Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 The stupid fucking cunt I booked to pick me up from Gatwick forgot where his car was parked. Yes, you read it right. He spent 35 minutes checking the same very small area (orange level 3), muttering to himself and asking me where it was. After his third trip round orange 3, with the time ticking ever closer to 1 in the morning, and my blood pressure rising, I asked him to just consider the possibility he was mistaken and to try another section. Lo and behold, the twat finds his car in red 3, and I then entrust the most inept man I've ever met to drive me down the motorway at speeds of 70mph+ He then had the audacity to try and charge us extra for the fees he incurred for extended parking AND an additional drop off, which had to be arranged over the phone via their office in North London rather than through the driver himself. I feel this clusterfuck is a good metaphor for the taxi industry in general - terrible customer service, inconvenient, inept, overpriced and behind the times. I'm fucking delighted uber is putting these cunts out of a job, and improving usser experience. Fuck you Xpress Taxis. Thanks for listening, Bill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 Don't use taxis. That's what families are for. Unless yours hate you so much they don't want to be in the same airspace as you for more than 4 seconds? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 French taxis are very efficient, always arriving on time. Their prices are reasonable, and they only charge extra when carrying misfits and poofs. Think yourself fortunate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 4 minutes ago, DingTheRioja said: Don't use taxis. That's what families are for. Unless yours hate you so much they don't want to be in the same airspace as you for more than 4 seconds? None of my family live near Crawley because they aren't fucking hobos ding. They also don't want to drive a four hour round trip to Crawley in the middle of the night. I don't live near them because we are comfortable moving out to houses outside of our ancestral pit village. Between us, we spent £11 on the taxi each. I know, it's a lavish, decadent amount for a northern poverty-line inhabiting imp such as yourself. For respectable members of society, it's a manageable expense worth paying at 1 in the morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 9 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: French taxis are very efficient, always arriving on time. Their prices are reasonable, and they only charge extra when carrying misfits and poofs. Think yourself fortunate. This has added nothing to the thread. Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 A classic stickers thread. 10/10. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 1 minute ago, Bill Stickers said: This has added nothing to the thread. Fuck off. Where shall I fuck off, my choices are very limited at this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 5 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: A classic stickers thread. 10/10. Yes, your usual standard. I just wasted 30 seconds of my life I can never get back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 5 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: Where shall I fuck off, my choices are very limited at this time. Quite frankly I couldn't give a shit where. Just go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 1 minute ago, Bill Stickers said: Quite frankly I couldn't give a shit where. Just go. I hope your plane crashes on the way back. Nobody likes you, nobody will care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 Whilst the ability of your taxi driver to locate his vehicle is extremely niche subject matter, Bill, I salute you for what is in essence, a perfect nom. Taxi drivers are paid professionals, who seem oblivious to rules of the Highway Code, right of way, and even seem oblivious to such pointless things as 'lanes'. When you need a taxi, there are fuck all, anywhere, when you don't, they are in abundance. When you're in one, they drive at a pace that would make Drew's mobility scooter seem like a Ferrari on rocket-fuel, yet when they are dashing to their next booking, they are capable of smashing through the sonic barrier with ease. And they get shirty if you spew in their cars. Fucking soppy cunts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 3 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: I hope your plane crashes on the way back. Nobody likes you, nobody will care. Withers, I'm top of all four leaderboards, what do you fucking think of that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 4 minutes ago, Decimus said: Withers, I'm top of all four leaderboards, what do you fucking think of that? Fancy a weekend of spastic baiting when I get back? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 2 minutes ago, witheredscrote said: Fancy a weekend of spastic baiting when I get back? Yes. I'll arrange Ding's transport down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 6 minutes ago, Bubba C said: Whilst the ability of your taxi driver to locate his vehicle is extremely niche subject matter, Bill, I salute you for what is in essence, a perfect nom. Taxi drivers are paid professionals, who seem oblivious to rules of the Highway Code, right of way, and even seem oblivious to such pointless things as 'lanes'. When you need a taxi, there are fuck all, anywhere, when you don't, they are in abundance. When you're in one, they drive at a pace that would make Drew's mobility scooter seem like a Ferrari on rocket-fuel, yet when they are dashing to their next booking, they are capable of smashing through the sonic barrier with ease. And they get shirty if you spew in their cars. Fucking soppy cunts. In South Wales the taxi firms put a bowl of spew under the back seat to make the local punters feel at home and relaxed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 11 minutes ago, Bubba C said: Whilst the ability of your taxi driver to locate his vehicle is extremely niche subject matter, Bill, I salute you for what is in essence, a perfect nom. Taxi drivers are paid professionals, who seem oblivious to rules of the Highway Code, right of way, and even seem oblivious to such pointless things as 'lanes'. When you need a taxi, there are fuck all, anywhere, when you don't, they are in abundance. When you're in one, they drive at a pace that would make Drew's mobility scooter seem like a Ferrari on rocket-fuel, yet when they are dashing to their next booking, they are capable of smashing through the sonic barrier with ease. And they get shirty if you spew in their cars. Fucking soppy cunts. I'm pleased you have been able to recognise the use of case study, or micro history if you will, utilised to deconstruct a broader point about the black cab and private hire industry. You're a gentleman and a scholar. And a complete fucking cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 14 minutes ago, Decimus said: Withers, I'm top of all four leaderboards, what do you fucking think of that? With noms of this calibre, I'll usurp you soon and natural order will be restored. I'm a sleeping giant Decimus. A Nottingham Forest or Leeds United. You're a flash in the pan. Leicester, or at best Man City. Fuck off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 41 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: None of my family live near Crawley because they aren't fucking hobos ding. They also don't want to drive a four hour round trip to Crawley in the middle of the night. I don't live near them because we are comfortable moving out to houses outside of our ancestral pit village. Between us, we spent £11 on the taxi each. I know, it's a lavish, decadent amount for a northern poverty-line inhabiting imp such as yourself. For respectable members of society, it's a manageable expense worth paying at 1 in the morning. An excellent retort. Good work Bill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 Just now, Ape said: An excellent retort. Good work Bill. Unless admin calls it off as a non-contest, tonight is the night I finish off Ding. A knockout in the 10th, ding's beady little eyes rolling back in his head, bleeding on the brain, frothing at the mouth, seizures. God I'm hard right now. Let me knock one out and get back to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DingTheRioja Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 17 minutes ago, Decimus said: Yes. I'll arrange Ding's transport down. No fucking taxis, you cheapskate cunt. Only a bright pink stretched hummer with glittery stars will do... ..with staff of course... 3 minutes ago, Ape said: An excellent retort. Good work Bill. Don't encourage the cunt, he'll nom some other niche useless shit if you do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 I can highly recommend that the next time you fly it's to a location serviced by Malaysian Airlines or Aeroflot, you soppy wanker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 6 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: I can highly recommend that the next time you fly it's to a location serviced by Malaysian Airlines or Aeroflot, you soppy wanker. I went to Malaysia in February Drew. I flew Malaysian Airlines. It was fantastic. Dopes like you with no understanding of coincidence, probability and the incredible safety of airline travel have stopped using them. This meant peace and quiet, low fares, immediate service by cabin crew, and three seats for me to lie across during the night. I was one of about 10 people on the entire jet. Meanwhile you're packed into cattle class on an over priced BA flight for your annual trip to Shamal Sheik. Idiot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drew P Pissflaps Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 Since when did Malaysia become a Gay holiday destination for arse bandits. Did they have a golf course? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 2 minutes ago, Drew P Pissflaps said: Since when did Malaysia become a Gay holiday destination for arse bandits. Did they have a golf course? You're losing this one badly PunkApe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted September 23, 2016 Report Share Posted September 23, 2016 (edited) 5 minutes ago, luke swarm said: One goes away for a week of rest in the sun and look what happens on the corner. This thread has now gone to 22 posts and not once has it even made a brief excursion into either racist or homophobic territory, what the fuck is going on here...anybody would think this is some kind of whinge and moan site......there is gold here, Its well known all the taxi drivers in this country are Pakistani Muzzies deleted I'm sure one of the usual suspects will wade in with a polemic about how the rise in halal meat is directly proportional to global warming. Edited September 23, 2016 by Rick_B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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