Tourists taking shit photos

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

There are certain moments when thick tourists taking shit photos can be quite entertaining.  I offer the beached cetacean types for consideration.  These behemoths have a professional grade Nikon around their multi chinned necks, sweating profusely from the slightest amount of movement, they're gasping for air, and always in search of an unoccupied park bench to rest their stubby bloated legs and let their heart rate drop again.  They always have some enabling cunt near to them saying it would be a lovely time to take a break, and go to the nearest pikey cart vendor for whatever minced roadkill in a casing they can get.  The only decent picture they will ever capture is the one the camera snaps when it hits the ground from the collapse of the blob owner from the massive cardiac event that turns them fifty shades of blue.  

[Decimus]

Let's not forget about the true horror that is involved in this nom, when said happy-snappy cunt gets home and decides to regale their nearest and dearest with a pictographical odyssey of their ten days in Benidorm.

Apart from tedious cunts who insist on relaying their dreams to others, there is no worst bore in the world than someone with 267 photographs of a half built water park in some fly-blown Mediterranean shithole who then gleefully tortures their victims for three hours with a preprepared slide show.

[Cuntybaws]

3 minutes ago, Decimus said:

...there is no worse bore in the world than someone with 267 photographs of a half built water park in some fly-blown Mediterranean shithole...

This sounds suspiciously specific. Has Mrs D guessed your password again?

[Decimus]

2 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

This sounds suspiciously specific. Has Mrs D guessed your password again?

She was solely responsible for all the Decimus profile's output until April 2015 when I took over.

[Stubby Pecker]

Worst of these fuckwits are the Koreans, japs and tiddlywinks. Let's stand by nelsons column and take selfies with simply a block of concrete and stone as the backdrop. I once stood at a viewpoint admiring the Blue Mountains in NSW when a bus load of the yellow peril rocked up to take pictures of their buck toothed wives standing in front of some tasteful railings, never mind the 100s of miles of majestic wilderness below. 

I want them all dead

[camberwell gypsy]

17 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Let's not forget about the true horror that is involved in this nom, when said happy-snappy cunt gets home and decides to regale their nearest and dearest with a pictographical odyssey of their ten days in Benidorm.

Apart from tedious cunts who insist on relaying their dreams to others, there is no worst bore in the world than someone with 267 photographs of a half built water park in some fly-blown Mediterranean shithole who then gleefully tortures their victims for three hours with a preprepared slide show.

Fucking hell decs, you didn't say that at the time. I thought you were genuinely interested in all those pics I took of that bizantine art in Turkey.   And you drank all my Drambuie. Cunt 

[Penny Farthing]

1 hour ago, Wizardsleeve said:

There are certain moments when thick tourists taking shit photos can be quite entertaining.  I offer the beached cetacean types for consideration.  These behemoths have a professional grade Nikon around their multi chinned necks, sweating profusely from the slightest amount of movement, they're gasping for air, and always in search of an unoccupied park bench to rest their stubby bloated legs and let their heart rate drop again.  They always have some enabling cunt near to them saying it would be a lovely time to take a break, and go to the nearest pikey cart vendor for whatever minced roadkill in a casing they can get.  The only decent picture they will ever capture is the one the camera snaps when it hits the ground from the collapse of the blob owner from the massive cardiac event that turns them fifty shades of blue.  

So you've been stalking me again Whizzo?

[Frank]

 

 

[Guest Erroreptile404]

1 hour ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Worst of these fuckwits are the Koreans, japs and tiddlywinks. Let's stand by nelsons column and take selfies with simply a block of concrete and stone as the backdrop. I once stood at a viewpoint admiring the Blue Mountains in NSW when a bus load of the yellow peril rocked up to take pictures of their buck toothed wives standing in front of some tasteful railings, never mind the 100s of miles of majestic wilderness below. 

I want them all dead

Just calling them slopes would suffice. There's an awful lot of them in this country nowadays but hey as long as they aren't harming anyone it's all good yeah? 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

1 hour ago, Slippers said:

So you've been stalking me again Whizzo?

I didn't see any walking frames or Poundland liquidation orthotic shoes, it couldn't have been you.  The stench or recycled Stella in Tena's was everywhere, so it would be impossible to isolate just one individual.  

[Penny Farthing]

Just now, Wizardsleeve said:

I didn't see any walking frames or Poundland liquidation orthotic shoes, it couldn't have been you.  The stench or recycled Stella in Tena's was everywhere, so it would be impossible to isolate just one individual.  

But you were looking for me. That means that you are a stalker.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

3 minutes ago, Slippers said:

But you were looking for me. That means that you are a stalker.

If I were looking for you, Pen, I need look no further than KFC bins after closing.  

[camberwell gypsy]

1 hour ago, Frank said:

 

 

I didn't realise you are only 2'6" tall. If you wear a cycle helmet, can Roops use you as a vibrator? 

[Guest Trumpton Bacon]

11 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

I had you down as part of the Drill music scene. At one point I thought you might even be "Incognito" himself, but apparently not,

I was hoping he might be Rick Genest, I'm celebrating anyway.

[Guest N/A]

20 hours ago, William T.D. Stickers said:

Whenever I end up somewhere with a famous landmark, statute or building, I've very rarely felt the need to take a blurry, poorly lit, portrait orientated iphone photo of it, partially obscured by my finger and someone else's head.

If I did want to get a photo of it, I'd at least want someone I know, or something interesting to be happening around it, as I'm taking it. Why do so many tourists feel so compelled to take a fucking shit, completely generic shot of the Eiffel tower, stars on the Hollywood boulevard or any similar attraction?

No-one ever looks back through these millions of photos that must exist globally, clogging up iclouds and hard drives and desk draws. And if you did want to remember what you saw, you could just google the fucking thing and get a crisp, high definition, well framed shot of it.

Fucking morons.

Well,if you can only take blurred picture with your finger in the way I can only assume that you are a fucking retarded mong.    As for all the famous places you have been to, well that’s limited to the benefits office on the high street, game world, and papa johns, you fucking freak.

We all know your hard drive is clogged with pictures of you wanking furiously over niche pictures, mostly involving Gary Glitter.

Have you still got the crisp, HD picture of a telegraph pole with a greyhound crouched in front having a whirly shit, on your mantlepiece?  That’s the only notable event in your neighborhood to take a photo of.

Shit Nom by the way.  If it involved Japs, Chinks and fucking fat Americans with ridiculous cameras,  I might have applauded this shit fest.  But due to the complete lack of rascist bigotry,  I simply cannot be arsed to like it.

[Penny Farthing]

7 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I didn't realise you are only 2'6" tall. If you wear a cycle helmet, can Roops use you as a vibrator? 

Whizz walked past at 01:00

[Guest N/A]

10 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Worst of these fuckwits are the Koreans, japs and tiddlywinks. Let's stand by nelsons column and take selfies with simply a block of concrete and stone as the backdrop. I once stood at a viewpoint admiring the Blue Mountains in NSW when a bus load of the yellow peril rocked up to take pictures of their buck toothed wives standing in front of some tasteful railings, never mind the 100s of miles of majestic wilderness below. 

I want them all dead

That’s better....someone who knows how to jazz up this shit Nom with some good old foreigner bashing.  Jap cunts.

[Neil]

11 hours ago, Decimus said:

She was solely responsible for all the Decimus profile's output until April 2015 when I took over.

Is that when you had the gender reassignment surgery eh? I fucking knew there was something iffy about you.Were you worth a fuck back in the day?

[Cuntybaws]

2 hours ago, Monumental cunt said:

That’s better....someone who knows how to jazz up this shit Nom with some good old foreigner bashing.  Jap cunts.

They hide their sallow skin and epicanthic folds under sun umbrellas, gay little face masks and sunglasses but, cameras aside, you can still tell it's them by their Pokémon T-shirts, diminutive stature, and lack of external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics.

[Guest Bill Stickers]

2 hours ago, Monumental cunt said:

Well,if you can only take blurred picture with your finger in the way I can only assume that you are a fucking retarded mong.    As for all the famous places you have been to, well that’s limited to the benefits office on the high street, game world, and papa johns, you fucking freak.

We all know your hard drive is clogged with pictures of you wanking furiously over niche pictures, mostly involving Gary Glitter.

Have you still got the crisp, HD picture of a telegraph pole with a greyhound crouched in front having a whirly shit, on your mantlepiece?  That’s the only notable event in your neighborhood to take a photo of.

Shit Nom by the way.  If it involved Japs, Chinks and fucking fat Americans with ridiculous cameras,  I might have applauded this shit fest.  But due to the complete lack of rascist bigotry,  I simply cannot be arsed to like it.

You’re trying far too hard and producing no real end product. All fart and no poo.

[Cuntybaws]

13 hours ago, Decimus said:

She was solely responsible for all the Decimus profile's output until April 2015 when I took over.

Nice try!

 

[Mrs Roops]

11 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I didn't realise you are only 2'6" tall. If you wear a cycle helmet, can Roops use you as a vibrator? 

Not in a way that you could possibly appreciate, fella.

[Guest N/A]

On 8/3/2018 at 12:22 PM, William T.D. Stickers said:

I've lived in London for 4 years and avoid spending time in any part of the city that borders on the river, just so I can avoid all of the above. Fucking wankers.

Yes you stick to the parks after dark don’t you. Much more your scene.

[Guest N/A]

14 hours ago, William T.D. Stickers said:

You’re trying far too hard and producing no real end product. All fart and no poo.

Is that what happens to you after a good hard anal fucking. All fart and no poo?

[Guest judgetwi]

On 8/3/2018 at 12:19 PM, Frank said:

Great subject for a nom but it’s a bit thin, and very poorly executed. Caramelised hot nut vendors, dog shit and those immigrant cup and ball scammers on Westminster bridge is more your forte. 

Would that be the same Westminster Bridge you used to walk across every morning to get to your restaurant Frank? I seem to remember you were Commis Chef, then Head Chef, then owner in the space of about 3 weeks.

I would ask you to amuse us with some more of your pathetic fantasies Frank but I really don’t want to hear about you stealing Neil Armstrong’s identity, and space suit, and being the first wanker to land on the Moon.

Give it a rest for fucks sake.