Wolfie

8 hours ago, Eddie said:

Any flash coon worth his gold chain has a spare when the electric is off, eat shit.

https://ibb.co/Ry3gx6T

 

Unlike olive coon @Frank, you don't strike me as the type who inherits wealth Ed; a badboy-dun-good grafter, if you will.

But I think you'll agree driving that thing in a pair of old Loake brogues is a bit like decanting a bottle of 2012 reserve Chateauneuf du Wank into a £5.99 set of Tesco wine glasses.

So how much is daily hire on such a beast, including insurance?

5 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Gaylords.

Didn't you receive a couple from Pen, Billy?

4 hours ago, entitled little cunt said:

You just know they were driving like a cunt .

If anyone is planning on submitting the most shit nom possible, which looks as though it's been put together by a teenage chav plagued with learning difficulties who's recently passed his or her driving test, then this surely provides the ideal template.

25 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Nope

 

So how would you rate yourself on a scale of 1-10, Gyps? For instance, Claudia Schiffer 10/10, Sarah Greene 8/10, Liza Tarbuck 6/10, Ann Widdecombe 1/10... ok, 2.

On 20/01/2024 at 17:03, Basil Brush said:

I see Israel has just launched a strike on Iran, wiping out some of thier military top brass. Come on you silly towelheads, what are you going to do about it? You want the juden walking all over you, do you?

Velkom to ze club, Herr Brusch.

4 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

All these surviving royal families operate a slick PR operation to exploiting elements of glamour, gossip. As far as I can see they've benefited from the feminisation of society as its women who are the main supporters for keeping it. That Princess Beatrice in Spain is regarded as the next in line despite the constitution having a strict male only line of succession so how does that work? Are they going to wait until the last minute then do a bit of jiggery with the laws? Getting rid of the monarchy and the Lords would be the best things this country could do right now in order to progress because it seems to me the UK has been in a rut for many generations. 

You're the biggest small-talk chatterbollocks bellend this hole has ever seen.

For the love of Christ H, please just shut the fuck up.

On 18/01/2024 at 19:49, camberwell gypsy said:

As my old grandad used to say "you don't look at the mantel piece when you're stoking the fire"

Soppy auld bastard 

Is this what the old boy used to say to your boyfriend at the time, when discussing your generally convivial personality?

On 17/01/2024 at 19:17, Decimus said:

I can tell you this for free, I've really enjoyed my time more on here recently since I blocked them. Having to read through page after page of their monotonous, repetitive, obsessive drivel was ruining the experience for me.

You know me, Raas, I love a feud and acrimony. But when your opponents aren't worthy what's the point in carrying it on when you trounce them time after time? 

I know I've said it before, but try out doing the same. I guarantee you that within a couple of days of not logging on to see hundreds of dog shit (lol) comments clogging up your notifications, you'll start to enjoy yourself more. Reading through some funny abuse is one thing, but having your time wasted with bollocks like "poodle dictionary boy" and "dickless is going to be eaten by sharks" is another. If I wanted to verbally beat up the mentally retarded without them ever realistically challenging me, I'd go and scream obscenities at the employees of the local Remploy factory.

Right, I've blocked Arseholes & Pen. It's been ages since I've done this, Bernie shovel-hands being the last. The first thing on the activity list I saw was 'wolfie' via Rabbi Shit. Fixated. His palling up with Pen is similar to watching two teenage mental patients assisting one another, like two 'weirdo' outcasts in the school playground with nowhere to go. I'm looking forward to my notifications being free from this obsessive, useless pair of cunts.    

7 hours ago, Greg said:

WW3 not far away now. It behoves the cunts on this forum to put their cards on the table. Who's up for it against the commies,/yellow peril/sand-niggers/argies/dagos/frenchies etc. etc.? When Old Blighty comes calling, I for one will be there. For sure, @Old Chap Raasclaat will, as he is already increasingly belligerent & @ChildeHarold is already oiling his old service revolver. Time to come together lads, & shove one up johnny foreigner.

You absolute fucking tool.

9 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Much amusement Down Under at this story and the fawning coverage in the British press. So Chuck needs a re-bore? So what? The very idea that armies of elderly men will go battering down the doors of their GP this morning demanding a PSA and a finger up the ring in case they have the royal affliction too is making many of us giggle. 

Prince William is of course no stranger to a thorough prostate exam himself, allegedly. I’m sure he’ll find time for another one while Katie recuperates. 

He'll be keen for a second opinion when she returns. 

3 hours ago, Frank said:

 

https://ibb.co/PtZYHBR

Presumably the old trout with the pink hair and accompanying bit of haddock didn't see you oddly place your glasses at the corner of your table, and then take a photo of them facing back at yourself, yes?

If you're too nom-shy, Frank, then at least meet us halfway and give us a fucking video.    

On 19/01/2024 at 09:14, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

I had prostate examination after turning 40 a few years or so ago, I would piss and then stop, piss and then stop so thought I'd get it checked out. I think it was the regular partying and intake of a certain white substance that caused the issue. Anyways, went to see the middle aged female Doctor who I am sure enjoyed the procedure and most likely tried to get a look at my schlong. I imagine @Mrs Roops is getting a bit moist reading this so I'll move on... I'd advise all blokes (and Pen) to get themselves checked out. You also need to get as much spunk as possible out of your balls as well, even if this means getting a side bitch, don't worry the wife/girlfriend will understand as if they love you they'd want you to live for as long as they do anyways... if not they are simply being selfish and most likely want you dead so they get the house and money. 

What a world we live in eh. 

 

 

She's probably reading this on a Boeing 737, sitting in a moist, fanny-battered economy class seat, en route to Turkey, Dubai or India to "clean up a mess caused by an idiot CEO" while sipping on a glass of prosecco.

6 hours ago, ChildeHarold said:

 

More of the same please Harold.

13 hours ago, Decimus said:

I understand where you're coming from, I find her thick as fucking pig shit act quite endearing.

She comes across like that slag everyone went to school with, you know the type. Massive rack but a rough boat race, which you don't necessarily mind because she dishes out hand jobs with the blasé attitude, frequency and experience of a Victorian, tuppeny fucking whore.

Saying that, what do I know? I'm on record as stating I'd fuck Liz Truss.

Frank probably thought the same about Kwasi Kwarteng. I shouldn't feel too embarrassed.

30 minutes ago, and said:

Apparently, the woman he now lives with has been inviting her friends over when he was out at the pub and, because woman talk forever, they've very rarely left his flat by the time he returns, he's getting very pissed-up and very pissed off.
I told him he'd be better off dumping the slag, he said he'd like to but "The sex is so good".
As he walked to the stairs I said "By the way, that quote is from Sartre".
He said " I know, I was testing you".
Fuckin' pussy-whipped, faux-intellectual, smug cunt!
 

'Me Tarzan, you Jane'.

You're the only dickhead here whose posts I highlight in red, because of the idiot bold font used in every comment.

23 hours ago, Decimus said:

Fucking Hell, Aitch, I've suspected it for a while but this has confirmed it. 

You're Nadine Dorries, aren't you?

 

I'd still fuck her after a few beers, providing my memory of it could be erased. 1.08sec is priceless, in a kind of semi-thick & naive Gyppo sort of way, credulous but with a willing heart.

11 hours ago, Ape™️ said:

I’m deeply sorry. In my defence, my comment was aimed more at the mindless idiocy of the nomination itself, and its author. 

I make myself sick.
 

You've apologised to the biggest hoodwinking wanker this place is ever likely to see. A serious subject met with a magnanimous expression of regret. Pure class.

Fuck off Drew in advance, you unemployable, drunken little toad.

45 minutes ago, Penny Farthing said:

So far as I am aware @Ape™️ does not have any goats and he does seem to have apologised to @Witheredscrote who is now the best on here .. I will be having an injection in my left later. Having the injection is a cunt although the fact that it does help retain the sight in my left eye is not a cunt.

Testicle?

5 hours ago, Frank said:

 

https://ibb.co/7grHm0b

Wishing you a belated happy & Aids-free 2024, F. Mrs W kindly got me a pair of Red Wing moc toes for Crimpo, something I've wanted for a while but unsure about sizing. Anyway, not only do they make this old man feel as cool as fuck... they fit! They are however killing my feet/ankles, which, from reading reviews, is fairly common before they loosen.

As you're the footwear maestro, I'm enquiring whether you have experience of breaking a pair in? What about your BF or hubby – has either undergone the rigmarole of getting used to such a pair of metaphoric tanks? Thanks in advance wanker.

11 hours ago, southerncunt said:

A trifle abridged @Wolfie but some very basic content there. Not sure @Cuntybaws could tolerate the place, given his long standing views on shackle draggers, but we’re not all like that, obviously. I take my staffie to the off lead park every morning and most of the time end up speaking shit with a bloke from Orkney who moved out here, while my dog kicks the shit out of his golden retriever. If either of you ever find yourselves in my neck of the woods shoot me a pm. Not that it’s likely, but the offer is there.

That's a very generous offer SC – which is obviously reciprocated if ever you fancy a trip to England's West Country. We live in a work-in-progress old cottage, so a summer vacation would suit best. (We do have a woodburner!)

LCS will probably have a field day when I say this, but you've got a good life there. I took some time out from my studies and spent a little over nine months working on a farm near Sydney. The heat was a little too much at times, and the majority of my loved ones are in the UK, which is why I never jumped ship – though it was a consideration at the time. As I've said before, travel is a great antidote to feeling dispirited about one's own backyard, and I'm sure it's the same for you guys.

19 hours ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

He certainly is, Basil. In my time here I've witnessed him receive many a hiding and I've also given the wrong'un many a kick up bollocks as well. 

All of of this treatment (which he's brought on himself) and sniffing dog shit has clearly had a negative effect on him. The man is a total mess and flipped ages ago and is now reduced to mentioning 3-4 members in literally every post. 

You could ask the daft cunt what colour shit is and he'd find a way of having a lame dig at one of us, totally oblivious to his rejection and obsession issues. 

I ignore the cunt.

 

20 hours ago, Basil Brush said:

Good god man, you're obsessed! Have a holiday for christsake.

Basil only joined on Sunday Raas, and it seems he's already sussed the weird kike cunt out. While I'm liking the cut of your jib, Basil, for Gawd's sake get yourself an avatar! Actually, there's someone here who's something of an expert when it comes to changing avatars...

23 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

Hey, fuck off Wolfie, can't you see I'm grooming him? I fancy diving the Great Barrier Reef and the South Pacific next year, and I'll need somewhere to stay for a few months between trips.

22 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I’m the wrong side of the continent for either of these destinations (unlike @southerncunt) and my pool house makes the local Ritz-Carlton look cheap. 

Here you go Bores. It appears you hadn't worked out that LCS resides in Perth ("Western ‘Straya"), like 99% of the rest of the puntership, which is on the Indian Ocean, so I thought this gentle little geography tutorial might come in handy while planning your trip to the Great Barrier Reef and South Pacific:

30 minutes ago, Basil Brush said:

How would you know this? Are you are stalker?

Lol. You're not too far from the truth, BB. He stalks not only me but also a couple of other punters, chiefly Decs and Raas. You'll find out soon enough, but he's got a fascination for all types of shit – especially dogshit. You've been forewarned.

2 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

There’s a Cunt of an event on my horizon. As with all immigrants, celebrating the cultural traditions of your lands of origin becomes hugely important. Hence it is no surprise that the local contingent of porridge-wallah refugees from the land of heroin, rain and sectarian violence have taken over the local community hall next Thursday, intent on bedecking it with tartan and serving the assembled guests cullen skink, multi-offal with root vegetables and Bells-infused trifle. Some idiot in the full tribal dress is going to bellow Ayrshire incantations at us all then deafen us with a demented pipe rendition of Down Under by Men at Work. Then, after we are all stuffed and half cut, comes the deranged Ceilidh band with lots of twirling round and round, presumably till we vomit all over each other. 

Of course, I could refuse to go. In previous years I’ve a holiday, Covid or surgery recovery to hide behind. Not this year. My idiot but endearingly keen wife has signed us both up with a party of our Caledonian friends. She has neglected to consider the current weather over here is touching 38 degrees and jigging about in black tie is almost certain to cause issues. The food and whisky I don’t mind, and the banter is usually strong, but the dancing can get to fuck. The only saving grace is that given the following day is the Australia Day public holiday, the whole neighbourhood will stay in bed until 5pm nursing our hangovers. 

I’d be interested in any collective advice on how I can best turn up, eat and drink my fill, then fuck off before the mass embarrassment starts. Some of you must have some original excuses I can nick?

Anyway, this Cunt of a thing will ruin my mood for a full week and I’m not too proud to share my annoyance. 

Well, if I was being really pedantic, I'd suggest this is a feeble attempt to free yourself of your blatant subserviency and ass-kissing of Cuntybores. You can have a like for empathy, however, as I've been in similar situations brought about by the missus – just recently at Christmas.

But 38C, really? Hardly a metaphor for the Caledonian spirit.

23 hours ago, clit licker said:

I'd still like to face fuck the cunt after my tools been up her rectum 

Welcome, Charles Saatchi.