Unfunny fuckers

[Jiggerycock]

Difficult to know how to give a pithy, yet illuminating title to this nom, but basically it covers this:

Fly on the wall documentaries - 24 Hours in A&E...the Ambulance thingy....that call centre thingy - and the participants go all 'David Brent', mugging for the cameras, doing a little song and dance number and generally treating it like Simon Cowell is watching and will go "Get me his / her phone number pronto baby (channelling his inner Panzerknacker, clearly). (S)he's what the world is waiting for!"

You're not Frank Sinatra! You're not even Limahl! And (I can't stress this firmly enough) you are not even remotely funny.

You're a deeply deluded and sad individual who will go home, make a microwave meal for one and sob themselves to sleep, listening to late-night Melody Radio, with only your 'You don't have to be mad to work here - but it helps' poster for company.

[Decimus]

Whilst I agree that any reality TV spastic that laughs maniacally at their own '70's time warp humour (I'm looking at every disgusting fat slob on Gogglebox) needs an immediate shivving in the throat, it's the cry-baby sob story peddlars that are the real villains of the piece.

The sort of cunt so desperate to win that they immediately begin an hour long dirge about how their child has got leukaemia and immediately wheel the half-dead little cunt out onto a stage, drip and all, to be gawped at by a garrulous mob of brain dead fucking simpletons. To top it all off, the viewer then has to contend with a generic format of Ant/Dec/Schofield/token black staring mournfully at the camera like a puppy that's been caught shitting on the kitchen floor.

[Guest Ollyboro]

(Hope you're reading this, Frank)

Unfortunately these type of programmes do throw up "naturals in front of the camera". Often as camp as a vaseline covered Christmas tree, these Colin Hunt types know they'll be able to get a few years opening hair salons etc on the back of their wackiness, and gain themselves recognition from the chronically dim cunts who enjoy watching parking wardens and easy jet poofs go about their hi-vis day. 

Apologies for bringing nocunts favourite Colin Hunt- ie Frank- and allusions to Tom poofery into your thread, Jigs, but for once I think it relevant.

[Penny Farthing]

You forgot the work "funky".

[Decimus]

2 minutes ago, The Bishop of Phlegm said:

You forgot the work "funky".

The irony of you appearing on a thread titled 'Unfunny Fuckers' is certainly not lost on me.

Now all we need is for Withers to turn up and bang on incessantly about beans whilst Frank posts another video of himself looking like a complete cunt in a pair of £500 slippers.

[Penny Farthing]

2 minutes ago, Decimus said:

The irony of you appearing on a thread titled 'Unfunny Fuckers' is certainly not lost on me.

Now all we need is for Withers to turn up and bang on incessantly about beans whilst Frank posts another video of himself looking like a complete cunt in a pair of £500 slippers.

The irony is that I know that my humour is "cosmic" whereas your's is more "forest of Dean", have you got into bed with the "scientist"?

[Stubby Pecker]

2 hours ago, Ollyboro said:

(Hope you're reading this, Frank)

Unfortunately these type of programmes do throw up "naturals in front of the camera". Often as camp as a vaseline covered Christmas tree, these Colin Hunt types know they'll be able to get a few years opening hair salons etc on the back of their wackiness, and gain themselves recognition from the chronically dim cunts who enjoy watching parking wardens and easy jet poofs go about their hi-vis day. 

Apologies for bringing nocunts favourite Colin Hunt- ie Frank- and allusions to Tom poofery into your thread, Jigs, but for once I think it relevant.

The holiday period in the ollymong household is going to be a memorable one for all the wrong reasons it seems...

[Eric Cuntman]

5 hours ago, Decimus said:

The irony of you appearing on a thread titled 'Unfunny Fuckers' is certainly not lost on me.

Now all we need is for Withers to turn up and bang on incessantly about beans whilst Frank posts another video of himself looking like a complete cunt in a pair of £500 slippers.

You fucking cunt. I did the John Lobb slippers joke 2 weeks ago, now you've nicked it and got 3 likes. 

Next time he posts a sartorialist picture, don't caption it..

'Sonny Crockett, the autumn years'

That one's fucking copyrighted.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

14 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You fucking cunt. I did the John Lobb slippers joke 2 weeks ago, now you've nicked it and got 3 likes. 

Next time he posts a sartorialist picture, don't caption it..

'Sonny Crockett, the autumn years'

That one's fucking copyrighted.

The leaderboard is rigged Eric.  You and LCS each gave me a like on two separate topics yet my overall count went DOWN by one!  

I want it gone.  

Not that I actually care, but if it's going to be shit, then what's the point?  

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, Wizardsleeve said:

The leaderboard is rigged Eric.  You and LCS each gave me a like on two separate topics yet my overall count went DOWN by one!  

I want it gone.  

Not that I actually care, but if it's going to be shit, then what's the point?  

It's a rolling 7 day total. If you got 3 likes last Tuesday at 6 o'clock, they will drop off your total at 6 o'clock this evening. It's fucking heartbreaking if you had a belting Friday night and picked up twelve of them within an hour, and having to watch them disappear a week later.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It's a rolling 7 day total. If you got 3 likes last Tuesday at 6 o'clock, they will drop off your total at 6 o'clock this evening. It's fucking heartbreaking if you had a belting Friday night and picked up twelve of them within an hour, and having to watch them disappear a week later.

Shows what I know about the cunting thing, and why I have no place on it!  I know if I were to ask there would be SOME spacky reason why it couldn't be done, but I'd divide all my likes between you, Decs, Roadie, Eavens and Stubbs.  

[Jiggerycock]

3 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It's a rolling 7 day total. If you got 3 likes last Tuesday at 6 o'clock, they will drop off your total at 6 o'clock this evening. It's fucking heartbreaking if you had a belting Friday night and picked up twelve of them within an hour, and having to watch them disappear a week later.

It's even more heartbreaking if you care about, or judge your personal worth by, such ephemeral nonsense

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

Just now, Jiggerycock said:

It's even more heartbreaking if you care about, or judge your personal worth by, such ephemeral nonsense

Have a like Jiggers!  

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, Jiggerycock said:

It's even more heartbreaking if you care about, or judge your personal worth by, such ephemeral nonsense

It's like the Nexus, from Star Trek Generations, once you've been there, all you can think of is getting back. Ask @Decimus, or Whoopi Goldberg.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

14 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It's like the Nexus, from Star Trek Generations, once you've been there, all you can think of is getting back. Ask @Decimus, or Whoopi Goldberg.

The only problem with that is that in the Nexus, all things are happy, no pressure, no reality.  On the leaderboard it's all pressure to stay at the top, and you always have a target on your back.  

I won't bother to mention the deluded fucking cunt who thinks he's the best on here but hasn't been on it in ages.  

[Cuntybaws]

58 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It's a rolling 7 day total. If you got 3 likes last Tuesday at 6 o'clock, they will drop off your total at 6 o'clock this evening. It's fucking heartbreaking if you had a belting Friday night and picked up twelve of them within an hour, and having to watch them disappear a week later.

Normally if anyone used the phrase "first world problems" I'd kick their fucking cunts in, but I can't really think of a better way to put it so I'll let myself off just this once.

[Decimus]

13 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Normally if anyone used the phrase "first world problems" I'd kick their fucking cunts in, but I can't really think of a better way to put it so I'll let myself off just this once.

"I got 99 problems but my like-to-post ratio ain't one"

[Frank]

7 hours ago, Decimus said:

The irony of you appearing on a thread titled 'Unfunny Fuckers' is certainly not lost on me.

Now all we need is for Withers to turn up and bang on incessantly about beans whilst Frank posts another video of himself looking like a complete cunt in a pair of £500 slippers.

£675. Edward Green. 

[Decimus]

Just now, Frank said:

£675. Edward Green. 

Withers included me in a snivelling PM to Roops and Proper asking for his account to be deleted after his libellous post about my wife was deleted.

What do you think about that?

[Frank]

2 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said:

The leaderboard is rigged Eric.  You and LCS each gave me a like on two separate topics yet my overall count went DOWN by one!  

I want it gone.  

Not that I actually care, but if it's going to be shit, then what's the point?  

Of course you care, you creepy little excitable ponce. Your first appearance on the leaderboard after more than six years, and you're knocking out shit like there’s no tomorrow. 

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

Just now, Frank said:

Of course you care, you creepy little excitable ponce. Your first appearance on the leaderboard after more than six years, and you're knocking out shit like there’s no tomorrow. 

Speaking or unfunny, tiresome cunts, Pen first then you!

You forgot your usual proclamation of self greatness.

Fuck off you insipid squirming maggot.  

[Frank]

8 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Withers included me in a snivelling PM to Roops and Proper asking for his account to be deleted after his libellous post about my wife was deleted.

What do you think about that?

I’m not interested. I’m standing in the rain outside the Natural History Museum watching a black man in a Santa suit on ice. 

[Decimus]

8 minutes ago, Frank said:

I’m not interested. I’m standing in the rain outside the Natural History Museum watching a black man in a Santa suit on ice. 

I'm sat in my mistress's PCH Ford Focus car at Sheringham Tescos.

She's gone in to buy me southern fried chicken mini fillets and sweet potato fries, plus a mini bottle of own brand sauvignon blanc.

I won't go in with her partly because I can't risk being seen by anyone, but mainly because she looks a bit like Cathy Tyson and I refuse to be seen in public with it.

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

8 minutes ago, Frank said:

I’m not interested. I’m standing in the rain outside the Natural History Museum watching a black man in a Santa suit on ice. 

Please look up towards the sky with your gob agape, and take as much rainwater into your lungs as possible.

[ratcum]

7 minutes ago, Frank said:

I’m not interested. I’m standing in the rain outside the Natural History Museum watching a black man in a Santa suit on ice. 

you're finished Twirly.

Stream your own demise tonight and retain at least some dignity.

Bushido rules eh?