain the 5 day England team. Better than that clueless ginger cunt Root. 

[Last Cunt Standing]

6 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

He should captain the 5 day England team. Better than that clueless ginger cunt Root. 

Agree, Root is a weak Captain, better left to his batting. Giving it to Stokes would be an error. Personally I’d like to see what Jos Buttler could do with it but he has the gloves to contend with. Maybe Broad or Bairstow?

[Stubby Pecker]

9 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’ve no idea, but the guy on the left is a spud farmer.

But he knows how to hit a six and keep the calmest of heads

 

9 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Agree, Root is a weak Captain, better left to his batting. Giving it to Stokes would be an error. Personally I’d like to see what Jos Buttler could do with it but he has the gloves to contend with. Maybe Broad or Bairstow?

I'd have gone for Broad over Root when Cook gave it up: Solid performer, good cricket brain and really pissed off the convicts. I'm a huge fan of Buttler -another with a calm head and great self confidence. 

[King Billy]

9 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Is that guy on the right, the painter and decorator? 

Uncle Ben. That’s his redundancy cheque as he’s not allowed on his own rice packets anymore.

[Last Cunt Standing]

8 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

But he knows how to hit a six and keep the calmest of heads

I don’t disagree. Hell of a one day player, I don’t even care he’s an Oirish mercenary. 
 

8 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

I'd have gone for Broad over Root when Cook gave it up: Solid performer, good cricket brain and really pissed off the convicts. I'm a huge fan of Buttler -another with a calm head and great self confidence. 

Score prediction for the Windies Stubbs? I’ll be disappointed if it’s not 3-0 but you’re closer to the weather than me. Is it worth a bet? The Windies are a fuckin pub team these days, no?

[Stubby Pecker]

2 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I don’t disagree. Hell of a one day player, I don’t even care he’s an Oirish mercenary. 
 

Score prediction for the Windies Stubbs? I’ll be disappointed if it’s not 3-0 but you’re closer to the weather than me. Is it worth a bet? The Windies are a fuckin pub team these days, no?

It's been a dry summer so far so one would expect plenty of runs. Even on belting tracks I'd expect our seamers to knock over the inpatient windies top order. They've got some solid bats in the from of Brathwaite, Bravo and Holder but they aint Lara or Chanderpaul.

The BBC have been showing some classic England vs Windies encounters of late; Lords 84 when Greenidge smashed 214* in the second inns chasing 342 after we declared; Headingley 91 when Goochie carried his bat for 154; and Old Trafford 95 when Lara was at his peak and that annoying cunt Cork got a hatrick

[Last Cunt Standing]

1 hour ago, Stubby Pecker said:

The BBC have been showing some classic England vs Windies encounters of late; Lords 84 when Greenidge smashed 214* in the second inns chasing 342 after we declared; Headingley 91 when Goochie carried his bat for 154; and Old Trafford 95 when Lara was at his peak and that annoying cunt Cork got a hatrick

Classic?. How about Holding knocking Geoffrey’s bails back to the Pavillion, or Walsh/Ambrose circa 1990? Cork really was a curate’s egg wasn’t he? Not helped in my mind by the fact I always for some reason confused him with Dermot Reeve, who always struck me as an overpromoted little shithouse. 

[Stubby Pecker]

3 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Classic?. How about Holding knocking Geoffrey’s bails back to the Pavillion, or Walsh/Ambrose circa 1990? Cork really was a curate’s egg wasn’t he? Not helped in my mind by the fact I always for some reason confused him with Dermot Reeve, who always struck me as an overpromoted little shithouse. 

Ambrose and Walsh and their mates were certainly a handful on the fast and uneven pitches in the West Indies and did for most touring teams until he mid 90s. For me big Curtly was the best of his generation- pace, bounce, genuine nastiness and hated going for even a single. 405 test wickets to back it up.

Of late the windies have been our bogie team, especially of the benign surfaces they play on over there. We always have a good collapse in us to their less than special bowling. 

Roston Chase FFS

[camberwell gypsy]

14 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Agree, Root is a weak Captain, better left to his batting. Giving it to Stokes would be an error. Personally I’d like to see what Jos Buttler could do with it but he has the gloves to contend with. Maybe Broad or Bairstow?

Jos Buttler isn't a 5 day test batsman. If he comes in at number 6 with just 150 on the board he's not gonna be around for another 50 overs quietly compiling a large score to get England back on track. I'd have Bairstow at 7 with the gloves with Paddy in at 6 and as captain.

[camberwell gypsy]

29 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Ambrose and Walsh and their mates were certainly a handful on the fast and uneven pitches in the West Indies and did for most touring teams until he mid 90s. For me big Curtly was the best of his generation- pace, bounce, genuine nastiness and hated going for even a single. 405 test wickets to back it up.

Of late the windies have been our bogie team, especially of the benign surfaces they play on over there. We always have a good collapse in us to their less than special bowling. 

Roston Chase FFS

Malcolm Marshall was the best. As he aged he slowed down and used the whole crease, varying his deliveries. The fastest bowler I ever saw was Sylvester Clarke. He had a pot belly, a 8 pace run up but fucking hell, a hellish fast delivery. Vic Richards once said he was the only bowler that scared him.  I've got a great story to tell about him but that will wait. 

If he'd kept off the sauce and not hitting Pakistani supporters with bricks he'd have been one of the greats. 

[Stubby Pecker]

Just now, camberwell gypsy said:

Jos Buttler isn't a 5 day test batsman. If he comes in at number 6 with just 150 on the board he's not gonna be around for another 50 overs quietly compiling a large score to get England back on track. I'd have Bairstow at 7 with the gloves with Paddy in at 6 and as captain.

Actually if you look at when he came back into the side in 2018 against 2 high quality pace attacks of Pakistan and India, that was exactly where he found himself- coming in when we were up shit creek and having to curb his stroke play and shepherd the tail. That summer he scored 510 runs @ 42.5 with 1 ton and 3 50s