Guest judgetwi Posted September 3, 2014 Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 Now here's something that fucking winds me up. When i was a kid you had proper solid valves. You screwed the nozzle thing on it and pumped it up no problem. Oh no, we can't have that. You have to apply the pump directly on it or slip some plastic fucking thing on it which is guaranteed to fuck up because it is a flimsy fucking piece of shit! Now bung me 6.50 for a new tube you muggy cunt. Here's another thing--how come i get so many more punctures now than when i was a kid? People keep telling me this is a myth. Apparently i just imagine that everything was better in the "old days". I say fuck off and i say bollocks. I say tyres and tubes are specifically designed to fuck up so we have to keep sticking our hands into our pockets. It's a fucking conspiracy i tell you!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 it's no conspiracy. Computers aren't obsolete the moment you take it off the store shelf for nothing. Cars aren't depreciated the moment it leaves the dealer by accident. Companies make shittier products, because we have been duped into believing keeping China rich is good for our pocketbooks. Best get used to taking it up the arse, it's how business is done, you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Do microsoft make inner tubes for bicycles? They're the biggest fucking rip off cunts for continuously producing things that are progressively worse than the last. Just copy Apple again you bunch of fucking cunts. Fuck the ice bucket challenge - I nominate Bill Gates for the sulphuric acid bucket challenge! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Do microsoft make inner tubes for bicycles? They're the biggest fucking rip off cunts for continuously producing things that are progressively worse than the last. Just copy Apple again you bunch of fucking cunts. Fuck the ice bucket challenge - I nominate Bill Gates for the sulphuric acid bucket challenge! Yes, good point there , Drew. I have been thinking about a " being hosed down with piss" challenge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Now here's something that fucking winds me up. When i was a kid you had proper solid valves. You screwed the nozzle thing on it and pumped it up no problem. Oh no, we can't have that. You have to apply the pump directly on it or slip some plastic fucking thing on it which is guaranteed to fuck up because it is a flimsy fucking piece of shit! Now bung me 6.50 for a new tube you muggy cunt. Here's another thing--how come i get so many more punctures now than when i was a kid? People keep telling me this is a myth. Apparently i just imagine that everything was better in the "old days". I say fuck off and i say bollocks. I say tyres and tubes are specifically designed to fuck up so we have to keep sticking our hands into our pockets. It's a fucking conspiracy i tell you!! Everything was better in the old days. Surely if you weren't so fat there would be less pressure of the tyre and you wouldn't get punctures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Everything was better in the old days. Surely if you weren't so fat there would be less pressure of the tyre and you wouldn't get punctures. For some reason, I thought that the Judge was small, but perfectly formed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 For some reason, I thought that the Judge was small, but perfectly formed. Apart from his big fat hairy arse of course. My own scientific research, founded on the quite excellent theoretical foundations laid by Mr Peacock, appears to indicate that the heft of the cleft is inversely proportional to the square of the air. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Put solid tyres on then you won't have that problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Now here's something that fucking winds me up. When i was a kid you had proper solid valves. You screwed the nozzle thing on it and pumped it up no problem. Oh no, we can't have that. You have to apply the pump directly on it or slip some plastic fucking thing on it which is guaranteed to fuck up because it is a flimsy fucking piece of shit! Now bung me 6.50 for a new tube you muggy cunt. Here's another thing--how come i get so many more punctures now than when i was a kid? People keep telling me this is a myth. Apparently i just imagine that everything was better in the "old days". I say fuck off and i say bollocks. I say tyres and tubes are specifically designed to fuck up so we have to keep sticking our hands into our pockets. It's a fucking conspiracy i tell you!! Now here's something that fucking winds me up. When i was a kid you had proper solid valves. You screwed the nozzle thing on it and pumped it up no problem. Oh no, we can't have that. You have to apply the pump directly on it or slip some plastic fucking thing on it which is guaranteed to fuck up because it is a flimsy fucking piece of shit! Now bung me 6.50 for a new tube you muggy cunt. Here's another thing--how come i get so many more punctures now than when i was a kid? People keep telling me this is a myth. Apparently i just imagine that everything was better in the "old days". I say fuck off and i say bollocks. I say tyres and tubes are specifically designed to fuck up so we have to keep sticking our hands into our pockets. It's a fucking conspiracy i tell you!! I agree judge: Presta valves are shit. Much prefer the schraaders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Most cyclists are complete cunts. I'd prefer to launch them into space with a high speed impact from a rented SUV. No matter how many times you scan the roads and paths in every direction, when you proceed on your way, one of these fuckwits pops up out of nowhere and nearly scratches the vehicle. Cunts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 Fuck off wankers. I may have a disproportionately fat arse which happens to be disproportionately hairy, but i know when somebody is fucking me up it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 Fuck off wankers. I may have a disproportionately fat arse which happens to be disproportionately hairy, but i know when somebody is fucking me up it. I hear you enjoy it too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 I agree judge: Presta valves are shit. Much prefer the schraaders. Ah yes, the Schraeder (or however you spell it) That's a proper solid manly valve. That's what i need but the cunt in the shop says i have to buy a new set of wheels which probably wouldn't fit the frame etc etc. Fucking bastard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 I hear you enjoy it too! Snigger snigger. You're so fucking funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 Ah yes, the Schraeder (or however you spell it) That's a proper solid manly valve. That's what i need but the cunt in the shop says i have to buy a new set of wheels which probably wouldn't fit the frame etc etc. Fucking bastard. You must have looked mug enough to take his word for it then, that's bollocks just drill the fucking hole out bigger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 Here's a confession judge: I like the look of some Hardly Jim Davidsons, especially the no frills basic ones. However, put a rather squat middle aged bloke on them and the ensemble manages to look twatty. I'm not squat but feel the biker gear will make me look like Torchy The Battery Boy. Is this your experience? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 You must have looked mug enough to take his word for it then, that's bollocks just drill the fucking hole out bigger. Well that's a possibility i suppose but ,sadly, i don't know anyone who is capable of such a major feat of engineering. I only mix with intellectuals. I am a thinker not a doer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 Here's a confession judge: I like the look of some Hardly Jim Davidsons, especially the no frills basic ones. However, put a rather squat middle aged bloke on them and the ensemble manages to look twatty. I'm not squat but feel the biker gear will make me look like Torchy The Battery Boy. Is this your experience? "Torchy the Battery Boy?" You'll be telling me about "Twizzle" next Herr Oberst. I suspect you are a little bit more than "Middle-aged". Perhaps a BMW would be more suitable for you, on so many levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 6, 2014 Report Share Posted September 6, 2014 BMW? I hate those twin cylinders sticking out in a design unchanged since WW2. For a while (in the 80s?) they did one that looked nicer but they're all a bit gay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted September 6, 2014 Report Share Posted September 6, 2014 BMW? I hate those twin cylinders sticking out in a design unchanged since WW2. For a while (in the 80s?) they did one that looked nicer but they're all a bit gay. They have a single, parallel twin, some across the frame fours and a six cylinder now, so they have finally embraced the 21st century. Still bikes for off duty policemen or gays! Of course cunts too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted September 6, 2014 Report Share Posted September 6, 2014 I have recently being trying to explain to my drunken neighbour that he has a Presta valve on his bike and he needs to go and buy a fucking pump from Sports Direct. My car pump will not fucking fit. He seems to understand this after about ten minutes of trying to convince me that my pump will fit and can he 'just give it a try' He then wonders off only to knock on my door a few days later to repeat the whole fucking experience again. So yeah, Presta valves are shit. And drunken neighbours are arses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ducunti Posted September 6, 2014 Report Share Posted September 6, 2014 bmw1 - Copy.bmp They have a single, parallel twin, some across the frame fours and a six cylinder now, so they have finally embraced the 21st century. Still bikes for off duty policemen or gays! Of course cunts too. S1000RR 4 cylinder 193 bhp ballbreaker, not for the faint hearted or camp at heart. Will prompt a pixie boot response from the Judge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KuntaCunty Posted September 6, 2014 Report Share Posted September 6, 2014 I have recently being trying to explain to my drunken neighbour that he has a Presta valve on his bike and he needs to go and buy a fucking pump from Sports Direct. My car pump will not fucking fit. He seems to understand this after about ten minutes of trying to convince me that my pump will fit and can he 'just give it a try' He then wonders off only to knock on my door a few days later to repeat the whole fucking experience again. So yeah, Presta valves are shit. And drunken neighbours are arses. You are partly to blame for the repeat performance. Had you established boundaries with the cunt the first time round by telling him to fuck off after 2 minutes of in depth explanation. If he doesn't grasp the concept by then, you are merely wasting your time, and encouraging him to continue being a life draining cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted September 6, 2014 Report Share Posted September 6, 2014 bmw1 - Copy.bmp S1000RR 4 cylinder 193 bhp ballbreaker, not for the faint hearted or camp at heart. Will prompt a pixie boot response from the Judge Yeah the RR is a fucking animal. I used to think my 1999 R1 was quick but this thing has warp drive! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted September 6, 2014 Report Share Posted September 6, 2014 bmw1 - Copy.bmp S1000RR 4 cylinder 193 bhp ballbreaker, not for the faint hearted or camp at heart. Will prompt a pixie boot response from the Judge I don't think you should be talking about pixie boots poofhouse. Anyway i owned a BMW K1100 between 1995 and 99, the "flying brick" as it was known. (or was it "the flying suitcase", i can't remember) This was the worst, most unreliable bike i have ever known. I lost count of the number of times the breakdown geezer came to pick me up and said "we don't get many of these". Oh yeah! Tell me about it cunt! Don't any cunt tell me about German efficiency and German mechanical technology. It's all bollocks. I paid 8 fucking grand for that Nazi piece of shit and, 4 years later i was lucky to get 1800 for it. Who won the fucking war anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.