Jam as in conserve

[entitled little cunt]

Bought some strawberry  jam .Couldn't stretch to that french named  stuff at 3.35 a jar so bought Hartleys.The top is stamped declaring  with pride "Made with real fruit". As opposed to what I wonder?. You're in trouble when a jar of jam makes you realise the world has taken a rather sinister turn into the dark perverse cul de sac and recesses of corporate fuckwittery to such an extent I need to be reassured strawberry jam contains FUCKING STRAWBERRIES. The world need a Dr.Zeus cat in the hat reset back to simplicity  or maybe I should have just bought the  Bon Mamom stuff.

 

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

elc, don't buy any of that french shite... Buy Tiptree jam if possible, anyways as you're clearly struggling with the cost of living have you thought about making your own?

Let me give you my recipe for daft cunt Jam...

Two bags of cheap white sugar, one bag of frozen fruit (whatever fruit you want). 

You simply boil the fruit and sugar until at least 100 degrees Celsius, pour it over you head and then kill yourself. 

Let me know how you get on. Merry Christmas. 

 

[entitled little cunt]

Thanks for the tip , I'll  let you know how I get on or not as the case maybe .Happy Christmas .

[Penny Farthing]

3 hours ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

elc, don't buy any of that french shite... Buy Tiptree jam if possible, anyways as you're clearly struggling with the cost of living have you thought about making your own?

Let me give you my recipe for daft cunt Jam...

Two bags of cheap white sugar, one bag of frozen fruit (whatever fruit you want). 

You simply boil the fruit and sugar until at least 100 degrees Celsius, pour it over you head and then kill yourself. 

Let me know how you get on. Merry Christmas. 

 

Is that what happened to @Wolfie?

[ChildeHarold]

9 hours ago, entitled little cunt said:

Bought some strawberry  jam .Couldn't stretch to that french named  stuff at 3.35 a jar so bought Hartleys.The top is stamped declaring  with pride "Made with real fruit". As opposed to what I wonder?. You're in trouble when a jar of jam makes you realise the world has taken a rather sinister turn into the dark perverse cul de sac and recesses of corporate fuckwittery to such an extent I need to be reassured strawberry jam contains FUCKING STRAWBERRIES. The world need a Dr.Zeus cat in the hat reset back to simplicity  or maybe I should have just bought the  Bon Mamom stuff.

 

The French stuff in a tall jar is a rip off because you can't get at the last scrapings at the bottom with a knife. I thought it was posh but it's like some French stuff just a pain the arse. I have nothing to add about jam cos I don't like it. I was talking about marmalade. If you get marmalade get thick cut with nice big pieces of rind. Similarly with other types if you can't see bits of fruit in it don't bother. I sometimes spend ten minutes going through a shelf of blue cheese trying to find the piece with the most blue bits in it causing a backup. I also commandeer the large egg dispenser methodically hunting down the tray with the biggest size eggs. 

Even then I am not satisfied until I knock a glass bottle of juice off the shelf and say sorry to a member of staff when I report it. 

My loyalty card has been revoked and the security guard at the door regards me as Gangster No 1.

[and]

20 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

My loyalty card has been revoked and the security guard at the door regards me as Gangster No 1.

Is it 'cause you is black? ♠️

[Mike Hunt]

21 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

The French stuff in a tall jar is a rip off because you can't get at the last scrapings at the bottom with a knife.

Sun Pat peanut butter! I even wrote to them asking why they make it nigh on impossible to get a knife/spoon/anything into the curved bits and why it's shaped like it is.  Their answer? "It's shaped like a peanut".  I couldn't give a shit if it's shaped like a cock as long as I can get the effing contents out.

[ChildeHarold]

5 minutes ago, Mike Hunt said:

Sun Pat peanut butter! I even wrote to them asking why they make it nigh on impossible to get a knife/spoon/anything into the curved bits and why it's shaped like it is.  Their answer? "It's shaped like a peanut".  I couldn't give a shit if it's shaped like a cock as long as I can get the effing contents out.

One day we will grow those ant eater snouts with long tongues. Some cunts already have them. But antisemitism is a different subject. 

[entitled little cunt]

On 22/12/2023 at 19:59, ChildeHarold said:

The French stuff in a tall jar is a rip off because you can't get at the last scrapings at the bottom with a knife. I thought it was posh but it's like some French stuff just a pain the arse. I have nothing to add about jam cos I don't like it. I was talking about marmalade. If you get marmalade get thick cut with nice big pieces of rind. Similarly with other types if you can't see bits of fruit in it don't bother. I sometimes spend ten minutes going through a shelf of blue cheese trying to find the piece with the most blue bits in it causing a backup. I also commandeer the large egg dispenser methodically hunting down the tray with the biggest size eggs. 

Even then I am not satisfied until I knock a glass bottle of juice off the shelf and say sorry to a member of staff when I report it. 

My loyalty card has been revoked and the security guard at the door regards me as Gangster No 1.

Your small fry compared to co-op gangster customers in Hackney.They bring a whole new meaning to "self service  area " Free Christmas Dinner and a Banksey on the wall  to admire. 

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

On 22/12/2023 at 19:59, ChildeHarold said:

I was talking about marmalade.

Reported for thread derailment. 

[Eric Cuntman]

3 hours ago, Mike Hunt said:

Sun Pat peanut butter! I even wrote to them asking why they make it nigh on impossible to get a knife/spoon/anything into the curved bits and why it's shaped like it is.  Their answer? "It's shaped like a peanut".  I couldn't give a shit if it's shaped like a cock as long as I can get the effing contents out.

And whisky bottles should have wider openings so you can piss in the empty ones when you’re drink-driving without having to pull over.

[ChildeHarold]

53 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Reported for thread derailment. 

Just a Minute! Hesitation, Deviation, Penetration - "with two fingers apparently. 50 years ago. Oh I forgot all about it, then I saw the News." SOMEBODY'S got a whiff of the gravy train. Do you think the charges against Depardieu will stand? 😢 

This crazy world. 

[ChildeHarold]

1 hour ago, entitled little cunt said:

Your small fry compared to co-op gangster customers in Hackney.They bring a whole new meaning to "self service  area " Free Christmas Dinner and a Banksey on the wall  to admire. 

Common as..... so they say. By the way I need some advice about a problem I've got. Do you think I would be overdoing it if I cooked two of those frozen £2 all-in-one chicken dinners on the big day and pretended it was a traditional turkey 🦃 Christmas dinner? I think I could get away with just one per person and a few extra oven chips. 

[Eric Cuntman]

21 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

Common as..... so they say. By the way I need some advice about a problem I've got. Do you think I would be overdoing it if I cooked two of those frozen £2 all-in-one chicken dinners on the big day and pretended it was a traditional turkey 🦃 Christmas dinner? I think I could get away with just one per person and a few extra oven chips. 

A chicken pot noodle with some paxo dust sprinkled in it would be lovely.

[ChildeHarold]

11 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

A chicken pot noodle with some paxo dust sprinkled in it would be lovely.

That would be a sort of chinky taste though. I wonder what Charles's plate looks like after he does that fucking speech which this year he can't pad out with 5 minutes about mummy and will have to talk about something else, hopefully NOT the Commonwealth. 

[Penny Farthing]

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

A chicken pot noodle with some paxo dust sprinkled in it would be lovely.

How about Quincy Jam?

[entitled little cunt]

I spent most of the festive period asking the long haired hippy omnipresent one who died because I'm a filthy no good sinner if he could be good enough to turn water into wine .The cunt ignored me completely. I had to find a convenience store that was open  , step over the demitreous  of druggies  and Alkies to buy a bottle of red .I passed by the windows of  the great and not so good, illuminated in a homely golden glow .Behind the glass ,   extended  family togetherness and joviality masked with a  sinister intent to bludgeon to death and escape to the Carpathian mountain area never to be seen or  heard of again.Only 364 days to go till the next one .

 

[Dyslexic cnut]

14 hours ago, entitled little cunt said:

I spent most of the festive period asking the long haired hippy omnipresent one who died because I'm a filthy no good sinner if he could be good enough to turn water into wine .The cunt ignored me completely. I had to find a convenience store that was open  , step over the demitreous  of druggies  and Alkies to buy a bottle of red .I passed by the windows of  the great and not so good, illuminated in a homely golden glow .Behind the glass ,   extended  family togetherness and joviality masked with a  sinister intent to bludgeon to death and escape to the Carpathian mountain area never to be seen or  heard of again.Only 364 days to go till the next one .

 

Whereabouts in Greece are you, ELC? Dense cunt.

[and]

On 24/12/2023 at 20:27, Penny Farthing said:

How about Quincy Jam?

Is that a Jack Klugman/Soylent Green reference?

[Eric Cuntman]

2 hours ago, and said:

Is that a Jack Klugman/Soylent Green reference?

Jack Klugman was about as Jewish as it gets. Not only was he the highest paid TV actor at the time, but also cashing in with product placement 30 years before ‘product placement’ was a thing.

 If you watch the credits to Quincy ME, you’ll see:

”Mr Klugman’s jackets supplied by Botany 500.”

[and]

On 28/12/2023 at 15:42, Eric Cuntman said:

Jack Klugman was about as Jewish as it gets. Not only was he the highest paid TV actor at the time, but also cashing in with product placement 30 years before ‘product placement’ was a thing.

 If you watch the credits to Quincy ME, you’ll see:

”Mr Klugman’s jackets supplied by Botany 500.”

As was slap-headed detective Theo Kojak's.

[and]

On 23/12/2023 at 21:07, Eric Cuntman said:

And whisky bottles should have wider openings so you can piss in the empty ones when you’re drink-driving without having to pull over.

If your cock wasn't so fuckin' big you wouldn't have a problem, I do ok with a Prosecco bottle 😉

[Eric Cuntman]

2 hours ago, and said:

As was slap-headed detective Theo Kojak's.

I’d never even heard of them. Grandad coats.

[ChildeHarold]

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I’d never even heard of them. Grandad coats.

I suppose they got a lifetime supply of coats. I do know he always had Buick Century cars in the shows. 

[and]

14 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I’d never even heard of them. Grandad coats.

Lovely schmutter, keep you toasty in winter. 🧥🥼