Cunty BigBollox

My postman won't. He's brown.

I haven't purchased one for ages, scratchcard or a mortgage, and I've told the corner before that the only mortgage that is in my name is being paid for by tenants. There just seems to be a shitload of disposable money floating around even though cunts want the rest of the country to feed their kids. Gamble Responsibly; Drink Responsibly; Hands, Face, Space; You've got to be in it to win it; fuck you shit cunts.

Fucking shit cunts Camelot and this fucking Euromillions draw bollox had better get knocked on the head come January 1st when we exit from the shit-fest that is the EU. The jackpot on Friday was £180.8 million so fuck knows what the total prize fund was. Take into account the % taken off by retailers and those cunts Camelot themselves and I reckon the UK public must have paid around £50 million into this, and what did the UK get out?, £4.387 million or minus 90% return. Sounds just like the fucking EU doesn't it. If the UK public had any sense those Camelot cunts would have gone bankrupt by now as everyone flocked to the Health Lottery or somebody like Dick Branson or Mike Ashley, as much as I think you're cunts, get some fucking competition in for these Camelot cunts.

Neil: "Fuck me Liam." Liam: "No thanks Neil, but I appreciate the offer, but I'm busy fucking my career."

Idiot

"This season I will be mostly wearing H&M skinny fit jeans"

Bronze isn't though is it. She's going to look like the rest of the half castes in Kesteven.

She was never 10ft tall, and I wonder if it'll be anatomically correct with a cock and balls.

It was inevitable that the expert on arses would be the first to respond to this nom.

There's really only one logical response to that., What the fuck are you on about now you stupid cunt?

I was hoping it would be cervical cancer instead, that's what usually finishes cunts off.

Don't turn this round as a dig at Frank FFS, I think it's in breach of one of them rules I've never read.

What a fucking result for us bog dwellers in Norfolk Dex. Safer roads in North Norfolk this year all thanks to Queenie, and more importantly that useless fucking cunt of a husband, Prince Philip not coming to Sandringham for Christmas this year. 2020 is looking up again.

This encyclopedic knowledge of Star Wars characters leads me to think you may have encountered Katana Keith in real life at some dubious comic-con.

A Ronseal dark teak stained plank of wood. It does what it says on the skin, I meant tin. Fuck.

When I go to a bar I order my scotch with coke not a fucking egg.

Fuck off.

Could it be just that your postie also thinks you're an annoying cunt and does things like this to purposely frustrate you. I would.

About fucking time. Wait until the chavs of the general public realise the money spent on 'Scrotes neighbours to do the job properly rather than just shrug their shoulders and tut, could have been spent giving their kids free food so they had more to spend on booze and fags, there will be fucking uproar.

I think you find that they actually say "turned 'A'round", not turned round. What are they Barbapapa or something?

I assure you that this will be as secure and transparent as the recent US presidential election.

Funnily enough the reason Wales went into full lockdown was because of the native Welsh speakers where just simple words results in a phlegmy soaking for the listener.

Was your 'granny' Rod Hull by any chance?

Great. What's the address where I can cave your stupid fucking skull in?, sorry, i meant collect the sausages?

They look like they just stepped out of a charity shop after a bomb had gone off.