Last Cunt Standing Posted December 3, 2017 Report Share Posted December 3, 2017 Now the slips slam into each other. The embarrassment-ometer now reads “Harmison at the Gabba”, so fuck this, I’m walking the dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 3, 2017 Report Share Posted December 3, 2017 1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said: Apple, isn’t the usual pattern that we play like cunts until the New Year, then the Aussies get mullered on VB and we sneak a win at the SCG, ensuring the post-mortem is all about how unlucky we were? The last hour has been unmitigated shite. Woakes is being buttfucked by Marsh. Cummins knocking Root about like a battered wife. Roots’ naivety as Skipper has been completely exposed. Darren Lehman must be on the beer by now. As beautiful as the Adelaide Oval is, I’d be on a tram to Glenelg for some seafood if I were there. Instead I groan into my toast every time Alison Mitchell opens her over-educated yet ill-informed fucking gob. I miss Bumble’s Lancashire burr and Mikey Holdings’ pronunciation of Johnny Bairstow. Fucking BT Sport. Hoist the white flag, boys. We are fucked. Decided to field because of some drizzle without looking at the 22 yards it seems. Best we can hope for is a big score and a draw but get ready for the Aussies pace onslaught and 30 for 3. Woakes looksinnocuous but we can't drop him because of his batting. Well done stokes you daft cunt you lost us the ashes in Bristol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted December 3, 2017 Report Share Posted December 3, 2017 6 hours ago, applescruff14 said: Don't think any Aussies are right in the head, 6 hours ago, applescruff14 said: I was actually conceived in Australia. That explains everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 3, 2017 Report Share Posted December 3, 2017 16 hours ago, Cuntybaws said: Since I don't give a tuppeny fuck about this pointless sport I had to Google who was playing. Next time, please make it easier by being slightly more descriptive. Might I suggest, "Sheep fuckers won". Wales weren't in the final Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted December 3, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2017 15 hours ago, southerncunt said: Marsh century, a declaration around the corner. Root is a nice bloke, but I fear the english press will rip him to pieces for sending us in to bat. He is a young captain, he needs time. I fear he won't get it. Broad is a gobby fucker. Hasn't done much though. I think Root is the biggest cunt i have seen on two legs by sending your boys in to bat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 3, 2017 Report Share Posted December 3, 2017 8 minutes ago, Fender777 said: I think Root is the biggest cunt i have seen on two legs by sending your boys in to bat. It's always the same when you put someone talented into a position of responsibility. General Montgomery was an accomplished, small homosexual until he got put in charge of the British Eighth Army. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted December 3, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2017 1 minute ago, ratcum said: It's always the same when you put someone talented into a position of responsibility. General Montgomery was an accomplished, small homosexual until he got put in charge of the British Eighth Army. Good old Monty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 3, 2017 Report Share Posted December 3, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 19 hours ago, southerncunt said: Good for you mate. Smith is a valuable wicket for sure, but there is a reasonable amount of depth across the side. I hope it is not a whitewash, a close series will be the best thing for cricket overall, but especially for test cricket. High Wycombe in Perth to be precise as parents lived there for a while in the 80's, could have been an Aussie but they left Brisbane to come back to England two months before I was born so am a Surrey lad. Don't take any notice of me, its just Ashes talk. Australia will win 5-0, you guys have us sussed man for man, you know all our weaknesses and everything. I agree it will be bad for cricket but England just don't look interested and what Root was thinking when he put Australia in to bat is beyond science as no one winning the toss at the Adelaide has put the other side into bat for 25 years, the bloke just hasn't got a clue. English cricket is in the wilderness, I can it see being 16 years before England win the Ashes again like before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 3 hours ago, Fender777 said: I think Root is the biggest cunt i have seen on two legs by sending your boys in to bat. He may of being thinking of the 2010 test in Adelaide when we batted second and scored over 600 and won by an innings but we had far better players then and players that wanted to win. It was: Aus: 245 Eng: 620/5d Aus: 304 England won by an innings and 71 runs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 17 hours ago, Snatch said: That explains everything. Maybe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 18 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said: Decided to field because of some drizzle without looking at the 22 yards it seems. Best we can hope for is a big score and a draw but get ready for the Aussies pace onslaught and 30 for 3. Woakes looksinnocuous but we can't drop him because of his batting. Well done stokes you daft cunt you lost us the ashes in Bristol It wouldn't make any difference if Stokes was there or not. Australia away is always a series that's a disaster for us apart from 2010/11 but the Brisbane test started off bad in that series, had a 200+run deficit in the first innings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 On 01/12/2017 at 8:42 PM, Stubby Pecker said: Steve smith in a graveyard scruffy, sleep on that image tonight! He looks like the bastard son of skelator That look that woman gave me in my local shop the other night really freaked me out, I scarpered out the shop pretty quick, got in the car and drove off. Hopefully I wont see her again now. Her face exactly reminded me of seeing Steve Smith in a graveyard late at night, weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 19 hours ago, southerncunt said: Marsh century, a declaration around the corner. Root is a nice bloke, but I fear the english press will rip him to pieces for sending us in to bat. He is a young captain, he needs time. I fear he won't get it. Broad is a gobby fucker. Hasn't done much though. The warning signs for England in this series were clear last year when we lost a test in Bangladesh and only narrowly beat them in the other and then got hammered in India. Root is a top bloke but not a captain. Even if England had batted first Australia would still win, Brisbane proved that but there were a lot of bad umpiring decisions in that game. Broad is over the hill now. His bowling was devastating for the opposition at times but those days have gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 20 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said: Apple, isn’t the usual pattern that we play like cunts until the New Year, then the Aussies get mullered on VB and we sneak a win at the SCG, ensuring the post-mortem is all about how unlucky we were? The last hour has been unmitigated shite. Woakes is being buttfucked by Marsh. Cummins knocking Root about like a battered wife. Roots’ naivety as Skipper has been completely exposed. Darren Lehman must be on the beer by now. As beautiful as the Adelaide Oval is, I’d be on a tram to Glenelg for some seafood if I were there. Instead I groan into my toast every time Alison Mitchell opens her over-educated yet ill-informed fucking gob. I miss Bumble’s Lancashire burr and Mikey Holdings’ pronunciation of Johnny Bairstow. Fucking BT Sport. Hoist the white flag, boys. We are fucked. We wont win at the SCG, we will head into that test 4-0 down and lose that match as well. Woakes wouldn't even get in the Bangladesh team and Root bowling is admitting defeat. I did like it when you had Gower, Atherton, Bumble and co but BT are doing a good job but listening to Ponting and Gilchrist sends me to sleep. We were fucked before we arrived in Australia, it's the tour where everything goes wrong for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 This is a fucking disaster, 50/3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 Best thing Cook and Malan can do is crickets equivalent of parking the bus but even that's beyond this England team, worst team we have sent to Australia in years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 Just saw the England scorecard, no one in that line up gives me any confidence. Wilderness for us now, had our 15 minutes of fame. 5-0 here and probably come unstuck in New Zealand, nearly lost there last time when things were good. Needed day 5 heroics from Matt Prior whose stumps were hit but the bails didnt dislodge which would have lost us the series. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 Send for Chris Tavare! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted December 4, 2017 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 12 hours ago, applescruff14 said: Best thing Cook and Malan can do is crickets equivalent of parking the bus but even that's beyond this England team, worst team we have sent to Australia in years. I have to agree, this is the worst team we have sent in recent times, looks what happens when we send a good team. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 This last session where we ran through the Aussie top order like a hot knife through butter? It's the hope that kills you, isn't it? Well that and an ISIS death squad putting you in a cage and setting fire to you....or cancer...or being buried alive....or being one of Harold Shipman's older patients.....or suicide, in fact scrub that, it's a crap analogy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 47 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: This last session where we ran through the Aussie top order like a hot knife through butter? It's the hope that kills you, isn't it? Well that and an ISIS death squad putting you in a cage and setting fire to you....or cancer...or being buried alive....or being one of Harold Shipman's older patients.....or suicide, in fact scrub that, it's a crap analogy. My plumber was doing some work for me today and he said "England are fucking useless" and "Cook couldn't hit water if he fell in a river". Also apparently Starc is a "Spivvy cunt who needs a good kicking". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 39 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: My plumber was doing some work for me today and he said "England are fucking useless" and "Cook couldn't hit water if he fell in a river". Also apparently Starc is a "Spivvy cunt who needs a good kicking". I didn't know Mike Brearley had taken up plumbing. You live and learn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 1 hour ago, Jiggerycock said: I didn't know Mike Brearley had taken up plumbing. You live and learn And you so obviously haven’t been to Cambridge or got a degree you thick tosser. lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 4, 2017 Report Share Posted December 4, 2017 1 hour ago, Punkape said: And you so obviously haven’t been to Cambridge or got a degree you thick tosser. lol. How would deal with these colonially, Australian savages punkers? I bet when you played at school you were a tail ender or were made to do the scoring in a separate and distant score box, with the rector? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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