Witheredscrote Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 I am nominating myself. After 28 straight days of 'radio' treatment and swallowing loads of medication to protect my vitals I was VERY constipated. My doctor offered me more pills to help move things along. I declined and said I would deal with it naturally. Mid morning today I ate 2 tins of saag aloo , washed it down with 2 cans of Guinness and had 6 green figs for dessert. At 4 p.m. I jumped down from my tractor and upon landing followed through. There is no way of salvaging my skivvies and the missus will be hosing my jeans for the foreseeable future. I truly am a stupid filthy cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Ah a good old following through story to raise the tone on here. Well done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Like the bowmen at Agincourt, you could have gone about your jobs wearing nothing from the waist down. Then a simple matter of parking your arse over the side of the tractor and the jobs done. Next problem please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Like the bowmen at Agincourt, you could have gone about your jobs wearing nothing from the waist down. Then a simple matter of parking your arse over the side of the tractor and the jobs done. Next problem please.I prefer to wear le pantalon out of respect for my late mother who was French and always late. Plus in France our tractors have cabs and I would have sprayed the glass ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Fair play for admitting this. Bonjour, tut sweet and chand a fucking lise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 tut sweet and chand a fucking lise. That's great , I will have 200 of them , gift wrapped as attached Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 My french is limited to "Joe le Taxi" and "La Grande Tetons" . It can't be that hard to learn, I've seen kids of 3 or 4 speaking it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Zut alors et sacrebleu! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 That's going a bit too far to be fully embraced into the French culture by having shit stained trousers and smelling of a toilet. You need to complete it with Eau De Garlic breath and a few red wine stains down your shirt then shrug your shoulders a lot and have a two hour kip every afternoon when you are expecting to be at your busiest. Have you ever gone on strike and set fire too a lot of stuff? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 That's going a bit too far to be fully embraced into the French culture by having shit stained trousers and smelling of a toilet. You need to complete it with Eau De Garlic breath and a few red wine stains down your shirt then shrug your shoulders a lot and have a two hour kip every afternoon when you are expecting to be at your busiest. Have you ever gone on strike and set fire too a lot of stuff?YES ! MY MOTHER WAS FRENCH. Je suis bovvered Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 YES ! MY MOTHER WAS FRENCH. Je suis bovveredPerhaps I knew her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Perhaps I knew her?Papa ou Pere pardon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Papa Nicole? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Nicole?Renault back seat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 It would have had to have been a fucking big Renault! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 It would have had to have been a fucking big Renault!Don't tell me , you are a big fat cunt ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Don't tell me , you are a big fat cunt ?A big cunt...... And ... A yard or two off the pace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 That's great , I will have 200 of them , gift wrapped as attachedWhere can I purchase this wonderfully perfect holiday paper? Every twat I am forced to consider these next several weeks will be greeted accordingly for the season. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 13, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Where can I purchase this wonderfully perfect holiday paper? Every twat I am forced to consider these next several weeks will be greeted accordingly for the season. 'Australian gift wrapping' would be a good search. The very fact that you would be even considering a twat has enforced my opinion of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Like the bowmen at Agincourt, you could have gone about your jobs wearing nothing from the waist down. Then a simple matter of parking your arse over the side of the tractor and the jobs done. Next problem please.You should run a problem page on this site. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 You souuld run a problem page on this site. Thanks. "Ideas in action" are one of my middle names, along with "pub finder general" and "fully qualified cunt" although I still have a lot to learn off you lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 I am nominating myself. After 28 straight days of 'radio' treatment and swallowing loads of medication to protect my vitals I was VERY constipated. My doctor offered me more pills to help move things along. I declined and said I would deal with it naturally. Mid morning today I ate 2 tins of saag aloo , washed it down with 2 cans of Guinness and had 6 green figs for dessert. At 4 p.m. I jumped down from my tractor and upon landing followed through. There is no way of salvaging my skivvies and the missus will be hosing my jeans for the foreseeable future. I truly am a stupid filthy cunt.Cancer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted October 13, 2015 Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 That's great , I will have 200 of them , gift wrapped as attachedIt's wrapped up all too well. A super shit job would add that final touch.Like this:or like that: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 That's going a bit too far to be fully embraced into the French culture by having shit stained trousers and smelling of a toilet. You need to complete it with Eau De Garlic breath and a few red wine stains down your shirt then shrug your shoulders a lot and have a two hour kip every afternoon when you are expecting to be at your busiest. Have you ever gone on strike and set fire too a lot of stuff?You forgot waving your hand in front of yout face and saying fefefefefefef. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 14, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 You forgot waving your hand in front of yout face and saying fefefefefefef.Well done you for spotting that Gobbler. I constantly have to fight the urge to do that but my English side restrains me . It is a truly cuntish gesture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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