Barbecues

[ratcum]

Jewdy was my poodle bitch. He was a living, breathing Stockholm syndrome at my beck and call

[Guest Manky]

15 minutes ago, I know that Cunt said:

Manky you're not a real northerner, not like someone from say Preston or Leeds. Manchester is only a bit further north than stoke on trent.

We are of the North West. Not the frozen north. We are the front line between civilisation and the south. Preston is the armpit of England except for the Black Horse. ( I was there for the battle of Wilkie's  changing rooms). Travel south from Manchester and you enter the wastelands of Cheshire. Rampant homo's, freaks and imaginary golf clubs.(shudder)

[ratcum]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

It appears that northerners are disgusting fucking savages no matter what country you live in.

Unless we are talking about the Polar regions Deco. The south of Argentina and beyond is like a gestapo khasi, whereas up north we have Santa and reindeers.

[colonelkurtz]

On 27/08/2016 at 8:07 PM, Manky said:

We are of the North West. Not the frozen north. We are the front line between civilisation and the south. Preston is the armpit of England except for the Black Horse. ( I was there for the battle of Wilkie's  changing rooms). Travel south from Manchester and you enter the wastelands of Cheshire. Rampant homo's, freaks and imaginary golf clubs.(shudder)

The original buffer zone - that's us - we all sleep safe in the knowledge  that the perversions that are  yorkshire , cockernies , welshists , rugby union jessie's etc etc are kept at an acceptable barge poles worth away. 

[Guest Manky]

6 minutes ago, colonelkurtz said:

The original buffer zone - that's us - we all sleep safe in the knowledge  that the perversions that are  yorkshire , cockernies , welshists , rugby union jessie's etc etc are kept at an acceptable barge poles worth away.

Especially fucking Cheshire. All plastic millionaires and cunts to boot.

[Guest Gong Farmer]

My underpants sometimes stink to the high heavens of  burnt sausages and incinerated chicken legs. 'Note to self'... Don't hang the laundry out when the  cunt next door is having a fucking barbecue.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

16 hours ago, Decimus said:

British summertime is shit. Gargantuan women bursting through sweat drenched Lycra like overripe sausages, topless tattooed men swilling cans of Carling from the back of ford escorts, and wasps and tramps flocking around bins on the hunt for disgusting grease filled leftovers.

But nothing fills me with more loathing in the summer as when some cunt rings you up and says "do you fancy coming over for a " barbie?" Ordinarily, my answer would be "get fucked", but they normally coincide with some bellends birthday, making them next to impossible to avoid.

I can't think of anything worse. Invariably the food is absolute shite. Iceland burgers, 10% meat sausages, and manky chicken wings, usually smeared in some form of disgusting chemical marinade. When this shit is dished up, it's either as black and crispy as a prostitutes cum soaked pubes, or so raw that when you bite into it, it starts pissing with blood. Add to this the flocks of screaming children gabbling absolute shite for hours on end, and the usual boring cunt who wants to regale the group with tales of his soul destroying job in insurance, and you've got one of the worst experiences of British summertime imaginable. 

Oh and it's pretty much guaranteed to piss it down. 

I don't often feel the need to say - Decs this is balls. Granted, there is nothing so shit as a badly executed shit barbecue, especially    a disgusting sausage/burger "family" affair, executed by can't cook for toffee spastics. Carbonised bleeding chicken, paper plates and all that shit. Charcoal is a relatively tricky medium to cook with, and emphasises the shitness of those who cannot cook for shit. It can be the most revolting meal imaginable , but doesn't need to be. 

Cooking with fire should be awsome. Arseholes who think anything will do and the sole fact of barbecuing with zero care or skill is sufficient to constitute an event , they should have their faces barbecued. I did one yesterday, and I did it right- a 2 day Indian marinated butterfly leg of lamb, seared then cooked indirectly, weed being tanned, loads of ace wine- fucking great. Not a scrap left. 

Cunts that put on shit barbecues. We attended one last week- fucking awful- they didn't even have a barbecue- they had invited 30 people and had 4 shitty disposable things- walls sausages, jelly in the middle and carbon on the outside, fucking frozen burgers stuck on frozen - utterly disgusting. Nobody really attending the food. Being presented a wobbly paper plate and a blunt plastic fork I'm supposed to eat this dog shit with.   I don't know what if is, but Cunts seem to think it's ok to present this shit just because it's sunny . They wouldn't invite people round for regular food only to burn it to shit and/or pour it out of a frying pan raw and rank. What the fuck is this shit?

Pricks should stay away from it if they can't fucking cook, it isn't a forgiving method. 

 

[ratcum]

12 hours ago, Gong Farmer said:

My underpants sometimes stink to the high heavens of  burnt sausages and incinerated chicken legs. 'Note to self'... Don't hang the laundry out when the  cunt next door is having a fucking barbecue.

And don't fuck chickens

[Cuntybaws]

14 hours ago, mothra said:

Unless we are talking about the Polar regions Deco. The south of Argentina and beyond is like a gestapo khasi, whereas up north we have Santa and reindeers.

Sadly, it also has Eskimos, who cowered in their snowy trenches throughout both world wars in a quite spectacular display of cowardice, er I mean Swiss-like neutrality.

[ratcum]

6 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Sadly, it also has Eskimos, who cowered in their snowy trenches throughout both world wars in a quite spectacular display of cowardice, er I mean Swiss-like neutrality.

By eskimos you mean perambulating bundles of filthy rags?

[Cuntybaws]

Just now, mothra said:

By eskimos you mean perambulating bundles of filthy rags?

I nominated them in your absence as it happens, a lone beacon of racial purity in the dark, rat-free night. Well, I say "lone" but I really mean apart from Eddie. And Manky, and Ding, and Snatch, and, well, quite a lot of cunts really.

[ratcum]

1 minute ago, Cuntybaws said:

I nominated them in your absence as it happens, a lone beacon of racial purity in the dark, rat-free night. Well, I say "lone" but I really mean apart from Eddie. And Manky, and Ding, and Snatch, and, well, quite a lot of cunts really.

Ah yes my wilderness months. I took the time to re-read my Martin Luther collection. Not the black dude with holes in him; the wacky German one who told it like it was.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

4 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

I nominated them in your absence as it happens, a lone beacon of racial purity in the dark, rat-free night. Well, I say "lone" but I really mean apart from Eddie. And Manky, and Ding, and Snatch, and, well, quite a lot of cunts really.

Cunts, my rags are perfectly clean.

 

I don't let southerners touch them.

[camberwell gypsy]

There's always some cunt who sets himself alight by squirting lighter fuel directly into the flames. 

[The Beast]

On ‎27‎/‎08‎/‎2016 at 5:05 PM, Decimus said:

British summertime is shit. Gargantuan women bursting through sweat drenched Lycra like overripe sausages, topless tattooed men swilling cans of Carling from the back of ford escorts, and wasps and tramps flocking around bins on the hunt for disgusting grease filled leftovers.

But nothing fills me with more loathing in the summer as when some cunt rings you up and says "do you fancy coming over for a " barbie?" Ordinarily, my answer would be "get fucked", but they normally coincide with some bellends birthday, making them next to impossible to avoid.

I can't think of anything worse. Invariably the food is absolute shite. Iceland burgers, 10% meat sausages, and manky chicken wings, usually smeared in some form of disgusting chemical marinade. When this shit is dished up, it's either as black and crispy as a prostitutes cum soaked pubes, or so raw that when you bite into it, it starts pissing with blood. Add to this the flocks of screaming children gabbling absolute shite for hours on end, and the usual boring cunt who wants to regale the group with tales of his soul destroying job in insurance, and you've got one of the worst experiences of British summertime imaginable. 

Oh and it's pretty much guaranteed to piss it down. 

Concision of above..........You are suffering from clinical depression.

[camberwell gypsy]

23 hours ago, DingTheRioja said:

Leeds is as far south as I dare venture these days, unless it's at 70mph straight through to the lands of Johnny Foreigner.

 

Anyway, the only reason the french insist on rare meat is because of all that fucking running away they do in wars, not enough time to cook it properly.

Chilean Carménère is a current favourite, but not that Casillero shite on the tele...

I've been drinking Portuguese red the past 2 weeks which isn't bad. I had a mouthful of Madeiran wine to drink to Franks illness and I spat it straight over the hotel balcony. Fucking disgusting. Agree though: Chilean wine is nice.

[Decimus]

13 minutes ago, The Beast said:

Concision of above..........You are suffering from clinical depression.

No, I've got the fucking shits.

[Earl of Punkape]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

No, I've got the fucking shits.

That's because you've got AIDS....

lol.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

3 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I've been drinking Portuguese red the past 2 weeks which isn't bad. I had a mouthful of Madeiran wine to drink to Franks illness and I spat it straight over the hotel balcony. Fucking disgusting. Agree though: Chilean wine is nice.

Some Portuguese stuff is very nice, when we were in Northern Portugal managed to buy a dozen bottles of a Dao from my birth year for a song.  The shop owner picked up each bottle and checked it to make sure it wasn't knackered.

Fucking lovely stuff it was, I only bought it for a laugh, it was about 8 euros a bottle, tasted better than a lot of £30 stuff I've had.  Unfortunately a couple of them didn't survive the journey back home and cleaned the kitchen plug hole for me.

Went perfect with a proper peri-peri chicken, not that shit from Bonzos.

[Cuntybaws]

.

[Cuntybaws]

11 minutes ago, DingTheRioja said:

Some Portuguese stuff is very nice, when we were in Northern Portugal managed to buy a dozen bottles of a Dao from my birth year for a song.  The shop owner picked up each bottle and checked it to make sure it wasn't knackered.

Fucking lovely stuff it was, I only bought it for a laugh, it was about 8 euros a bottle, tasted better than a lot of £30 stuff I've had.  Unfortunately a couple of them didn't survive the journey back home and cleaned the kitchen plug hole for me.

Went perfect with a proper peri-peri chicken, not that shit from Bonzos.

Don't talk to me about sophistication, I've been to Leeds.

 

[Decimus]

42 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Don't talk to me about sophistication, I've been to Leeds.

 

Ding travels in style when he's sampling the wines of the world

 

 

[southerncunt]

At the risk of sounding like a cunt, Chilean wine is fair at best.

You poor cunts only get our Yellowtail and bin 65 over there, or some clichéd token Aussie name bullshit cancelled export order as well.

Poor cunts.

[southerncunt]

Oh but we do the best bbq's here.

[Guest DingTheRioja]

33 minutes ago, southerncunt said:

At the risk of sounding like a cunt, Chilean wine is fair at best.

You poor cunts only get our Yellowtail and bin 65 over there, or some clichéd token Aussie name bullshit cancelled export order as well.

Poor cunts.

That's like saying all wine from the South of France is shit because the Languedoc is a bit rough, or that the only decent French white is Chablis.  The best bottle of wine in the world is the one I like drinking the best, anything else is poncy bullshit.... and I only particularly like their Carmeneres at the moment.

 

Yellowtail and 65 are plonk, normal everyday plonk, haven't drunk either of them for years... and since you lot produce Fosters, you can't comment on anyones taste at all, ever... it doesn't matter that you export the fucker, you made it in the first fucking place!

33 minutes ago, southerncunt said:

Oh but we do the best bbq's here.

According to that cunt shagging Lisa Faulkner, no you don't.