Decimus Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 There is a ring of desolation surrounding the outer boroughs of London, made up of the "New Towns" constructed after the second world war. Designed to house the filthy dregs of the largely criminal stock of the East End, the founding fathers of these shit holes have passed down to the current generation all of their worst traits. A godawful fucking accent that makes a mockery of the English language, a predilection for supporting West Ham, and a rose tinted fondness for the awful slop that their ancestors used to shove down their toothless fucking gobs in Whitechapel. The architecture is grim, grey and prefabricated, and the house prices are extortionate, purely because you can be in London within 30 minutes, courtesy of a journey suffocating in the claustrophobic environment of a one carriage wonder train, surrounded by masses of mockney cunts. Absolute fucking shit holes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 3 minutes ago, Decimus said: There is a ring of desolation surrounding the outer boroughs of London, made up of the "New Towns" constructed after the second world war. Designed to house the filthy dregs of the largely criminal stock of the East End, the founding fathers of these shit holes have passed down to the current generation all of their worst traits. A godawful fucking accent that makes a mockery of the English language, a predilection for supporting West Ham, and a rose tinted fondness for the awful slop that their ancestors used to shove down their toothless fucking gobs in Whitechapel. The architecture is grim, grey and prefabricated, and the house prices are extortionate, purely because you can be in London within 30 minutes, courtesy of a journey suffocating in the claustrophobic environment of a one carriage wonder train, surrounded by masses of mockney cunts. Absolute fucking shit holes. Enjoyed Essex then? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 Ah, my first nom all those years ago, but with your added eloquence. I agree with your sentiments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 13 minutes ago, Decimus said: There is a ring of desolation surrounding the outer boroughs of London, made up of the "New Towns" constructed after the second world war. Designed to house the filthy dregs of the largely criminal stock of the East End, the founding fathers of these shit holes have passed down to the current generation all of their worst traits. A godawful fucking accent that makes a mockery of the English language, a predilection for supporting West Ham, and a rose tinted fondness for the awful slop that their ancestors used to shove down their toothless fucking gobs in Whitechapel. The architecture is grim, grey and prefabricated, and the house prices are extortionate, purely because you can be in London within 30 minutes, courtesy of a journey suffocating in the claustrophobic environment of a one carriage wonder train, surrounded by masses of mockney cunts. Absolute fucking shit holes. Build an airport runway over the cunt new town and turn the rest into long term car parks......only one thing worse than London overspill new towns and that's that fucking cesspit itself. I hate London. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 1 hour ago, Decimus said: There is a ring of desolation surrounding the outer boroughs of London, made up of the "New Towns" constructed after the second world war. Designed to house the filthy dregs of the largely criminal stock of the East End, the founding fathers of these shit holes have passed down to the current generation all of their worst traits. A godawful fucking accent that makes a mockery of the English language, a predilection for supporting West Ham, and a rose tinted fondness for the awful slop that their ancestors used to shove down their toothless fucking gobs in Whitechapel. The architecture is grim, grey and prefabricated, and the house prices are extortionate, purely because you can be in London within 30 minutes, courtesy of a journey suffocating in the claustrophobic environment of a one carriage wonder train, surrounded by masses of mockney cunts. Absolute fucking shit holes. Wellwyn Garden City. Fuck me. Garden city. What do you grow there? Wankers, that's what. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 Doesn't Decs live in Norfolk. I thought that was more Duelling Banjos than Chaz and Dave. More eating sisters placenta than eating jellied eels. Less home of the Queen than home of a bunch of raving queens. Norfolk. Twinned with Aleppo (despite the complaints from the Aleppo residents) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 1 hour ago, Eddie said: Enjoyed Essex then? I could never like a place where saying "Do me a favour" is both a rhetorical question and a catchphrase uttered with alarming frequency. It's less than 100 miles from me, but I felt more out of place than I ever have in the barren northern wastelands. Je Suis Mancunian. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 You should go to Harlow, I'm sure you'd love it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 30 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Wellwyn Garden City. Fuck me. Garden city. What do you grow there? Wankers, that's what. and don't they get a bumper crop year in year out........its the shit they feed them you see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 28 minutes ago, Degenerategambler said: You should go to Harlow, I'm sure you'd love it. I had the pleasure of working there for 3 years. Packed to the rafters with low IQ, self entitled, inbred pains in the bollocks. With the exception of Old Harlow, I would carpet bomb the fucking place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 14 minutes ago, The Beast said: I had the pleasure of working there for 3 years. Packed to the rafters with low IQ, self entitled, inbred pains in the bollocks. With the exception of Old Harlow, I would carpet bomb the fucking place. It's entirely constructed of fucking roundabouts and unwalkable, soulless shite. "70mph spaces". Like cunting America. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 35 minutes ago, The Beast said: I had the pleasure of working there for 3 years. Packed to the rafters with low IQ, self entitled, inbred pains in the bollocks. I'm sure it got better once you left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 Try Skelmersdale, or Skem as the locals call it. All the charm of a new town plus all of the charm of a scouse criminal extended family living there. The burglars won't go out at night in case they get burgled. The rapists go to Oswaldtwistle as at least the women there have nearly the right number of chromosomes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 4 minutes ago, Manky said: Try Skelmersdale, or Skem as the locals call it. All the charm of a new town plus all of the charm of a scouse criminal extended family living there. The burglars won't go out at night in case they get burgled. The rapists go to Oswaldtwistle as at least the women there have nearly the right number of chromosomes. It sounds like the sort of disease that shouldn't be mentioned in polite company. "I'm sorry, Mr Jones, but you have tertiary skem. If anyone asks, just tell them it's AIDS." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 3 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: It sounds like the sort of disease that shouldn't be mentioned in polite company. "I'm sorry, Mr Jones, but you have tertiary skem. If anyone asks, just tell them it's AIDS." When the police picked me up on the M62 near Skem, I managed to strip naked and claimed I'd just had a threesome with Elton John, Alan Carr, Holly Johnson and Michael Barrymore as it was less embarrassing than admitting my brother lived there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 6 minutes ago, Manky said: When the police picked me up on the M62 near Skem, I managed to strip naked and claimed I'd just had a threesome with Elton John, Alan Carr, Holly Johnson and Michael Barrymore as it was less embarrassing than admitting my brother lived there. All that anal sex on amyl nitrate has fucked your counting good and proper. How many fingers am I sticking up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Manky Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 3 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: All that anal sex on amyl nitrate has fucked your counting good and proper. How many fingers am I sticking up? The best thing about a threesome involving 5 is that 2 can fuck off out of the place. Spunkape told me that. Besides, I was lying. Again. For a change. Wild horses wouldn't get me to Skem. You fall off the edge of the world when you go past Ashton in Makerfield Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 1 hour ago, Manky said: Try Skelmersdale, or Skem as the locals call it. All the charm of a new town plus all of the charm of a scouse criminal extended family living there. The burglars won't go out at night in case they get burgled. The rapists go to Oswaldtwistle as at least the women there have nearly the right number of chromosomes. I'm sure there's a "skelmersley" on the west coast (Scot.) In wheich case what is a "skelmer"? It's a shame we don't have an autistic, pedantic west coaster to look into it. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 OK so what is wrong with Skelmersdale, Winsford, Telford or Cwmbran? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 Punker's Cheshire pad is actually a flat on the Mount Pleasant estate at Winsford. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted October 31, 2016 Report Share Posted October 31, 2016 Perhaps we can play a little game of "would you rather (spend the rest of your life in this shit hole)". I'll start. Stevenage or Milton Keynes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 31, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2016 34 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: Perhaps we can play a little game of "would you rather (spend the rest of your life in this shit hole)". I'll start. Stevenage or Milton Keynes? Milton Keynes, although it's rather like asking would you rather spend an evening in the British Legion with Manky or fuck Dianne Abbott. Basildon or Hemel Hempstead? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted October 31, 2016 Report Share Posted October 31, 2016 Just now, Decimus said: Milton Keynes, although it's rather like asking would you rather spend an evening in the British Legion with Manky or fuck Dianne Abbott. Basildon or Hemel Hempstead? Basildon I think, as Hemel at least has some redeeming countryside around it. Telford or Peterborough? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 31, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2016 6 minutes ago, Bill Stickers said: Basildon I think, as Hemel at least has some redeeming countryside around it. Telford or Peterborough? Agreed. Telford. Judging from previous posts, JackoTC appears to haunt Peterborough, shuffling through the clothes rails of TKMaxx and hanging around Bargain Booze shops pretending to drink alcohol. Crawley or Redditch? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted October 31, 2016 Report Share Posted October 31, 2016 2 minutes ago, Decimus said: Agreed. Telford. Judging from previous posts, JackoTC appears to haunt Peterborough, shuffling through the clothes rails of TKMaxx and hanging around Bargain Booze shops pretending to drink alcohol. Crawley or Redditch? Redditch. Imagine being forced to spent the rest of your life in Crawley, whilst being just 15 minutes from an airport to almost anywhere in the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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