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Sean Pertwee's narration on 'Masterchef'


Jiggerycock

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Disclaimer - I don't watch this (literal) offal but Mrs Jiggers seems to think it's part of her life-support system, so it floats into my consciousness every so often.

.....and when it does, it's this herbert sounding like he's bringing himself off in the sound booth, about the dishes that have been slung together.

"Jeff has cooked a pithivier of Ceps (it's always fucking 'Ceps') {urgh,urgh}, mung beans in a reduced kangeroo stock Jus {slight squeal like Minnie Ripperton on crack}....a bouquet garni {urgle! urgle!} topped off with a dollop of swan cum, chips, beans and Vimto {name the babies after me-e-e-e-e!}"

That kind of thing.

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5 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

Disclaimer - I don't watch this (literal) offal but Mrs Jiggers seems to think it's part of her life-support system, so it floats into my consciousness every so often.

.....and when it does, it's this herbert sounding like he's bringing himself off in the sound booth, about the dishes that have been slung together.

"Jeff has cooked a pithivier of Ceps (it's always fucking 'Ceps') {urgh,urgh}, mung beans in a reduced kangeroo stock Jus {slight squeal like Minnie Ripperton on crack}....a bouquet garni {urgle! urgle!} topped off with a dollop of swan cum, chips, beans and Vimto {name the babies after me-e-e-e-e!}"

That kind of thing.

Floyd! Floyd! Floyd! Fucking Floyd! Nobody else deserves airtime or don't waste my time on here mate. Fuck off. 

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I caught the first half of MasterChef tonight and they were in a restaurant in Denmark which specialised in using the crap bodyparts that even KFC would bin, you know shit like cows udder, pigs wind-pipe, tongue.....🤮. I was somewhat disappointed they didn't have any cocks or fannies though as I would imagine Sean Pertwee would deliver, "Tom has flambéed a pigs cock with some lambs piss flaps in a squid ink jus", quite expertly.

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11 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

I caught the first half of MasterChef tonight

What the hell are you doing watching that, Big Bollock? After admitting to eating Wetherspoon Christmas dinners, using Cherry Coke as a mixer and having Tesco value baked beans as your avatar... I'm surprised you made it halfway through the programme. Lol. Stupid, drunken idiot. 

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10 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

Disclaimer - I don't watch this (literal) offal but Mrs Jiggers seems to think it's part of her life-support system, so it floats into my consciousness every so often.

.....and when it does, it's this herbert sounding like he's bringing himself off in the sound booth, about the dishes that have been slung together.

"Jeff has cooked a pithivier of Ceps (it's always fucking 'Ceps') {urgh,urgh}, mung beans in a reduced kangeroo stock Jus {slight squeal like Minnie Ripperton on crack}....a bouquet garni {urgle! urgle!} topped off with a dollop of swan cum, chips, beans and Vimto {name the babies after me-e-e-e-e!}"

That kind of thing.

Celebrity Wank Off 

Master Bate 

Can't Cock Won't Cock

The Hairy Fannies food tour of Britain 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
2 minutes ago, entitled little cunt said:

Fucking hell , Blakes 7. I'm more of a UFO fan .Purple wigs , short skirts and fishnet tops that seemed see through but weren't . George Sewell  playing the ladies man , ordering Gabrielle Drake to make a coffee and surreal  story lines that sort of made sense at the time. 

Ah, but UFO didn’t have Jacqueline Pearce as ‘Servalan’. 
 
 

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56 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Ah, but UFO didn’t have Jacqueline Pearce as ‘Servalan’. 
 
 

I'd rather neglected this thread on the Festive Corner and am not surprised it's turned to the subject of UFOs and pulp Science Fiction. As my old Grandma used to say when she was fostering Shirley Ghostman - it's a load of bollocks, but just in case, I'm locking you under the stairs in the cupboard while I go down the pub and get pissed out of my head. 

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